I have repulsively positive things to say. A big sloppy sandwich of recognition, fun and laughter. Run the fuck away while you still have legs!! Aaaahhh!
So standing in the world means not being on the ground (as much). Sometimes I sniff the dirt to remind myself that dirt and poop both end up on the bottom of my shoes.
You know what’s great? Finding people who will make crop circles with you.
Can you believe C made this for me? Sweet monkey Jeebus!! I never though green boils could be so enticing. As per my usual, I adorn all my business casual outfits with the skulls of animals I’ve eaten recently. Look at the detail!! All the tiny little crevices. You know, crevices is a terrible word.
Have a good night!
Things could not be better on the work front!! I was ” promoted” to coordinator of a fantastic program (P2P) and a bump in hours, plus I’m rekindling my efforts on doing some grant writing.
The vision of peer support / case management that I had I’m my mind when I moved here is finally (possibly) coming to fruition. To see the groundwork being laid for a wholly transformative venture is really inspiring. Ultimately, it’s on me to start recruitment and garner the funds we need to execute this plan. I do recognize that there’s a lot of work to do in this area, but very achievable I believe. I’m going to keep getting after it until I have it. I’m determined to succeed and replicate the success of the model that launched my recovery. We have the allies and the platform to be successful, and we absolutely will be.
Slammy Jammy was victorious this week, crushing Derpy into the concrete by 130 points. REVENGE!! This too was gratifying. Boom boom quesadilla.
I’ve got a lot of positives lined up. Good friends, a blooming career, and an upward trajectory which has me poised for advancement beyond anything I have known. This past year has been both joyous and tragic, but always teaching me something.
I’m taking a step back from myself and my haste. All these life changes are inching up from out of the soil; unpacking their aching leaves in search of the sun. I have no expectation of what my future has in store, but one thing I’m sure of is that I’m going somewhere. I built this reality with goal upon goal, and I’ll continue to do so independently for as long as I can. I see no ceiling; I see only sky. However, I imagine that I must be committed to holding myself up alone in order to stay internally strong.
I’m glad to have such cool friends to share this with. I am fortunate in that regard. I know now more than ever what I am (and what I cannot be). I also can relate to their being trauma for me in the future… and pain. I’m building up my circle to help me survive the coming storm, but my greatest strength is who I am right now. I’m so proud of that.
Shatter the space between,
The fresh blood open,
The words broken,
Scattered like sawdust,
Falling into cracks.
Filling the gaps,
It was the stark tension of ropes,
Screaming distress with thin threads–
Unbound, twisted madly, perilously.
As the gasps shorten–
The incessant gravity,
Holds as it only knows how.
What then if not free?
Do trees tell stories of their youth for the rocks to hear?
Does the pounding sea beg forgiveness of the shore?
I long to exude the song within–
Without taking something away.
Whispering one word at a time,
Where no expanse can prevail–
And no tide can soften into meaningless grains.
It is in the hiss of leaves,
The breaking of day,
That I know.
I’ve gained a lot of useful knowledge so far on this exciting adventure. What a treat it has been to hear such empowering speakers and participate in this immersive event. I’m thankful for the opportunity and were only half done!
Tomorrow there’s another full plate of workshops to attend and lectures to absorb. It kinda feels like school, but more freedom of choice. I’m glad to be here and participating in this conference.
Well, I don’t have much left in the tank. I’m laying down all snuggy. It’s going to be a great day tomorrow I know, and then I’ll fly home and be back in my own smelly bed.
Hooray new experiences!
I’m through the morning session and taking a breather before the social tonight. My anxiety has really melted away now that I’m here and distracted. I’m already leaning some fantastic things and I feel more in tune with the NAMI mission here in California.
After having consumed a food I’m now resting a bit, doing the necessary self care to not burn myself out. I feel that I’m doing a good job pacing, knowing my limits and a accommodating my body’s desires.
Tonight will be great! I can hardly wait to see what comes next. This has been a great experience and it’s only half over!
Things are resolving out into distinct parameters. C and are are agreed on the pattern of behavior and that’s the line(s) I needed. Nice and defined. I’m glad for that. Things are settling.
The upcoming events are present on my mind. Having such a clear resolution earlier in the day helped clear the worry I feel over my impending trip. I feel ready to get my social face on and go be with the people. Shake hands and come at my opponents with sideways sarcasm. I’m thankful I get the chance to do this, even if it is kinda scary.
But I’m feeling much better about the recent emotional turmoil. Still learning, right? Still eating shit and getting back up? I’m facing new challenges and frankly, I’m doing pretty well. I have not compromised myself and my integrity.
So many more steps ahead where I am still trying to figure out what me best outcomes are, and how not to repeat past calamities.