Fantasy Football League Career Statistics (Retired)

The image below captures all aspects of my FFL history. Judge me as you see fit. It was very stressful to have that going on year after year.

In one of my leagues there was money every time, if I finished 3rd. I finished in the top three on FIVE occasions. That’s 5 times in the 6 years we had a league.

Interesting stats:

Finished in First: Twice

Finished in Second: Four Times

Finished in Third: Three Times


So now I am in the post season in both leagues. In the family league, its championship time. I’m in, but I lost Gordon right in the home stretch so I’m basically fucked. I needed him back this week against Cleveland. So I’m going to lose out on a huge chunk that I need to build a lead. I barely survived round 1. I’m not going to get lucky twice in the same season. It’s not even a remote possibility that my scrubs will post a higher score than his. He has New England’s defense and that one is sure to go off. He also has Tom Brady, Tod Gurley with a juicy match up, Thomas Rawls, Jordy Nelson. I could go on. Justin Tucker. Ok. So I have to climb over some ridiculous average scores. I have no one that competes with them by position with the exception of Bell. My TE has been a disaster all year. I’m making a move this week for one because I don’t trust Ebron anymore. My WR position doesn’t consistently produce for PPR the way I had hoped. Crabtree has dropped 17 passes. So far. And I’m probably stuck starting him this week. He and his drops. Dropped balls in the championship are killer, and could cost you the crown. No doubt. It’s happened to me before. 

I give my logical effort to play the lineup I think will do the best, and just let it go. I’ve won before. I know how great that is. I had an inkling I would win last year but stayed humble. Now I’m sure I will be eliminated I feel somewhat liberated from pressure. I feel like I should strive to win while knowing that goal may not be achievable. When the ratios are aligned against you, victory is long gone. I am thinking there is a 10% chance I will win after having looked over the two weeks we play. He has just st so many choice matchups, and I’m missing out on one of my best. My best is probably done for the season. I realize the reality of my situation, and we are moving on. I’m being very Klingon about all this. “Perhaps today IS a good day to die!”

At work my lineup is stronger. I’m in the semifinals. I have little concern for the work league to be honest. I can’t beat Tony no matter how hard I try. I’ve thrown everything at him to no avail. Will he go 4-0 against me? Last time this happened, I went 3-0 against him but lost in the championship. It may well shape up to that very scenario, but not end the same way. I think he will thoroughly kick my ass with his super-team if I get past the first round. Tubby has no shot. Points aren’t there. Joseph (my opponent) has taken some hits. His lineup has been underperforming, but then again, so has mine. Mine even to a more severe extent I contend. So I may be out by the conclusion of Sunday. Christmas Day playoff elimination doubleheader. 

In truth, I’ve been only using football as a crutch. I have just had no other things I was doing rather than football. Recently I started gaming again. I’ve been exercising. I’m trying to diversify. So yeah I’m playing this year, but I’m not committed to it as I have been in the past. There’s just so much going on right now. And I get to be with family this weekend and Amanda too. Christmas is almost here. I’m being buried alive in debt. I’m alive. The world is going on all around me. I want to be a part of life. I don’t really have much concern about football right now. Survival is the priority. Things are improving. Goodnight. 

Last-Minute Happies

Score: +2

It was a slow day preceded by me vomiting. Not a great activity for 2:45 am. So I was up way too fucking early. I drove to work and proceeded to line myself up for a 9.5 hour day. Pretty stupid. Plus I also was tired and felt really dead. It was not a great day. I was in on this timer meeting which was largely over my head but I took a ton of notes nonetheless. I’m hopeful that Tuesday doesn’t start with barf and end with me feeling pooped. But even though I felt bad, I still did my mile. I had gotten out of form, so it was more challenging than it should have been. Bah. New day tomorrow. 

Like I had mentioned in previous posts, the FFL season is winding to a close. I gained a 23 point advantage in game 1 of 2 in the first round of the playoffs. I also narrowly squeaked out a victory in the work league by a razor thin margin. Literally won it on a meaningless 8 yard pass play to Edelman with only a few minutes left. Fluky. But I’m glad to have the win and not a narrow defeat. It’s largely irrelevant anyway in that league. 

I’m tired and going to bed. There’s all sorts of other things going on, but I’m in no place to dive into them. My mental state is south of reasonable. Goodnight for now. 

Top Score

It’s nearing the end of NFL Sunday and I’m still quite undecided as to my FFL fate. I have opposing players going tonight that greatly concern me. Namely Zeeke Elliot. He could go for 200 like it was nothing. So if he does, I’m sunk. If he is mediocre, I might just build a strong lead headed into game 2 of round 1. I lead in both leagues, both with Edelman going Monday night as insurance. I really hope this works out. Why all of a sudden? Because I would be riding on the back of the single greatest player performance of the year. Le’Veon Bell’s line today: 38 carries, 236 yards rushing, three rushing touchdowns, four catches, 64 receiving yards. 61 fantasy points. Record setting performance, one for the ages. Nearly 300 yards of offense. Unbelievable. So I lost Gordon today too. Bell helps augment my suffering. I hear that the injury is not severe, so hopefully he gets back to cutting and sprinting soon. Only 3 games left in the season. I have no one I can replace him with who has a chance at his volume. But Martin should fill in at least for next week. I’m tired of betting on wide receivers. Fucking impossible. I can’t guess for shit on right ends either. I’ve got to have the lowest output from the TE slot in the entire league this season. I have little doubt. But anyway. Wish me luck. 

The Playoffs!!!

It’s getting down to the last 4 weeks of the regular season and fantasy football 2016 is coming to a close. Despite my low expectations, I have once again clinched the playoffs for the fourth year in a row. In the family league the playoffs have begun and I finished the season with an 8-5 record. Each playoff round in the family league lasts two weeks, so it’s significantly more difficult to achieve victory since your foe gets two chances to knock you down. Winning 4 weeks in a row to clinch the championship is precisely what I did last year, but I have about a 15% probability of repeating that feat. My wide receivers are substandard… but I have a strong ground game, which has carried me this far. I need exemplary performances from below-average players in order to advance, and that is asking an awful lot from the fantasy football gods. The gods have rarely been forgiving, but sometimes they are. Either way, I don’t think I have much shot at it in the family league.

In the work league, the regular season is still trucking right along and into next week as well. We play 1 week per round and we most certainly play week 17. No football is omitted regardless of status of starting players. Good fantasy football is built around two skills: ability to select talent during the draft and ability to see talent on the free agent market and capitalize with waiver moves. So making some last minute streaming waiver transactions is exactly what fantasy football is about, and we should all be capable of assessing free agent talent based on matchups (at least). Therefore, making waiver substitutions for starting players on week 17 is business as usual, and even more of a challenge to overcome to achieve victory. I likes me a good challenge. Both my leagues play on week 17 during the most critical game of the season. High stakes, high risk, huge reward.

At work I’m 9-4 and have clinched a playoff spot (currently in 3rd place). I was in first place last year in both leagues heading into the playoffs. I’m thinking I have a real shot at the championship again at work. My running game is fucking stellar, and my wide receivers are at least mediocre. I have a soft schedule in the matchup department for several players, including my two biggest point scorers (Gordon and Bell) facing at least two bottom 10 defenses in the last 4 weeks of the season. Right when I will need a big performance most I have the highest likelihood of getting one… or at least, that’s the theory. I have big matchups mostly week 16, but a couple that carry over into week 17. In the family league (the one I particularly would like to win), a big performance week 16 could provide me with enough cushion to secure it even mid way through week 17 (unless I were to seriously implode week 17 [<— very possible]).

But my point is, hey, I just took the crown in both leagues last year, and here I am back in the playoff picture the following season. Above expectation. I had a rock solid draft, have made some dynamite waiver moves, and basically played the same way I did last year: not overthinking it, sticking to the basics and trusting the initial instinctual impulse. It has paid off with a return to relevancy once again. Even in the event that I end up battling for third place, I will still have proven that my victories, and constant presence in the playoffs is no fluke. I really do know what I’m doing. It’s not even as hard as we seem to all think it is. I’m not saying I’m phenomenal by any stretch, but I do have a talent for this.

But the family league this year might be out of reach. I sense an early demise at the hands of a significantly more well armed team. I don’t have the best matchups this week, a lot of stuff that could really go either way. That’s the type that’s hardest to assess, since the factors don’t favor any particular outcome. Those are the matchups that get decided by that initial instinct, and a lot of times they work out for me. Frankly, more often than not. Off waivers, I started Carson Wentz and he put up 20, Jaquizz Rodgers and he put up 154 yards and Steffon Diggs, who put up 13 receptions. I’m keen on things sometimes. But then again, I started Ebron and he goose egged me, and Crabtree hit me once for 3.5 early in the season and again this last week for 6.1. Sigh. Sometimes you knock it out of the park… other times, you whiff like a novice.

Ok blog, you are now caught up on the status of my FFL world. Wish me luck!

Week 12

It’s a pivotal week in the family league. The playoff push is well underway, but now it’s time to seal the deal. I need to win my last two games and hit the postseason with the same record I had last year. Pretty shocking considering I won the championship in 2015. 

Anyway, my gambles are WR and RB. I’m starting L. Bell, M. Gordon and D. Martin. Doug is the one I’m worried about, considering he has to run against a good Seattle defense and there’s no certainty he will have much space to rumble. I need a solid 20 out of him like I got last week. WR is another story. I have two slots for three recivers: S. Diggs, D. Thomas and J. Edelman. Right now Edelman and Thomas are in with the idea that because this is PPR they look like higher-floor options. Diggs is hurt right now and not practicing so he’s no lock for Sunday at all. He let me down last week too. 

Projections have me very far above average but I never believe them. They have limited relevance. I just look at my matchups, which I like, and hope his aren’t better. It’s the commissioner of the league I’m playing this week, and I need to avenge the ass kicking I received at our first meeting. 

For defense I had a choice between Baltimore at home vs Cincinnati, or Green Bay at Philly on a Monday night. I like Baltimore better because Cincinnati just lost 46% of their offense to injury and that will lower the point scoring potential. Baltimore needs a redemption game after last weeks debacle, and I think they will get it. 

So the future looks better than it did last week, but this team I’m going up against is damn good. They are in first for a good reason. I just hope for another above average day and a W if I can get it. 

Surprisingly Springy

Score: +3

So it was a Monday after a fun weekend. Amanda even spent the night, however, this meant we were both up and at ’em today at 4:00. She wanted to not be alone so it was worth it. She’s been having a rough go of it. Really fighting for her rights. She has a good shot at getting what she’s looking for. But we’re not there yet. 

Life in general has somewhat stabilized. I’m going to be writing my first rent check in a few days. So that’s good. It helps also that I will have the money. Indeed. I’m just going to keep plugging away and expanding the department. I’m doing good in all three phases right now. I’m helping Amanda as much as I can. Doing the best I am able to hold it all together myself. I was in a low spot only a few days ago. But I survived it, and got back in track. And good thing to since it was a busy Monday. But I was springy this morning, meaning that I had good energy right from the start. 

I’m trying to establish a good pattern. I think things are much better now. 

