Cleared

After a good talk with C I feel reassured about my feelings and well listened to. It’s a solid place to stand amidst the uncertainty of life. Our conversation provided that and I am grateful. Where did this person come from blog? I’m struck by the parallels, the forwardly-facing trajectories. Friendships should build and grow as the changes of life deal new circumstances and calamities. I would definitely choose her as a friend blog… and… kinda let her into the circle this afternoon. I told her about my STD diagnosis which was hard, but what a great way to demonstrate a desire to trust. I need people looking out for me blog, people I can count on in the world who will help me when times get hard (as they undoubtedly will). Make a family of your friends, and protect them as they do for you.

I feel more confident than I did before, and all the more certain about the steps I continue to take towards my mental health related goals. I’ve done so well in the last few years, and it’s great to have a friend in the circle who appreciates that.

I think I need to get myself ready for my trip to Newport Beach mentally. I’m starting to feel the squeeze. I’ve got my clothes all fresh smelling. I don’t think I’m going to bring the suit. I’m torn between artificially puffing myself and just being real (but not looking like I just woke up). It’s important for me to try and draw little conclusions and plan for things to try and manage my stress. My anxiety seeks to catch me in some scenario where I have no idea what to do or how to respond and then a logjam of thought occurs which convulses my brain into a walnut. I had this friend, and he got walnut brain and we never spoke of him again.

I think I have a great personality and I’m fast on my feet in a conversation. That I just know is true. It doesn’t stop any of the doubt or any of the thoughts… but it does diminish how they affect me. I’m going to do some exercise on the elliptical tonight and try and get a handle on these symptoms.

But great day today! Woo the future! And big woo to C. Bellinger for not one but two OFAs last night (like a defensive home run). Yeah I’ll be taking those all day long sir.

 

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