I probably needed to be reality checked but wasn’t able to do so myself until now. I have a clear view of the important things again, and have fallen back on my active coping tools to help express my nonsensical responses to reality. I need mental discipline. I don’t understand why I’m doing this to myself given how emotionally perilous my life already is. My circumstance teeters on catastrophe and I’m running around doing the best I can to tip the balance.

I am still clearly unregulated. Self-combustible. There’s a lot I have left to figure out, but I’m also aware of the likelihood of solitude regardless of this particular circumstance. I’ve said it repeatedly in this space, but yet, I still don’t accept that fate. I rebel, and have little regard for outcomes while starting the inevitable in the face. Well, inevitable is an exaggeration. I should stop smashing other people in to cookie cutters. It’s my poor decision making that led to my own state, and at least now I understand that.

I’m still going to eat shit at some point in the future, but I’ll no doubt learn something new then as well.