In FFL my win is Michael Crabtree and 13 or more points. Chances of that happening, really really low. So it looks more like a 1-1 week instead of a 2-0. I was on a four game win streak which I will be sad to see be broken, if indeed Crabtree is bottled up all night. Houston’s pass defense is no joke, but one of the two wideouts is going to get more targets, and who is still a mystery. So it is possible that Crabtree is the one getting open, but less likely considering his competition, Cooper. Anything is possible in football. But football bends to no man’s will. And I have learned over time to expect more often the cruel butt cheek of dashed dreams rather that the beacon of hope and joy that is miraculous victory. I stopped hoping after I lost that third championship by 1.5 fantasy points. Then I got real and said, “not only does it not mind if you lose, but will gladly give you a shove on your way down into ruin.” So I stopped letting it get over on me, and it has truly crushed my desire to hope for a fantasy football outcome forever. So tonight is about living with the reality of 7-4, and a demotion to fourth place. Not terrible, but not headed in the right direction. Tomorrow will be Tuesday, and life will go on. The end. 

Week 11

So it’s getting closer to the end of the fantasy football season, and in the league where it counts I’m in 3rd place, and in (for now). Last year I went 9-2 and lost my last two. This year I’m 7-3 with three games to go and, like I said, it is within the realm of possibility that I would set my all time best record mark, adding that to my accomplishment of the 2nd highest single game score in league history (6 seasons) already this year. I was not expecting to make the playoffs drafting 8th, and still may not if I lose my next three. But regardless, my team is pretty good. They’ve propelled me to four straight wins with some bigtime scores. Although my game with David was decided in my favor by .3 points. It’s been that kind of season. I only cost myself one game so far to making moves right before kickoff. Left the win on my bench. This is why I preach the gospel of “don’t overthink it.” It’s worked wonders for me. Got me two championships last year. 

I’m hoping that somehow Crabtree gets a good matchup that Carr can exploit all day. That’s a tough secondary, but the Raiders are good. That’s a fact. Hopefully it’s not all about Oakland running the ball like it was before the bye. Luckily he was on my bench. In both leagues. 

The work league I don’t pay much mind to, as 3 teams don’t play. 7-3 there with weaker wide receivers but stronger running backs. Had been peddling 4 RBs most weeks. Just now flopped over to two QB. I figured, Dak and Cam? What could go wrong? Both have good motivation to play their guts out, and that’s just the sort of motivation I mean to capitalize on. Determined players don’t go down on first contact, they keep chugging. They move the fucking pile. Or like Bell, wait till the linebackers suck up to the line of scrimmage then bounce a fatty to the outside. 25 yards, just like that. Boy is he fun to watch. 

Anyway. This week at work I play a derelict team without a full starting lineup. Ian the quitter/cheater did not come back after losing to yours truly in the championship. So he let his team drift like plastic in the ocean. In the family/money league, I go against the 8th place team, of which there is still a strong possibility that I will lose. We both have good matchups this week, but some of his look like they could explode. Anyway, I’m still a constant skeptic. I’ve seen some pretty remarkable things in my time. It’s never over until is OVER. Q4 00:00. That’s when you can have your champagne. 

Worked Out Pretty Good

Score: +3.5

Well remember my pesemism about my two games this week? Turns out it was unfounded. I posted the single highest score ever recorded in my family league. Nearly every position player went for 20. Most more. It was insane. I was wrong on Fiedorowicz but meh, I’m never right on tight ends. Ever. It’s my one great flaw. Had league’s best receiver, 164 yards for Diggs. I had the second best scorer in Le’Veon Bell. 38.7 fantasy points second only to Dallas’ ‘Zeke the freak. So I hit a couple big home runs en route to a historic blowout. I’m in awe of all this good fortune… where is the post championship lull? I was supposed to suck this year, and I’m 7-3 and in the playoffs if the season ended today. Three more games left, I’m still within reach of best record ever at 10-3. It would be quite a feat but it is possible. 

So a good evening tonight with positive results. Much unexpected. Still have some scores to post in the work league but I think I have that one locked down. It would take a pretty otherworldly game from A.J. Green to get that done. Chances are low. So another 2-0 weekend. Not bad I say. 

Tristan and Amanda came over and we all played around for two hours. He and I played chess, and discussed the game and it’s rules. Then we got to playing Final Fantasy X. I have a save game with Nemesis unlocked. Never beat that particular monster, but I have the potential to try. Capturing 10 of everything was a BITCH. 

Anyway, it was fun to have them here. I want them to come over more often now that everything has settled. 

I’m ready for work tomorrow. I feel recharged after some very relaxing alone time. I feel calm and collected. 

Have a good night. 


It’s football eve, and I’m doing fine. I spent some time throwing the Frisbee with Tristan today in Santee. It was refreshing the three of us being there together having fun. He was happy to see me. All in all, very positive. I even invited them over to my house tomorrow during the games. I know that time with him is limited now that Amanda only has occasional custody. We are going to play chess and have fun. Good times will be had.

It’s another night alone here in the apartment and I seem to be doing fine. I had a good session with Margaret today. We talked for more than a therapeutic hour and delved into my solitude issues. I was telling her how hyper-vigilant I am against feeling sad or overly bored. I continue to find ways to distract myself and keep my mind occupied to avoid this, but she suggested that I actually, deliberately concentrate on happy things. She wants me to think about the progress I have made to get here, and the long relationship I have with Amanda, and how I have a steady job and have been stable on my meds for an extended period of time. It’s literally occupying the mind with something good instead of letting it drift to think about something bad by default. I have to force these thoughts into my head to crush the others that come in. It was an innovation I had not come up with on my own. So I’m going to give it a try next time I get to feeling solitary or sad. I think it will totally work.

Well blog, things are going pretty good. It’s a mildly important week in FFL, a week that I am pretty 50 – 50 about. I really am leaning on having some below average performances since the match ups aren’t pointed my way this week. Only a couple have a solid forecast of going off, so who knows. I’m looking for Tyerell Williams, C.J. Fedorowicz and Steffon Diggs to have big days despite being an outside shot to do much in the way of scoring. I expect Gordon to be worth something, and Le’Veon Bell has a tough match up this week. He could easily be stymied all day and I wouldn’t be shocked. I’m hoping a couple of my fliers go off and save the below average output of my powerhouse players. I decided to go 2 QBs in my work league… since it seems everyone else was. So I’m starting Newton and Prescott, who I intent to generate some rushing yardage as well as having stellar days through the air. Both have a sot at a rushing TD as well which would greatly help my cause. My roster in the work league is better then the one I have in the family league. But I’m 6-3 in both leagues right now, but like I said, I could very easily 6-4 in both leagues by this time tomorrow. I’d say 60%/40% I lose both games.

So I don’t have much hope. It would really put the dagger in my cousin if I win and I’m not particularly interested in being the one to do it. I like a competitive race and in her division, she would have a difficult time staying relevant if she loses, with only 4 games left to play. I could afford a loss, but she probably can’t She’d have to win out to stay relevant and even then, 7-6 is no certainty of a playoff berth with a team 2 games up on her in 2nd. So in reality, I’d like it to be competitive to show me if my guesses were correct about certain players, but do I mind losing? Not at all. We’ll just have to see how it goes. Expectations at a record low.

Superzippy With Boo

Score: +3

This is not a good thing. The last two days, my anxiety has been running at system-critical high levels. Amanda and I have been discussing possible triggers, but almost everything falls into that category. On football Sunday, I was out of my mind. I did 1.5 miles on the elliptical and took two warm sit-down showers… nothing. No reduction of symptoms. And things that continue to trigger me are relics from the past that have no implication now. Such as things that might have made me anxious years ago, situations at old jobs, awkward interactions, but why are they relevant now? I can literally feel my blood pressure spiking, and my breathing constricted. It’s not ideal. 

Work was fine today. Had my fingers in many pies. I’m feeling increasingly confident there. New round of evaluations coming up so that will be keeping me occupied for a while. 

Amanda had ECT this morning and the doctor prescribed her a stimulant to help her with her energy and clarity of thought. I’m hopeful it will benefit her, and we will just have to wait and see over the next few days. My mom has been helping out bigtime with getting her to The hospital and back. Oh, and I will be 33 on Sunday. We’re supposed to have dinner at my parent’s place: I requested Jesus Christ alpha and omega burgers with bacon and guacamole. Phe-nom-i-nal. Needless to say. 

I went 2-0 again this weekend even when I was sure I would lose the more important of the two games. Dropped my cousin last week and she was in the championship with me last year, and dropped the guy who beat me in the championship the year before this week. Vengeance is a dish best served on a gridiron. So both my teams are 3-1, with a very uncertain future ahead. I’m scrambling for waiver wire moves this week as injuries have become a problem. 

Well, I’m going to bed. Still have a very fast moving carousel in my mind, which I know will be better tomorrow. Goodnight. 

Summary: Week 3

So I felt it noteworthy to say something considering I may just win both games this week. One is still undecided because my opponent has three Falcons going (Sanu, Ryan, Freeman) but needs 70+ points to reclaim the lead. This week Minnesota’s DEF/ST came up big in the work league, along with waiver add Charles Sims putting up big numbers. DeAngelo Williams disappointed against a tough Philadelphia defense. Chargers gacked away another W, but Melvin Gordon did well for me. Stefon Diggs finally had a down game, of course, when I put him in my lineup. 

I spent some time watching the games at my Uncle’s house, while my sister’s bridal shower took place. I was regularly monitoring the scores, and it felt like a solid day of entertainment and fun. This weekend has been pretty good. I feel good going into this less-stressful week. 

I hope my lead holds and I can celebrate my first 2-0 week of the season. 


Tonight I wish to retell the tale of 2015’s fantasy football season. In the league that I ran, I invited a friend from a previous job to come play with some friends from my current job. Draft time was getting closer, and I was still 1 manager short to complete the league. My friend Ian from my old job said he knew a guy who would play, and so the final invite was sent out and the league completed. 

As the season went on, it became apparent that the new guy was derelict. Not what I was hoping for, needless to say. However, he did do 1 thing all year, he made a huge blockbuster trade to Ian for some priceless talent in exchange for injured talent. Ian then antagonized me by claiming the key to his success was picking up people I cut off my roster, which was partially true. But also true for everyone else. 

His team and my team made it to the championship, and I soundly defeated him. When I look back, it became clear to me that there was no new guy, it was just Ian managing 2 teams so he could harvest the talent from two rosters and make one mighty mega team. This plan failed miserably, and the evidence speaks for itself: no waiver for the new guy, 0-15 record, never changed lineups, no messages or chats, one trade with Ian. Odd? I agree. Ian tried to cheat his way to a championship and it backfired. Good triumphed over stupidity and my victory was all the more tasty because of it. 

Moral is, if your going to cheat, win… don’t humiliate yourself in the attempt to do so. Now he has nothing to show for his cheating, and is left with only shame. 

Or, you could not be a loser and play fair and earn your victories. Morality much? But then again, he is a Patriots fan. Nuff said. 

Now this year I invited Ian back. He declined for some bullshit reason. Can’t play for real with the big boys? Too chicken shit? I figured. 

Well, at least I know what it feels like to be a champion. Even if I never get to again. I made it. He didn’t. Ha fucking ha. 

Things and Stuff

Tonight I’m concentrating on holding my impulses at bay. I spent some time exercising when Tristan was here, I did a mile. I promised myself that I would “step it up” so another mile is upcoming. I’m going to deconstruct my processes and improve in areas that need help. Control. Willpower. Discipline. I’m holding true to my boundaries and continuing to aim for my goals. 

But I’m doing good. Looking forward to a day at Sea World tomorrow with Amanda and Tristan. I have a plan for dinner tomorrow night. It’s pretty fucking awesome. 

