I was feeling very confident in my affection for my girlfriend earlier today, until she made it clear we were not on the same page and became my ex. I worked for a bit on compiling this sequence of songs to (ironically) brush over the feelings of despair associated with losing love, only to find it again later in the playlist.

Mournful, yes, was the appropriate tone-setter but not the end of the story. I still feel hopeful for my cause; my desire to be loved and to give love fully. My life is still moving forward. Sharing that with “A” was what I wanted to do, but I never really believed it or committed myself fully. I discussed the possibility of going my separate way many times in therapy but now to have it play out in reality is a whole different experience. I do miss what we had while it was good, and wonder about how it went astray.

I tried to be honest with my feeling in this playlist and effusive/voluminous would be good ways to describe my enduring affection. Breaks don’t just end feelings… they hang on in a painful remembrance which makes the acuteness of my album’s emotional story ring all the more true now that I sit here listening to it again. It aches where she is missing, but I know that won’t last forever.

I have no bridges to cross out of independence to companionship… and maybe it will be that way for a while.

Beer Bottles & Huggy Times

Length: 74 minutes

1. Play The Game – Queen
2. If I Can’t Have You – Yvonne Elliman
3. Just Like Heaven – The Cure
4. Laid So Low (Tears Roll Down) – Tears For Fears
5. Just A Song Before I Go – Crosby, Stills & Nash
6. Spiderwebs – No Doubt
7. Radio/Video – System Of A Down
8. Drunk Sincerity – Bad Religion
9. Beds Are Burning – Midnight Oil
10. Let’s Go – The Cars
11. Diamond Girl – Seals & Crofts
12. Saturday In The Park – Chicago
13. Don’t Get Me Wrong – The Pretenders
14. Escapade – Janet Jackson
15. Just One Look – Linda Ronstadt
16. Baby I’m-A Want You – Bread
17. Biggest Part Of Me – Ambrosia
18. I Want You So Bad – Heart
19. The One – Elton John