NFL season continues tomorrow. Frankly, I don’t care that I won’t see the numbers come in live, but I’d much rather be with my tribe, Amanda and Tristan, than alone watching football. Out having fun and making new memories? Or watching football… sorry football, but you’re going to lose every time in that matchup. As it should be. 

I’m hoping for a good night’s sleep tonight, and a fantastic day tomorrow. I’m so detached from concern about fantasy this year. What will be, will be, and I care not. I’m not getting all committed like I have in years past. Never again. 


Fantasy Football 2016, 2nd Draft

I must preface with the fact that I was the only person who live drafted. So this league is very likely abandoned, which is what I was afraid of. But maybe they will still play, who knows. 

QB: Cam Newton, Tyrod Taylor

RB: Le’Veon Bell, Adrian Peterson, Davonta Freeman, Melvin Gordon, LeGarrett Blount

WR: Julian Edelman, Jarvis Landry, Michael Crabtree, Willie Snead

TE: Travis Kelce

DEF: Kansas City

I’m my league, the second flex on the roster allows for a second QB if desired. I wanted two running quarterbacks in the starting lineup. Then I hit pay dirt with running backs. An excellent haul. WR, eh, the weakest link. Jarvis is a talented player, but he and a hobbled Edelman only have an outside chance at both being of PPR relevance. My defense was picked off the tailings. Still decent, but not great. 

In the end, this one doesn’t matter all that much. I’m the projected winner of the draft. Won it last year too, en route to a championship. I now believe there to have been some foul play last year, but in the end, he fucked himself out of a championship. All I had to do was sit back and watch karmic retribution take its course. 
Happy season. Here’s hoping I don’t totally suck. 

Fantasy Football 2016, 1st Draft

My first league, the one with money on it and has most of my cousins in it, drafted earlier. My lineup is a mixed bag of hopeful projections and calculated risks. 

QB: Cam Newton

RB: Le’Veon Bell, Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Melvin Gordon, Matt Jones

WR: Keenan Allen, Demaryus Thomas, Golden Tate, Michael Crabtree, Tavon Austin

TE: Gary Barnidge

K: Mason Crosby

DEF: St. Louis, Buffalo

I gambled on defense, but in this league, they’re not often relevant. Just as long as their not worth a negative number. But those two defenses might utterly flop. I like my multipurpose QB, and the potential of my running backs after Le’Veon’s suspension is over, after week 3. My team suddenly becomes relevant. Gary is also a risk, based on RGIII’s success. If he gets annihilated and rarely completed a pass, Gary will be useless. My wide receivers are, again, a risk. Keenan seems like a good get for 100 receptions or more depending on his health. Demaryus is a risk, because the rookie QB has a high probability to fail, and would then not complete many passes to him. But he fell so far, like the fourth round. I had to take him. He’s fucking elite. 

If things go my way, I would be totally shocked. I took SO MANY risks this time. If some of them pay out, I could be relevant, but it could all fall apart so easily. I have significantly less hope this year than I did last, and last year I had not very much to begin with. But I underestimated my team and myriad waiver moves. Playing the waivers pushed my mediocre team over the top. I even lost my number one draft pick, Jaamal Charles, mid season. Still won the championship on waiver claims Doug Martin,  Lamar Miller, Tre Mason, and… believe it or not, Cameron Artis-Payne (Johnathan Stewart’s backup in Carolina). As a side note, I picked up Cameron and Tre the week before off waivers, both worth double digit fantasy points in the championship (and each had a touchdown, the margin that clinched my victory). 

So having good pieces to start with is important, and this year I will likely have very few. But we shall see. The probability of winning back to back championships is impossibly unlikely. Possible, but marginally so. 
I’m a few minutes away from my second draft in the league where I am commissioner. I’ll have another post sometime thereafter. I’m far less concerned with that league, in fact, it would be better for my work environment if I did poorly. Winning that one this year might be the last year anybody plays in it. 

Go Figure

Score: +5

Sometimes I get to doubting myself, or my potential despite all my attempts to strive for confidence. I’m not 100% free of the harsh voice that demeans me; crushes me down. Most of the time, I have evidence to dispute such doubt, but not always. It’s not a crime to be afflicted, so I don’t judge myself for listening to what it has to say. I have a much longer pattern of trusting that skeptic than arguing with him.

My work week started today, and people either didn’t call at all, or all called in at once. When I was busy, I was swamped. Something rather unexpected happened however: the two championship games I thought I was going to lose, I won, and by wide margins. This was not expected, or even contemplated as possible. I told myself last night that I had an 85% chance to lose both games, 14% chance to split and a 1% chance to win both. See what I mean about that voice of doubt? I have never been a fantasy football champion, and I get to be twice in one day. After five years, and three 2nd place finishes, I’m in the fucking club.

It’s a remarkably good turn of fortune. I am glad things turned out this way, needless to say. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I still think bad things about myself sometimes. There are many subtle ways this doubt is expressed, however outnumbered by positives.






To Choose

Score: +3.5

I’ve had a nice time this final day of the long triple holiday saga that has passed. I love this time of year, but now we are beyond it, and into 2016. Things will be different, but I can’t say if we will be spared or slaughtered. The uncertainty of the future is well known, and not particularly fair. I don’t like to get my hopes up for things. Too oft is the result something unwanted. I tend to be more practical. Expect realistic outcomes, so that you’re not fooling yourself. I have become more frank and unobjective about things in the last year. I have altered my attitude to be more accommodating of an unforgiving world. Setting the bar needlessly high imposes quality at the cost of sustainability. I don’t do that anymore, and my life has been a lot simpler. 

I’m feeling good. I go into work tomorrow (Sunday) for a shift. My two fantasy football teams will lose their championship games, and I will be done with football for several months. I mean, I’ll watch the playoffs, but I won’t have my heart in it. I’m just going to learn what I can from this year and be all the more ready next year. I love to play, win or lose. I’m pretty damn good overall, with a regular season record of 85-52. Five years. So I’m pretty deep in it, and I don’t plan on not being anytime soon. Not winning now only compelles me to keep trying until I do break through someday. Inevitably, I’ll get there. 

My break has been long and glorious. But now it is done and I must resume my digging in the deepest catacombs of regular life. Drenched in the slop of patterns. Chiseling away endlessly at the insurmountable sum of things to do. Existence is filtered through a thousand gallons of rushing water. We do the best we can against the torrent. We grind out each ridiculously difficult step forward, with the hopes that the water will calm sometime soon. 


Score: +3

I am going to be making a regular habit of checking in daily to process my feelings. I have been somewhat delinquent in my blogging. The whole point of this place is to expunge. I wish to hold true to that. 

Today was slow. I got nearly 100% caught up on tickets and issues handed to me. I even had some boredom. This is abnormal considering how swamped we have been the last several weeks. Things are finally slowing down. Hooray and boo all at the same time. 

At home, Amanda has been sick. She is not going back to work until the new year. I am sad for her because she is suffering. I wish there was an easy way to get her out of her current job and into something she could enjoy. Hopefully things continue to improve health wise and we can get back on track again. 

I am in the championship for the second year in a row in my family league. Last year I lost by 1.4 fantasy points. Boo. This year I am likely to lose again as my team has been maligned by injuries. In two weeks I will be in 2nd place for the second year in a row. 

All told I am ok. I was bored today and I don’t really like that. But I’m home now and things are good. 


Score: +2.5

I didn’t go into work on Friday and that whole day pretty much became a cancellation. I also didn’t go to my psych doctors appointment. I figured: I’m doing fine, I’ll see her in a few weeks and tell her as much. My parents came home, and it was great to see them. My mom brought back about 45 pounds of rock. Good quality Quartz, Jasper, Jade and Agates of varying color. She found the kush green banded Jade, which is quite expensive. It will make for some excellent jewelry. Truly. I’m glad they’re back. 

Amanda and I were productive today. We did chores, went shopping, bought a crystal growing kit (see: shits and giggles) and I even went back to my parent’s to pick up my old iPhone which I am giving to my mom (pending a new SIM card so it will truly be hers). But really, I just wanted to get into my elastic shorts and lay around. I’ve felt so drained the last two days. I’m out of it. But hopefully tomorrow will be better. I’m looking forward to the slate of NFL games, starting with a 6:30 am game in London. I’m not giving myself a great chance to win this weekend in fantasy football, but it would be pivotal if I captured at least one victory. We’ll see. 

Amanda and I are doing good. We have a very relaxed way about us. It’s not a relationship where I always need to be paying attention to her. She pretty much does her own thing. I don’t worry about our relationship falling apart; we never fight and we seem pretty content with the way things are. She’s very much her own person, and I respect that. The relationship is not her identity, as it should never be. This is really the first time I’ve been with someone who was an adult. She’s got herself figured out, there’s no experimenting or denial. I respect her immensely. 

Here’s hoping for som nor zest. 

Less Than Maximum

Score: +3

231 Day Average: +2.93

I haven’t really had the “umph” to write much lately. Things at work have been complex and energy-consuming, but I generally enjoy the work I do more than I did in the past. I just wish I was making what I’m worth.

I’ve had a bit of a break from stress lately. Things have been less crazy-intense. I’m finding I have a bit more energy after my shift is over, and I can muster the strength to do a few chores here and there. Amanda is back in a depressive cycle. She’s with her doctor right now trying to work with him on a solution. She missed work again today and things have been hard for her at work because of it. She’s struggling, and there’s nothing I can do about it but be there to comfort her.

My parents are coming back this week, and I think Amanda and I are going over to their mobile abode Friday after work. It’s been more then 4 months since I saw them. I’m looking forward to this week being over for more reasons than that. I feel like my energy reserves are draining slowly, and soon I will not have much left. I need better sleep, and I really wish I could wake up quickly and get going. Things have been a slog for me in the mornings. Maybe I’m getting depressed too?

Amanda bought me an e-cig for my birthday (which is coming up) and I really like it. I was about to go buy a pack of cigarettes because I had the craving SO BAD, but this seemed like a better solution. I got smoky flavors, and they are nice. i can’t imagine the sweet tasting ones… yorf. I much prefer vaping pot, or smoking musky cigarettes or cloves. It’s the bold smoke taste that gets me. I also like black coffee, see STRONG. Anyway, I brought it with me to work and it was cool having it on my 15 minute breaks. I’ve been following fantasy football through the week but not doing that second-guessing thing I had been doing. IO lost last week because I did that. So now, I’m just going to go with the initial gut-reaction and play it from there. Rethinking things only leads to disaster.

Have a good day blog, nice to see you.


Score: +3

I’d say that’s a good score for a busy Monday. I handled my work today, dealing with some big issues that floated my way. This has become a big part of what I do now, I talk with my manager and resolve upper-level requests. I think my coworkers just assume I do nothing all day, because I don’t take many incoming calls when the tickets flood in. Then again, I don’t give two cooked shits what they think. 

The boy was out of control this weekend. He was grumpy that we had to leave the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center once we had done every activity on both floors. He pouted that he didn’t get a toy, which we was denied because he refused to take direction on multiple occasions. Amanda and I gave up on walking with him because all he could do was brood and stomp. We put him in the stroller and went over to the San Diego gem and mineral society. They had some outstanding samples there, including a huge blue Topaz. 

The boy went to his dad’s today, and we have heard that he got in trouble at school for talking during class. His dad is very machismo, which is funny considering he’s a pasty emotionless goth. But his dad spanks him, and doesn’t positively reinforce good behavior, just administers punishment. I think that will build resentment over time. 

Today marked the conclusion of week one in the National Football League. Both my fantasy teams won, which is a treat considering week one is quite possibly the hardest of the 17. Why? No trends, no data, just guessing. I guessed good. 

Time is zooming by. Tomorrow marks the 9th month of being in a relationship with Amanda. Has it really been 9 months? Things still feel very new. Maybe because we are still learning about each other. This relationship is a promising partnership. We have been growing together, and enjoying some fantastic memories. I feel like there are many more things we have yet to do with each other. 

Overall, this was a good Monday. It could have been much worse. 

7 of 12

Score: +3

Well blog, I didn’t think I was working all weekend, but found out at the last minute that I was on the schedule for Sunday as well as Saturday, making this one of those 12 days in a row at work type things. This happened to me a few months ago, and I was pretty beat by the end of it.

The call volume wasn’t bad today, though it’s the boring that really gets to me. I tried my best to stay distracted. I played Peggle on my iPhone. beat it, and then beat Peggle Nights too, still with hours left to go in the day.

I had an unexpected affirmation today about the things I have been claiming about Jax. I can’t really go in to it, but let’s just say that I’m not making statements that can’t be substantiated. Thus, I have really, truly, closed the book on her. I’m not going back to her blog, and I’m not talking to her at the clinic if we are to accidentally bump into each other. Over it. Goodbye. /ignore

This will be a great test for me, this block of 12 days working. I know I missed day 4 with a stomach bug, so it’s not really 12 straight… but I should be taxed to a new level during this run. I have a lot of hope that this will be a really strong showing, and that I will not deteriorate into a pile of ash.

It has been hot the last two days. I did not sleep well in the 93 degree apartment. I turned the A/C on in the evening… too little too late. I was just miserable.

I hope you all did something fucking amazing with your weekends. I will get a good one coming up, with two fantasy football drafts to conduct. SWEET.


I lost big tonight in fantasy football. In the league I run I was eliminated the first week of the playoffs. In the family league I now trail and will likely lose there too next week. So I gave it my best shot, and I have failed yet again. Ruined by AJ Green’s injury and complete absence from tonight’s game. Zero fantasy points. I lose.

Today people felt it especially necessary to treat me like shit. I was hung up on, disregarded and otherwise ignored. I tried to give simple instructions on how to identify the information they need to give me and she flat out refused to help. Nope. Couldn’t be bothered. I was having a pretty sour day until my fantasy season came crashing to a halt. 14-1? Who gives a shit. Can’t win when it counts, you are a loser. Go join the nameless rabble who are not remembered.

A really rock solid day today, all around. Tomorrow I am driving to Carlsbad for my uncle’s retirement party. I will be up there for a few hours, then right back after it the next day. And the very next day after Christmas you better bet I’m working then too. And the Saturday after. Then I get to come home and watch my team be executed in the public square by my opponent on Sunday. That will be the final cherry on the cake of my failed season. Another opportunity squandered, another substandard finish to an exemplary year. But it all means nothing. I didn’t win. I’m eliminated. My season is now over. Boo.

Have a good night. Hopefully you didn’t have 20 weeks of work go to complete fucking waste. I wish I had the time back. Fuck losing. I lose every year. I never win shit. This is fucking horse-shit. So be it football gods, so be it. Your most faithful servant rendered humble before you once more. Tell me, almighty football gods, why have you smote me so many times? Do you derive pleasure from torturing a devoted follower?


Sunday Sunday Sunday!!

I had my second consecutive day off today, and boy did that feel nice. I went down to the rock tumblers early with Moo and saw the stones in stage 2 of 4. They look glassy (because they were all wet), translucent and highly colorful. I have never seen so many good jasper and jadeite samples in one place before. The mineral inclusions and overall clarity of the stones are really something special. She scored on this most recent rockhounding trip up the coast. Those coastal ranges have some cool stones locked away in them, only sending a sample down the river to the sea. What makes it down that far in the alluvial plain is largely a mystery though in reference to actual origin. I couldn’t tell you for sure where a lot of those stones came from, but I know what areas they may have been eroded out of, given time and the right conditions. So they will remain somewhat unexplained, but nevertheless beautiful. Today they got the 500 grit aluminum oxide to effectively pre-polish the stones ahead of next week’s changeover. I’m super excited to see how they finish up. They are just so amazing, and only getting better.

I hung with my parents for a little while after that. I watched my numbers come in. All told, this was a bad week for big performances, but I had a couple on my family league roster, boosting me to a 9 point lead with 1 player to go and he still has one. We have the wide receivers in tomorrow night’s football game, I with AJ Green and he with Demaryus Thomas. It’s going to be a close finish, which is all I’m asking for ahead of the final week of the NFL. I want to be close do that if I make a move there will be only one outcome: a victory. Right now in the family league I’m guaranteed at least my entry fee plus $20, but to have a shot at the big kahuna ($100) for the title, and that is truly extraordinary. I never thought in a dozen years that at the end of week 12 when I was in third place looking up at Kevin and Jessica that I would not only leapfrog them both for the division crown and #2 seed the very next week, but then string together three more wins after that was like out of the question and beyond possible. I hadn’t won two games in a row all year, and suddenly I’m on fire winning 4 in a row with the final to be decided Monday. But holy shit what a ride it’s been. In the league I run at work, I have a 10 point lead with AJ Green going tomorrow, while Tony has Seattle’s DEF/ST going tonight. I will likely need to crawl out of a 10 – 15 point hole on Monday in order to advance to the championship. The probability of that happening are unknown. I’ve never had both teams in my two leagues go to the championship game before. If I can get past Tony for the fourth time this year, it will happen. Even if AJ Green lets me down and I do not advance in either league, I still will have completed two of my most successful campaigns as a fantasy football manager. I guided my personal league team to a nearly unbeaten record at 14-1, and got hot when it counted must in the family league and have an edge in the championship game. Hell to the yes.

I had some great feedback from the developer of The Improvement Mod (Mandosrex): he thanked me for my comments, and proclaimed that I had “saved the American” civ. well gee, thanks! Speaking of the Americans, I used them today and Mandosrex did two things I like: he added a block of 5 redcoats for 200 fame at the command center, and gave the Americans falconets, which came in handy for the push to victory. The redcoats had to have been the backbone of my standing army, with riflemen and halberdiers filling in the gaps. They swarmed and crushed, especially when I brought in the five falconets I had been sitting on. They dismantled the Dutch who I was facing at the time. But the Americans are working again, and Mandosrex has promised to take the broken home city cards out that were for export or consulate improvements. Once that is done and he adds in some new troop shipments in age 3 or 4, I will be satisfied that his comments are true. I do want to be the guy who saves the civ. it’s too cool and too well done so far to throw it out. They are historically appropriate as well, as this game is set in the 1400s through the late 1800s as far as I can figure. That would make the United States a historically relevant option.

FACTION USAGE (Games Played)
1. Aztecs (30%)
2. Portuguese (20%)
3. Americans (15%)
4. Japanese (10%)
5. Ottomans (10%)
6. Dutch (5%)
7. Sioux (5%)
8. French (5%)
9. British (0%)
10. Chinese (0%)
11. Germans (0%)
12. Indians (0%)
13. Russians (0%)
14. Iroquois (0%)
15. Spanish (0%)

It’s been a restful and relaxing weekend. I again feel like I am ready to get back to work, and do my job effectively. I am really looking forward to that error report coming out and seeing if I made more than one mistake so far. I’ve been pretty good about double checking my work, but there’s always a chance something slipped through the cracks. I’m fine with it. I’m clearly not the target of that report and it’s really geared to correct the guys who are just fucking in up more often then not like Steven, Ryan and Theo. those guys don’t really care if they do the orders right or not, as long as someone else is there to clean up their mess. It’s all very silly, and largely not my issue.

I am feeling good. My fantasy football has gone about as unexpectedly as it could go, but I’m still in it! I just have to pray to the football gods that AJ Green has a decent night, and seals me in for the win. It would be, truly amazing. Have a great night, and wish me luck!

It’s Saturday

It feels nice to have a day off. I didn’t really do more than my appointed responsibilities, and that’s fine. I had a couple of games of Age Of Empires III. On that subject: I actually engaged The Improvement Mod’s developer in a cool conversation. I told him about the Americans not having plantations or any way to spend the fame they collect. You can build a command post, but it doesn’t have any fame units in it. So I thought that was kind of dumb, and makes the Americans somehow broken when compared to other civs. They also have a consulate but no place to track export on their HUD. So I registered these two issues on the mod’s page on ModDB. and he was quick to reply saying that he would add plantations back into the build list and remove the consulate. He also said he would add fame units to the command post, which I thought was all well and good. He took my feedback and will release a new patch updating the American civ with my changes implemented. I think that’s pretty awesome. I’ve had a lot of fun playing this mod, and the litany of bug fixes, retextures, animation updates, new units and technologies that come along with it. It has fully restructured the core game into a pure state, which I can imagine is a blast in multiplayer. The AI can’t keep pace with me, and on expert it’s not beatable. I’ve tried. They attack at somewhere around 6 minutes and by then I have nothing to defend myself with. This is Age Of Empires, after all. Game length should be between 30 – 45 minutes. Not 6. At six minutes I’m just starting to develop an economy and raise my villager population to something respectable. Not the time to be going to war.

My fantasy football fate will be largely decided tomorrow, as the bulk of my players will be going. Philip has already thrown two interceptions, one a pick-six. Sigh. No playoffs for the Chargers this year. Gack city.

Anyway. I’m doing fine. Had a bit of an early start today. Did my laundry and wend shopping. I am cleaning my floors and then my bbq. It needs a good scrub apparently. I am planning on depositing my last DoR check next weekend and taking out the cashier’s check I make out to Jan every month for rent. I like paying my rent, it makes me feel responsible. Because I have my shit together. I can handle that.

I’m glad to be enjoying a day of (primarily) rest. I’m having fun and taking some time off work and other work related thoughts. My battery is recharging.

**UPDATE 7:15 pm**

The mod developer just wrote back to me saying he went ahead and implemented the changes we were discussing. He also gave better access to the revolt function and technologies. He added fame armies to the command post, while removing the consulate and the export resource. He also gave the Americans access to plantations (which seems historically accurate as well). I am truly happy to have been responded to so respectfully and rapidly. I made a pretty cogent comment, and that got something done. I look forward to trying out the Americans tomorrow.

**UPDATE 12/21/14 @ 9:00 am**

Remember how I said I was going to try out the American civ? I did, but didn’t complete a game before I noticed something more that could be changed. Since removing the consulate, the home city deck still had 3 cards that gave export or made consulate improvements cheaper/faster. So there was no need for these 3 cards and I pointed that out to the developer. He quickly replied that I had “saved the American civ” and was glad I had said something. Now the U.S. Will be a useful and effective civilization choice going forward. I’m just so pleased that my comments became gameplay changes. That’s fucking awesome. I love this mid, and will continue to play it for the foreseeable future.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

It’s another Monday and I’m here before work writing another check-in post. I had really sad dreams last night, even though I can’t clearly remember what they were about. I know that someone I loved was gone, and I was trying to find a way to get them back but it was not possible. I woke up feeling off, and I haven’t felt right all morning. I actually feel vaguely stomach sick but I got myself to work anyway. I contemplated calling in, but nah. I don’t have a good reason to stay.

My weekend was both exhausting and rewarding. We totally unpacked the storage unit on Saturday and took two truckloads of stuff to goodwill and another truckload to the dump. We also set the rock tumblers going on the bounty of agates and chalcedony Moo found while visiting the north coast of California. So I will now have a regular obligation to go down there on Saturday and change the grit over the next 3 weekends. But in that time, those rocks will be renovated and beautiful. They are some of the best agates I’ve ever seen, and jasper of varying colors. Truly great loads. And soon we will see their buried secrets underneath all that pitting and weathering.

In fantasy football news, the playoffs started for me in the family league. Each round of the playoffs is two weeks long, so one must win two weeks in a row to advance to the final. I haven’t been able to put two wins together all year. But last week I beat my cousin Jessica to make it to the postseason, and this week, I built a 58 point lead and my opponent still has one player going (Julio Jones). This will likely reduce my lead to 20 or so. He’s a dynamite WR and I fear him. He’s probably not going to cover the margin, but he will cover most of it. In the work league I’ve rattled of 11 in a row now and just overcame a huge 100 point deficit on Thursday night to win by 33. I had AJ Green on both teams, who exploded for 11catches, 224 yards and a touchdown. In my work league he was worth 42 points.

All told I’m doing fine. I feel a bit off today, but I’ll probably get over it. My muscles are sore from all the insane work I did on Saturday. I was going to exercise but I’m in pain and will wait until I am not in pain to do my thing. I got a workout mat out of storage and a medicine ball too. I’m in good shape to get in better shape. Lol.

Have a good day, and happy Monday.

**UPDATE 1:30 pm**

I’m on lunch. I’ve been training on Mbox and the ticketing system we use to keep track of tasks all morning. The time has really zoomed by. I’m pretty tired still, and somehow chemically not right. I’m straining to keep with it, but I am and will. I’m hoping that I survive the night in fantasy football. I’d rather have a lead going into week 2 than not. Duh. But hanging in there.

It Begins Anew

It’s Monday morning and I’m about ready to walk into work. It was a nice weekend, not too hectic, not too boring. I got over the emotional wear and tear of the week pretty fast, and feel very well rested and content. That dream I had last night was so insane I had to stop everything and write about it. I guess my very fiction-oriented mind can create multiple tangents of strange logic and twisted storytelling for me to follow. I’ve had vivid dreams like that before. Sometimes I feel like I glimpse the core of some distant truth in those nightly adventures, but having no way to substantiate my dreams, I tend to just let them go.

I have a positive outlook on my week. I’m in a good frame of mind to (no doubt) be posed new challenges both mental and emotional. Also, I get to go shopping for myself sometime this week, though it’s really only breakfast and lunch stuff I need. I have a massive amount of frozen meat to go through before I’m officially “out” of things to eat. My healthy living log should come in handy when the time comes. Probably after work sometime this week.

I hope you had a nice weekend. I went 2-0 in my fantasy football leagues this week, bumping my work record to 7-1 and pulling myself back up to .500 in the family league at 4-4. I’m currently the 4th seed if the playoffs started today. Next week I might be getting A.J. Green back which would be a huge boost to my potential. And Megatron will be back for weeks 10-17, just in time for the postseason push. I know the World Series is happening but I could really care less about baseball. It’s a one-dimensional sport, and not nearly as exciting as the NFL.

I hope you all have a good week as well. I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready for calamity to strike me back into humility. Yorf.

**UPDATE 3:40 pm**

What a zooming day. I’m already here? Really? I feel like I just got here. I’ve been highly productive today. I published more tasks to Oracle than I ever have before in one sitting, and I did it all right. As far as I can tell. Hope your day doesn’t make your head spin off its axis. Bai.

Uncle Schmuncle

I’m officially 2-0 after a truly nail-biting finish in the Family league, squeaking by with a 1.8 point margin of victory, moving me to 3-3 on the season, and in sole possession of first place in the western division. I’m 5-1 at work, and have just catapulted myself into first place riding a 3 game wining streak. The REAL test is this week though, because 2-0 weeks like the one I just had don’t mean much if you follow it up going 0-2. Week 7 is a pivotal matchup with the derelict team in the work league (a must win) and a matchup with my languishing cousin David in the family league, as his team holds down last place in the west. He even had the first pick overall, but lost it to Adrian Peterson, who is indefinitely suspended for beating (disciplining) his son with a stick.  Talk about rough luck. But his team is not very good, and certainly beatable, so I will be counting on two big wins to keep this hot-streak going.

But more to the point: I don’t need my stupid uncle’s fantasy football league, nor would I want any part of it if offered. I despised the attitude of those people the first time around, and their complaining, whining and otherwise bitching until they got their way. Yeah, sounds like a blast Uncle Phil, boy I’m sure glad I missed all of that excitement…

He had the audacity to think his league would just be too good to resist, and I would come crawling back and submit my surrender and forget about all the nasty bullshit things he did. Right. On second thought, maybe I’ll just ignore your future emails and consider you a not important source of information moving forward. I wonder which road I’m going to choose?

So ta ta uncle Phil. Good fucking riddance to you and your pompous, narcissistic, oblivious self. I’m having a grand-ole-time out here running my own league (in which there has not been a single complaint that wasn’t respected and treated with seriousness), and have been enjoying fantasy football without your guru-like insights. He even had the arrogance to call himself “Rozelle” as though he had earned the respect and dignity of a real professional sports commissioner and we should all just listen to him and his amazing, super-insightful points of view. How preposterous. What an ass. I’m so glad to be done with him. I had long since considered this well to be poisoned, and I’m glad to see I was right all along.\


Sorry, I had just been brewing these thoughts on my own for a while, and have really no place else to go with them. People who just act and treat me like I’m (first) not an adult, and second, with no respect, don’t deserve much of my attention. It’s pretty damn early, but this is my everyday schedule eh? I go to bed around 9 as well, and I hardly ever stay up past my bed time. I’m kinda boring, but also stable and happy, which I wouldn’t trade for anything. Not even DeMarco Murray.


I’ve been on an “emotional roll” lately. I have had plenty of chances to feel sad or despairing over this or that, but I have taken none of it in, and have just gone about my life regardless. It’s hard recovering from such a catastrophic meltdown, but I have and I’m doing well. I’m interacting with new people all the time and sharing my interesting story. I find that the more chances I present myself to “get over it” the more of those chances I take, and make progress. I have been working with Margaret very closely, and she had some awesome conclusions for me to make at my last session. Truth is, I don’t have love for Jax in my heart anymore, or concern, or care. I just don’t want anything to do with her anymore, which was a hard thing to admit, given my morbid fascination with her life and it’s new direction. I’m through with occupying my time with Jax-thoughts. For good.


The “very exciting” NFL season starts tomorrow. A day I have awaited with much anticipation since the Fantasy Football leagues opened May 30. So I’ve had 80 some days to sit here and think about what I wanted to do, and when it finally came time to draft, I threw that plan right out the window and responded as the draft went a direction I could not have anticipated. Instead of doubling up on talented QBs in my jumbo-flex roster, I took 4 talented RBs and intend to steamroll my opponents with more ground game than they can handle. I run Jamaal Charles, Arian Foster, Le’Veon Bell and Ben Tate out there and see what I can get. I like having the reigns of an offense that focuses on the run, like Kansas City will have to considering their only wide-out is suspended. The guys I got will get 15-25 carries a game, and those are numbers you can build off to achieve success. You have seen my rosters, so you know what I did. The Ideus (Bailey) league is a bit murky. I’m not putting much stock in ESPN’s initial prediction that I will be swallowed by 20 points or more. Says I have a 20 point victory margin in the other league. Don’t put much stock in point-forecasting. If anything, it’s fun to compare how they project and how they perform when it’s said and done.


So I don’t have much for you this morning. I’m writing less because I’m not struggling with my feelings like I have been in the past. I’m doing well, and scooting along happily.

After The Draft Is Done

I’ve had both drafts in my two leagues, and they went very well. I have a wide-receiver heavy team in the Ideus (Bailey) league and a balanced attack in the work league. I won the best draft award in the work league with a B+. And I’ve already had to put down some silly trades. Ian is right back at it trying to get me to trade week 1. He’s so funny.

Anyway, in the Ideus League my roster looks like this:

QB – Drew Brees
WR – Calvin Johnson / A.J. Green
RB – Alfred Morris / Frank Gore
FLEX – Antonio Brown / Roddy White
TE – Kyle Rudolph / Heath Miller
DEF/ST – Cincinnati
K – Steven Gostkowski

And In the Detail Oriented league:

QB – Phillip Rivers / Andy Dalton
WR – A.J. Green / Brandon Marshall
RB – Jamaal Charles / Le’Veon Bell
FLEX – Arian Foster / Andre Johnson
TE – Jason Witten
DEF/ST – Cincinnati
K – Matt Bryant

Stale Flavorings

I’m not the kind to complain, really. I’m only ever alarmed when things are disproportionately wrong, like today at work when Kevin just ignored 2 calls and let someone else deal with the customer, because he was busy talking about headshots. It’s a known fact that retarded behavior is not tolerated. And this looks like a turd smudge on the face of the company. These are the sort that are directly interfacing with customers, which is good, if you know what you’re doing. If you don’t, there will be problems. I’m certain of that.

What I like to do, is when I get on the phone with a drive thru troubleshooting call, I like to imagine myself in a greasy fast food kitchen, looking for this absurd piece of vital equipment, where to find it, what size, shape and color it is, what it might also look like… you get the picture. I then tell them exactly what to do with it, and how to make a malfunctioning electronic device work again, in mere moments. It’s a satisfactory turnaround, with immediate payoffs in satisfied people who are (now) not wondering why they have a monthly subscription. Now they’re saying: hey, I’m sure glad we have that service. They just fixed my problem!

Sweet. So I get that when you do this job right, it can be totally rewarding, not frustrating, but simple. And it’s repetitive, as the same types of equipment fall victim to the same EXACT problem, because they’re all exposed to identical conditions. It’s easy to save the day when you know what you’re doing. Right? This should all make some sense, I’m not the exception.

I, rather, fall in a range with some good, hard working folk who have a mutual respect for what I do. To date, I have not had any kickback, no reprimand or castigation, rather, they prefer to point out procedural mistakes and imply that they be avoided. At least, I presume to learn something from these “coaching” emails. Of the 2 I’ve ever seen in my time at the company. Meanwhile, everyone around me is eating the poop and dying. I hear horror stories about kickabck from other departments, or orders gone wrong, resulting in a failure of service. If we promise that we’re going to do something, we sure as hell should do that thing we said. I hope this isn’t like, shocking. Everyone aught have enough moral presence to observe some essential behaviors. Application of effort, comprehension and learning, adaptability and progressive thinking. Aren’t these kind of important if you want to go far in the world? The exception to this rule are people who violate morality, like criminals, degenerates or other lesser beings. If you want to exploit your way to a living I do not endorse you. I would condone no such action.

I’ve been thinking a lot, because I find that we don’t really need all the people we have. There are too many, too much dead time, where not a single call is coming in, and everyone thinks it’s super great to meander around and barf about this and that. I have had the good fortune to get a chance to talk NFL with Joseph, who knows a lot about fantasy football as well. It’s been nice to be able to drop names like Bernard Pierce, John Kitna, Harry Douglas… we have a deeper than average understanding of the National Football League. Is John Kitna even in the NFL anymore?

There was no real point to any of that, other than to say that dead time means people come flock over to my desk and check out what I’m doing, or strike up conversation with me, or SIT on my desk and hang out. I mean really, I don’t ever have to go anywhere, the party comes to me every day. It’s TGIF at Westin’s desk! Bitches!

So I was tossing back song lyrics on Google Chat with Mike today, and I stumped him twice, once with The Moody Blues’ The Voice and then later with Gerry Rafferty’s Waiting For The Day. I’m a music stud. Seriously. Get the fuck out the way, I got you.

Well blog, I’m going to toodle around the internet for a while and then call it a night. It’s been fun catching up with you after a very stimulating day. I really appreciate you always being here for me, whether it’s good or bad, you always listen. And I’m thankful for that.


I Wish It Was September 4th

I’m antsy because the start of the NFL season is looming, and draft day is a mere 15 days away or less. That’s the last 15 days of a 93 day long drought of NFL offseason. The last 10 days are going to burn a hole through my mind. I’m a perennial top 3 finisher without a crown. I’ve won back my dues year after year, but this time, I want 1st. I’m tired of losing. I need to draft well and finish strong. This is my core philosophical approach. I’m always willing to talk trade. Mind you. But I need to know how to hold on to my best cards. It’s hard to predict sometimes, and oft we gamble and lose. Things happen. But not this year. Not to me. I’m going all the way this season, for glory or for the winnings. It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.

53 Days To Go…


My fantasy football league has finally filled with managers. Since I got this job, I’ve been exposed to a whole new set of individuals who may or may not be into that sort of thing. I threw an email out to the agents today, and one of them came back and wanted in. The field is full! 8 teams, diverse, 11 roster spots, individual defensive player, PPR/PPA/PPC. A flex (W/R/T) spot, and a HUGE flex spot (Q/W/R/T). See what I mean? I’ve been planning this for a long time, and even had a FULL season test run with the first Detail Oriented league. This year, no mechanical issues, just clean good fuck yeah fun.

I’ve been asleep, waiting for the NFL to come. All this World Cup horeshit gets me laughing. What a retarded sport. It’s a sport decided by a MINIMUM of action, often resulting in scoreless ties, which then are resolved with this fucking penalty kick type thing. It’s insane. And they fake injury, and the refs go right along with it. Their sport is corrupt, slow, boring and idiotic. The NFL is in a class all its own. With STUNNING athletics, talented position players, and unique, chess-like roles, maneuvers, plays, scripts and movements all calculated, pondered and second guessed by hundreds of staff. Players strive, dive, leap and hurl themselves in amazing, heart-pounding ways, every single season. I can’t tell you how authentically amazing the NFL is. And by no means do I condone the violence and thuggery that goes on in the NFL, and the devious lying and tactics and arrests and all of that. I’m aware of it. No one’s perfect. I don’t hold the sport responsible for it’s players, and the NFL has integrity in areas where most other sports don’t compare. It’s not an argument, but a statement of fact.

Peace be with you travelers. My league being full will no doubt render me capable of mocking until my head blows up. In fact, I’m about to go do that right fucking now. See ya. Oh, and by the way, I draft 3rd.

Detail Oriented II: League Settings

I have finished calculating the best configuration for the second year of managing my own league. I based this primarily on experimental data collected during last season. I have figured out, in my opinion, how to balance the different roster positions against each other to reward each, yet, keep them at comparative, competitive levels. I have included the breakdown box, which is where my spreadsheet draws variables to calculate fantasy point values on the main scorecard. It will tell the exact fantasy point value for every score-able element. Each scoring category is reiterated in the detailed comparisons shown after the breakdown box.

The league is going to be better than ever this year, and even if I have to scour the public forums for participants, I shall have a league.



201422det1 201422det2 2014ssdet3 2014ssdet4 2014ssdet5


FFL Update

I’m feeling it in the water and smelling it in the air… football season is coming back. Not yet, but soon, it will return in all it’s splendor, excitement and intrigue. In preparation for yet another year of FFL and NFL drama, I’ve christened my two teams, one in the NEW LEAGUE I WILL BE RUNNING (reply if you want an invite at the end of the month), and the other in the family league. I’m going for chargers references, plus me = coded nerd message.





Anyway, I’m not activating a league until Yahoo! opens up to the public. Not going with ESPN as host. They fucking suck by comparison.

I’ll no doubt end the “dark time” of the NFL offseason when training camps get going. Hard Knocks is going to be selected by June. A lot is waiting in the wings.


17 Weeks of Winter?

The super bowl is over. There will not be another relevant NFL event until Fantasy Football Leagues re-open for the 2014 season… in 120 days. Or, 17 weeks.

I’m going to totally unplug this offseason. I felt like “riding the wave” of the hot hand at the end of the year probably cost me a championship in the work league. I opted to gamble, and lost it all. Whatever. I’ll not have that league again, considering I don’t work there anymore. They cut me lose like an unwanted skin-flap, as I recall. So, I have made balance changes to the league, thus, perfecting the scoring and settings. Trouble being, I will not have commissioner-ship over anything but a sad public league most-likely. Where people give up cuz its free to enter. And their team names are like “PEE IN MAH BUTT” or substantive equivalent.

So, 120 days away from this nonsense would be appropriate. I’m poorly this year. Been hard trying to think clearly about it. Maybe I over-scrutinized my options… maybe I just obsessed beyond logic. I ventured into some realm of attempting to know more then I should have been able to know. I guessed away my success. I thought I had it all. I ended up with $20. Boo.

So welcome ye dark time! Bring on the absence of NFL gossip and innuendo and news report with haste. Let me have my winter, and speak to me again once the bright sun of Training Camp strikes the horizon. I’ll be back into it again by the time Hard Knocks is available for download. Then we’ll see what new way I have planned to embrace mediocrity and make more spontaneous bad guesses than your average mook. I ponder my lot as I am an openly-active-mourner of Charger’s nation (or whatever we fans are calling ourselves these days), and all the “so close” and “just barely” moments I’ve had. Finishing 3rd is dreadful, and winning the 3rd place game is like wining a fresh turd. Finishing second just BURNS. I’ve never won anything. I’d really like to be a winner at this.

We’ll have 17 weeks to swallow the bitter pill of my real wins to losses ratio. My embraced mediocrity. 45-36 (.556 avg). I’m not living up to my expectations. I’m, so far, languishing in two under-achieving years of my 4 in FFLs. I wish my Uncle hadn’t lost his mind and destroyed HIS OWN LEAGUE, In which i was 8-2 and a STRONG 2-0 in head to head matchups vs the commish. He offered up a vote to cancel week 10 because of managers being unable to use the mobile app to update their teams. We said, no. HE canceled it anyway. It was the final straw in a long dictatorship fraught with the acts of an arrogance and tyranny. Thunderbolt, slam, dead. I had my sights set on the playoffs. Gone.

I really really want to win godamnit.

So, my thoughts are muddied on the whole issue. I will give my brain a break and contemplate this ever-changing equation again soon.


Below are both performance comparisons and the Changelog for the work league I run. Through the season, I’ve seen where the settings and values need to be tweaked, and balanced slightly to achieve equilibrium. I have reflected these changed statistical categories by highlighting them, and then providing the 2013 season average for each comparable position player analyzed.  Not likely that I will change this much. Each top-scoring-performer in each score-able roster spot was scrutinized for comparison purposes. Flukes are bound to happen (See Jamaal Charles, Josh Gordon, Cincinnati Defense). This league is really about trying to make it fair, overall; and success to be based on your individual talent-assessment abilities. Feel free to comment if you notice something that sucks.







I can be regretfully arrogant from time to time. Especially being the commissioner, it may have been a fortuitous fate. I went 6-8 on the regular season, and missed the playoffs in the league I created. My roster Looked, more or less, like this through the year:


QB – Cam Newton / Michael VIck
WR1 – Larry Fitzgerald / Andre Johnson / Roddy White / Antonio Brown
WR2 – Marques Colston / Vincent Jackson / Hakeem Knicks / Stevie Johnson
RB1 – Lesean McCoy /  Jamaal Charles / Le’Veon Bell / Alfred Morris
RB2 – Danny Woodhead / Pierre Thomas
TE1 – Jason Witten / Jordan Reed
DEF/ST – Seattle / Miami / Denver
K – Dan Bailey / Matt Prater / Stephen Gostowski


Obviously, at key moments this year, some of those guys hit big zeros. Important also, exceedingly close match-ups were lost. The streak of failing to win stat-corrected games is at 0:3 over my time in fantasy-land.


So, my apologies for my arrogance. I just want to be the best. This year, I’m not.

Down, Down and Playoff Bound

I’m off all meds at this point; have been for days. I worked right through my psychiatry appointment 2 weeks ago, and could not get any refills without seeing my psychiatrist first. So, I set myself up for disaster. Now I’m here, suffering through the withdrawal symptoms of the Effexor. My brain feels crushed against the inside of my skull. My stomach is constantly upset. My energy, despite the Aderall, is in the tank. I can hardly focus on anything, and I feel on the edge of sobbing every second of the day. I literally broke down into tears twice last night for almost no reason at all. Fear and anxiety are running totally rampant.

This has been in the background. I’ve been pressing on, and working, and putting on my happy face, and fighting to maintain stability. Thankfully, I see my doctor in about 45 minutes. I should have my medications today, and be back on track towards a healthier state very soon. At least, in my head…

Someone in my apartment complex falsely accused me of hitting some guy’s parked car on the street outside the building. I’ve been through the rigmarole with the insurance company, explaining that this report is based on hearsay, and claimed on my vehicle despite a sworn statement fingering a vehicle that does not match the vehicle I own. My vehicle has no damage on it. My vehicle is white, not brown. My wife has pink hair, and would be pretty easy to identify, as she was claimed as the responsible driver in said made-up incident. It stands to reason that grotesquely ignorant people are going to make up bullshit to create some drama in their otherwise pointless, un-evolved, pathetic lives. I utterly detest liars. I am planning to move the fuck out of this building relatively soon. Fuck this place and the garbage-people that reside here. Morons.

My reality is wrinkled from time to time. Not sure why this happens, but it does. The unknown of the next moment in time, while often benign, can sometime create a resounding impact, sending ripples across the surface of the pond. I have no reason to project, but instead, I cope with things as they arrive. I strive to be ready, rather than planning fruitlessly for the unrealized fate of us all.

In the Ideus (Bailey Family) league, I’ve clinched a playoff berth as the #4 seed. My record is 8-5, and I play my Cousin Jessica (10-3), the #1 seed. We’ve split our regular season match-ups (2), with a 20 point swing each way, per game. I’m in the playoffs for the second consecutive year (of the 3 the league has been in existence). I made it to the championship last season, and got annihilated. I’m tired of losing. I’m bored of second place. It’s my time to win. Just win, baby.

In the work league, in which I am the commissioner, I am FIGHTING for the #4 seed. There are 5 teams with the same, qualifying record (potentially). I hold the tiebreaker with the most points scored amongst them in the regular season. It’s come down to the final week, and 2 playoff berths are still available. Ideally, I’ll finish 7-7, and clinch my spot 7 days from this moment. I have some pretty tough, not opportune scenarios to contend with. The ebb and flow of fate is casting me, mercilessly, to and fro.  Win one, lose two, win two, lose one. It’s come down to the final contest; luck is no bartering damsel. I have to ponder my possibilities, and do the best my ill-equipped brain can to achieve my postseason dreams.

I distract myself with work, play, and study. I try my best to find safe-harbor from the pain in my mind.

My wife and I had sex last night, and I came like a teenager, rapidly, through the first few moments of being inside her. Right as I felt her body beginning to warm up, the way girls do when they start the sensual climb, and then I started coming. It just rolled, and rolled, and kept pouring out of me, and it never truly climaxed, but felt like a dull glow through my body. My hardness remained through the sequence, but failed me just as she was getting worked-up. I felt like a disappointment, because I hate going first. I remind myself that this is rarely an issue. My self-maintenance in the absence of intercourse has been stagnant. I was longing for her, specifically. I imagine, if regularity returns, that this prematurity will fade, and the stamina I am accustomed to in familiarity, will return.

I am about ready to head out to the psychiatrist’s appointment I have scheduled. I hope to discuss a new, less heavy-duty, med routine. I want to cut one or two of them loose. I can’t function as I am now, but also can’t be medicated beyond accessibility. Balance is a difficult goal to achieve. But I’m going to do this. I have counseling scheduled for the 17th, and I fully intend to make positive steps in the direction of positivity, stability and happiness.

The Answer

Have you ever been stridently right? I mean… like center of the bullseye and shit. Boom, statement delivered, done, thank you.

How about beating you boss into the ground like a train spike?

Ok, done. Trash talk, to date, has been OFFICIALLY BACKED UP. I proved it by winning, game over for you. TAKE THAT contradictory opinions! BOOM.

It’s nice to open the season winning both glory, and a huge beer when Saeculum Obscurum went 1-0. I won in the “Bailey” (now Ideus) league as well with 1.21 x 10^9.

A guess at the meaning of either name is appreciated. I highly doubt you will get either of them. I’m like 4 levels deeper than you.

I sound like such a shit head. But in reality, I’ve answered huge dissent, angst and conflict amidst the league managers with clarity, and decisive vocabulary.

They were disagreeing about whether a trade should be vetoed or not, and one poor bastard was on his own screaming about how unfair it was and that he’d voted to cancel it, and hat he would even have declined the SAME TRADE if offered to him… anyway, I answered the opposing forces with the following statement:

I totally think the best leagues have guys who discern, contemplate and
(importantly) differentiate. Our varying opinions only make us consider
alternative views, hence, new information. All thoughts and opinions are
welcome, and contribute to our vastly different drafts, starting rosters
and future trades.

(Dude who disagrees) brings up good reasons for disliking the trade between (The two people involved in the trade),
even if the league itself doesn’t wholly concur. Our reasons for liking
or disliking a trade are SUPPOSED to vary, because we all have an
equally kooked-up whacked-out talent assessment ideas. No one knows how
anything is going to go. We do all seem to have some SOLID guesses. But
who has anything more than that?

Seriously, If you know a player or coach directly that you get your
fantasy leads from, let me know. Because I want in on that action.

Friends, we’re ultimately, the victims of chance. All we hope is that
the injury bug stays away from your team, and a few of our independent
educated guesses (hopefully, more often than not), worked out.

As (a guy who says “peace” often) would say:


Because we all have reasons, but in fairness, you can’t talk shit unless you actually DO what you said you were going to. I bet my boss I could still kick his ass WITHOUT two of my best receivers. DONE. Please administer the penalty to the loser, and send them to the oubliette of utter shame.

It’s only week 2, chill out kid.

Mocking Too Early

I’ve done dozens of mocks at this point. No results, really, to speak of. Things are still “up in the air,” and since individual league settings tend to neutralize findings anyway, I don’t give too much credence to what roster positions are filled in what order.

The work league roster format is:


Ideally, I might fill roster positions during the draft in this manner:

QB – Round 3
WR – Round 4
WR – Round 6
RB – Round 1
RB – Round 2
TE – Round 8
W/R/T – Round 5
W/R/T – Round 7
DEF/ST – Round 9
K – Round 10
IDP – Round 11


That does not take into consideration drafting BNs at some point before selecting a K or IDP.

I have 100 players on my draft board. Names that keep popping up are somewhat interesting. I’m not sure if I like what I’ve observed so far. These names are pretty much based on a standard, non custom league setting, with simple drafters following a pre-set order of relevance. Pretty much sticking to the Yahoo! format. So, my results have little relevance at this point. I’m bored though, so here you go:

QB – Drew Brees, Cam Newton

WR – Calvin Johnson, Marques Colston, Reggie Wayne, Antonio Brown

RB – Marshawn Lynch, Alfred Morris, Frank Gore, Darren Sproles

TE – Jason Witten, Greg Olsen

Eh. Not too excited about that crew. M. Lynch is the wrong class of RB that I am interested in. D. Sproles might be at the end of the line, productivity-wise. Is the sophomore slump for real? Is this all just superstition and hocus-pocus?

Blathering. My thoughts are an alphabet soup of NFL players. See you later.

The Inside Poop

No one knows a fucking thing. But they still say things regardless.


It’s interesting, however, to pick-through the shreds of reasoning most pundits (talking-heads) have for their beliefs. What am I referring to, exactly? It’s the brutally humbling world of NFL Fantasy Sports. Duh.


Not surprisingly, I’ve created MY OWN league this year. Much as I described in previous posts, but re-balanced, tweaked and tested throughout the long, dead wasteland of the offseason. OTA’s are about as boring as dead turtles fucking. Training camps don’t begin until the end of the month. We’re getting close, but we’re not there yet.


For me, the NFL is strangely pleasing. It demonstrates a high level of strategy on the part of coordinators and coaches, portrays momentary, great or panicked decision-making, huge physical exertion, and the whole thing is done at full fucking speed. Every play is different, albeit, the majority can seem (initially), fundamentally uninteresting; the nature of the expectation is wonder: will anything happen? What is about to happen? What about this new set of circumstances?


The criteria of achievement changes, and the game seems to have a “flow” about it; where “momentum” or “energy” can dictate rapid alterations to previous events, or inspire dramatic action. It is assignments, physical struggles, and a challenge to play in the most crucial engagement at the pinnacle of athleticism. The best of the best, play in the NFL.


People who can’t play (nor have the desire to), are locked into an observational standpoint, where analysis and understanding prove to be the most integral endeavors. Pondering the game’s endless complexities, and literal collisions of outcomes can result in endless moments of entertainment (for me, at least).


Numerical values make sense to my tiny brain, so mathematically expressing these athlete’s achievements is a good way to keep track of things, study said things and ponder upon their celestial importance. Often times, pundits will claim to have unlocked the future’s magnificent secrets, by injecting the womb of uncertainty with the semen of opinion. Such transparent, pointless and dangerous intrusions are for the decidedly meek, easily-controlled masses. It comes from no source of comparable meaning, and therefore, has no value.


I can go on all day claiming “well, I think THIS BULLSHIT HERE is going to happen.” But really, who am I kidding? I don’t fucking know; neither do they. They’d like you to think they know. But they don’t. No one does. I hope that’s clear…


Just laying this out there: what if, instead of pontificating about nothing, we concentrate our efforts on making relevant observations, or concluding upon facts.


I try to ignore most things I hear. It’s probably a good policy in general. I get to form my own opinions, while lying partially-submerged in the clear pool of ignorance. I much prefer to not know, than know something useless.


This year, I am commissioner of the work-wide fantasy football league, customized to a very discerning and particular set of rules and conversions. Points will have to be earned with skilled, logical guesses. Player values are going to be assessed through preference, primarily. At least, I believe opinions to have the majority-share of the projected worth of anyone in the NFL. Projected is another word for “here, I pulled this out of my ass, and it’s just for you!”


I’m a ticking time-bomb of expectation and suspense. I have been RIGHT THERE, “in it” every fucking year. And I never take the crown. Fuck that noise.


I said this last year too, right before my stupid fucking Uncle imploded my 8-2 record (with 2 wins against HIM). Disgraceful behavior that simply can’t be repeated.


So, here I go into waiting. Waiting for my drafts, and thinking numerical thoughts, in the pendulum-swing of comprehension that is my offseason routine. I make no Unitas Guarantee. I just plug away at my spreadsheets, and hope.

Detail Oriented?

Not sure what I’m going to call the Fantasy Football League I run this year, but for some reason, “Detail Oriented” fits the idea I had in mind. It speaks of a league focused in me minutia of scoring, settings and individual matchups; which is the precise reason I love the game. It’s my own opinions about talent in the NFL, expressed through craftiness, trades, intuition and guesses about matchups.

I’m not sure if my ideas are right, but I sure like them.

So, in order to achieve this “balance” I’ve so eloquently spoken of, I created an amazing MS Excel spreadsheet to do the scoring calculations for me. Since I have no access to the Yahoo! leagues for some time, I’m dedicated to discovering the optimal configuration that will yield a truly “fair and balanced” experience for those involved. I’m the Fox News of FFLs.


So, here’s what my roster card looks like from the Excel document. I make no promises about this being a final version, but it’s about as close as I think I’m going to get on team composition. 11 slots. Sound familiar?


Scores by position will convert game statistics into fantasy points per league rules, which are expressed on a different page. They amount to the EXACT scoring and settings configuration of the “soon-to-be” Yahoo! league that I will run.

Manual entry is for adding “projected stats” or some similar made-up number that is based on a guessed-at total for said player in his position slot. I find comparing actual vs. projected can yield some amusing results, so I added it there for fun.

I have toiled mightily over the precise settings and scoring options. I really would appreciate your feedback, if you have any. I’m 100% open to suggestion, or providing explanation for my logical processes.


I’m thinking, all told, it will be pretty fun. Whether players drop-out mid season or not, I know I’M going to have a blast. With these settings, there’s no chance for exploiting the settings. I’m looking forward to 2013, and I hope you are too.

Did I mention I’ve been given the OK to run my workplace FFL? I’m only a little fucking excited about that. I am probably going to use my scoring and settings there. Try it out on some nerds, see how it goes. I bet it will be a fucking adventure in awesome, either way it goes for me.

115 More Days… Sigh

I’m actually watching all the previous seasons of Hard Knocks because I’m so fucking sick of dead-time already. Wasn’t the super-bowl like, last week or something? And here I am, impatient as always. Struggling. It’s going to be A LONG TIME before I am appeased. The NFL off season is a “dark time.” Much like a dramatic and prolonged winter. There is really no other sport, in my opinion, worth paying attention to in the interim. Basketball is organized thuggery and hardly a sport. Baseball is dreadfully boring, too long, and fundamentally uninteresting. The fantasy equivalents of said sports are just… retarded. In my world, the National Football League is the un-ursurpable king.

I no other forum do the complexities of individual interactions mean so much to the game. A single match-up can ruin a drive, or break the game wide open. There is no surrender in football. There is always a chance. It’s chaos theory at it’s embodied pinnacle. Who is stepping up? Who is getting beat? Who extended themselves beyond what we understand as the “limit?”

~115 days is a long time to wait for the beginning of training camp. But it is what it is. And I will be thinking little football thoughts as the time passes.

This year, I fully intend to manage my own league. I have been toiling over the specifics of how to balance scoring. I think I have finally done it. I’ve created a system which is balanced enough to allow for ONLY the individual talent choices to be the deciding factor in whether you win or lose in the league. It’s never going to be about exploiting a scoring system, as has been the case in EVERY SINGLE LEAGUE I have ever been a part of. There was always a way to exploit the scoring, even if it took some brain-power to figure out.

I have done the math. I have worked the variables down to a fine-science. I know how to balance scoring, so no position offers an advantage over the others. It’s going to come down to how the managers assess talent, draft and make waiver moves. That’s it. Smart players will win. Period.

This is the way it should be.

I have not FULLY decided on my teams yet. There will probably be 2 of them, one in my family league, one in my league. 3 teams is too much for me to keep track of. I hate the manager who runs 8 teams, and when I ask him “what’s your record?” He answers, “Well, I’m 10-2 in one league, and 8-4 in another.” Thus, the cream of the crop are presented as the definitive data set, when the rest of those teams are 2-10, 3-9 and so on…

As Dieon would say: “Good luck wit’ dat.”

Give me a break, manager with 8+ teams. You hide your flaws poorly. And your stupidity glares with glowing eyes at me. I see your little mind, despite your attempts to obfuscate.

I’ve finished in 2nd place 2 years in a row, and was RUNNING OFF with the lead in my Uncle’s league, until he selfishly, insanely, dissolved said league under the maniacal iron fist of his challenged tyranny. Shame on you, Uncle Phil. You’re an idiot.

I would never do what he did. Never. It’s not the job of the Commissioner to be noticed. He is a PLAYER AS WELL, not the “ruler of the league.” Go ahead and think of yourself as the “Pete Rosell” of your league. Yeah, right… you’re not the president of decision making. And that should never be changed. Arrogance and pompousness aside. We are in this together. No one stands above the rest.

I wonder if I will win my first championship this year. I may, as I’m only improving as the years pass. I think I can, I believe I can, and eventually, I will. Patience…

I’m a deadly opponent. A fast-waiver-mover. A repetitive thinker. A discerning foe. I await the challenge of the 2013 season. But I have some time to be idle. Waiting. Thinking. Calculating the demise of my enemies.

“In time, you will learn to call me… master.”

That Huge Dick-Sandwich!

Phil destroyed he league, FINALLY. Physically disbanded it after ridiculing everyone repeatedly and publicly. After several incompetent whiners demanded that week 10 be thrown out due to a Yahoo! glitch as well as their own procrastination in setting lineups, so it was tossed, despite A LEAGUE VOTE where the MAJORITY said NOT  TO DO THAT. He dd it anyway, and expected hypocritical actions were publicly pointed-out, and questioned he freaked and destroyed the league.

In reaction, I think I’m just fine. He was creating some serious stress for me, and others I imagine. This just takes some trouble off my plate, frankly. I’m doing my own league next year, why should I care if Phil destroyed his league?  I know how GOOD I am, so that doesn’t change anything. I already know not to do the fucked up things he did in my own reign as supreme  lord of football, but meh, I feel ripped off for the time I spent calculating how to beat his stupid fucking point setup as well as HIS ASS. 2-0. I don’t care if you throw out week 10, I STILL BEAT YOU TWICE bitch-pants McDickerprick. Suck it. Scoreboard.

So, I’m ok, just mad that THIS was how it had to end. Just silly. I wish we had a non-shitty commissioner. Next year, I can go make good on tat intent, and run the best league I’ve ever been in.

How To Correctly Respond to Bad Things

I just had to share what a good job I did not freaking out over my Uncle’s tantrum.

VELVET FOG = My Uncle Phil’s team

NC03182512 (Air Coryell) = Me

See how much FUEL is there, plus all the other mean stuff he sent me? I just tried to have a positive thing to say, even though my emotions are all fussed up about it. I’ll get over that, WITHOUT taking it out on him or anyone else who does not deserve it.

Li’l Y Lineup Week 10

I’m 7-2 currently.

This week, I must “stump the Unk.” I need to throttle his arrogant overbearing ass. I’d REALLY LIKE to be 2-0 vs him, and I think I will be pissed if it goes another way. Really. Injustice reigns if he wins. It would be a crime.

The league appears to be on my side, however:

No one ever votes, but me and Phil… until this week. =)

This is my starting lineup. Aaron Rodgers and Randall Cobb on BYE this week, so, chances of winning are lower than I’d hoped.

Remember, bonus yards over thresholds ~100 yards and bonuses for plays over 40 yards long. PP Attempt (.3) PP Reception (.5) [My reasoning for 4 RB, they’re always worth a bunch IF they get the carries]

QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick @ NE
WR 1: Julio Jones @ NO
WR 2: Danny Amendola @ SF
RB 1: Marshawn Lynch vs NYJ
RB 2: Michael Turner @ NO
TE: Aaron Hernandez vs BUF
FLEX 1: Ryan Mathews @ TB
FLEX 2: Isaac Redman vs KC
K: Matt Prater @ CAR
DEF/ST: Tampa Bay vs SD

Good, Bad, Neutral?

**EDIT 11/10/12**

QB: Carson Palmer @ BAL
WR 1: Julio Jones @ NO
WR 2: Danny Amendola @ SF
RB 1: Marshawn Lynch vs NYJ
RB 2: Michael Turner @ NO
TE: Brandon Myers vs BAL
FLEX 1: Ryan Mathews @ TB
FLEX 2: Isaac Redman vs KC
K: Matt Prater @ CAR
DEF/ST: New England vs BUF

AND I got this fucking message as a result of everyone picking me.

Oh, talk about your back-handed compliment.

Asshole. In other words “I am pretending to pick myself because I want you to think that I think I’m going to lose, so really, it’s like I picked your team, aren’t I great? But I didn’t pick your team at all actually, I picked my team, because really what I’m saying is, I think MY team is better, and I think those other guys in the league  just hate YOU less than ME so that’s the only reason they voted for you. And I still think you wil lose, and I will lose, but really, I’m going to beat you.”
Anyone but Phil. Please holy monkey catapult I’d like to stick a pile of shit in his face. >_<
I can’t wait to tell him I’m doing my own league next year. To hell with this.

Week 9

Quite possibly going 0 – 2 this week, but really hoping for 1 – 1. I’d like to hold first in Li’l Y, but that might be coming to an end as well, sadly. I hope I still make the playoffs. Phil thinks I will. I have, again, doubts.

Bailey league is anyone’s at this point.
Wish me luck. Randall Cobb, Marshawn Lynch and Pierre Thomas, be productive.

Pwned U

So, for the last 5 weeks, I have enjoyed wins in both the Bailey Friends ‘n Family league, as well as Li’l Y Memorial. 5 weeks, 5 straight wins. Went from worst, to first in the Bailey league. I own the top seed in the Li’l Y league, and have for the last 5 weeks. Jessica must fucking hate me for leaving her back there in the cellar (1-7).

Needless to say, this trend was somewhat unexpected. I planned to have a better season than last, where in the Bailey league I was last of 6 teams at 4-9. I am currently 5-3.

I had a league that I used to be in… the one that got me involved in Fantasy Football in the first place. My ex friend Tony introduced me to his Electric Apprenticeship league (named INDEED!), which he had at his work. I was the lone outsider. In my first year, I was 10-4 and eliminated from the playoffs, finishing 4th overall. the next year, I finished 2nd overall with a 10-4 record. Coming into this year, of the 3 leagues I had been invited to play in, I was MOST SURE I could or needed to win it all this year in the INDEED! league.

I wanted to show those guys I had what it takes. After the draft however, that plan was totally derailed when a colossally unfair trade was posted (R. Rice, P. Harvin for V. Jackson, C. Johnson). My subsequent distress over the HUGE advantage one team was clearly getting earned me immediate ridicule from the rest of the league, and I was made fun of publicly, and totally disregarded. It was clear to me, but not to them, that one team was going to become a statistically unstoppable juggernaut, and the other would have zero talent remaining. I quit the league that had shown me a passion I did not know I had in me, and that made me pretty sad.

So, with 2 leagues left to manage (which is about all I think my mentally ill brain can handle), I have high hopes that my core philosophical change, and new approach to Fantasy Football will pay off. So far, I’d say that’s the case. Li’l Y Memorial, I’m GOING TO BE 7-1 after a stat correction on Thursday hands me my 5th straight win. In both leagues. 5 weeks. 10 wins. 0 losses. Scoreboard bitches.

Down to it

Sunday game day. I’m in a deep hole in the relevant league, one that I probably won’t escape. win four, lose one… I’ll take that all day long. But we still have to go play the damn games, and I have to sit there and pray for a miracle. Underdog, always gunning for respect, always getting none. I have to win to prove I have it.
I don’t think I’m going 0/2 this week, but it is a distinct possibility far within the realm of reasonable occurrence. I ponder these things pretty regularly, trying to think about variables. My talent evaluations are almost entirely based on logical expressions. They are individually weighted values that have direct relevance to the situation in focus. Funny thing about this whole thing, is it SOUNDS like it’s numerical/mathematical computer-brain shit… however, I see them as feelings, colors, quantities of good blobs, or bad blobs. It’s hard to describe, but I SEE the possibilities of a given circumstance, and I think about all the variables impacting it, and then I formulate a probability feeling… thing. It was based on my projections about each variable, like weather, individual match-ups, home-field, distance traveled, bye week position, and so on. The list goes on because all these things factor in, albeit some more then others, but nevertheless should be included in the formulation of an outcome.

If you have two kickers, but the “better one” is kicking outdoors in the rain and the “not as great one” is in a dome, which would you start?

Just based on that? Or can I get some more variables please? Great, thanks.

I, as usual, have really no idea what to expect. Hey, I thought Minnesota was going to beat the monkey piss out of Tampa Bay on Thursday night, and boy was I looking like I had  jammed up my ass at the end of the game. Minnesota’s defense was worth close to forty fantasy points last week, and this week it was worth FIVE fantasy points. ouch, my anus is bleeding. Can you little popcorn guys help me?

I will be watching the morning numbers come in with anticipation. Most of my position players will be in the books at the end of the 10:00 am starts, with a couple here and there going on the 1:15 pm snap and the last finishing up on Sunday Night Football at 5:30 pm.

Again, this looks pretty bad for me this week. Guy not supposed to go off did (Doug Martin – against), and big-time at that…  and starter supposed to go off did not and was instead worth next to nothing  for me (Minnesota DEF/ST).

I am in this for my own personal challenge to myself, to show me how good me is at dis, and hows I can do stuff goods, MORe GooDs thAN YoUz, JErK. I hat u. Lef mah blog rIte nAo.
I’ll let you know If I plummet to the depths of despair and shame, or rise to ultimate glory and rise past the ceiling of heaven.

No pressure or anything. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGG

I hate Football

The 61 Hour Block

This unruly sum of time is the approximate distance between snaps, beginning Monday Night, and ending Thursday at roughly 5:30 pm. I call this one, the “Transaction Block,” because the primary thing happening during this time are roster moves and waiting for pending waiver claims to sort themselves out. I do some reading, looking over the data on the players I have available. I also like to cycle 3-4 players off my roster, and get some fresh faces in there. I may even start one of them.

Speaking of 61, I just so happen to be 6 and 1 in the Li’l Y Memorial Fantasy Football League, which has a VERY NICE payout for best regular season record and champ. The afore mentioned record puts me all alone in 1st place, with everyone eating my dust by at least a game, most @ 2, and only 1 guy ahead of me in total points scored.

I don’t suck at this, clearly.

My other team went from LAST PLACE to FIRST PLACE after ripping off 4 straight wins to get above .500 for the first time all year. AND 2nd place overall in points scored.



Seriously though, it’s just deductive reasoning. It’s nothing fancy; I have no inside scoop. Probabilities, looking at the scoring & settings, and waiver watching… that’s it. A winner you shall be.

So, take it or leave it, the records speak for themselves.

Last year, 10-4, 2nd place in the playoffs, 10 owner league.

Year before that (FIRST YEAR DOING THIS) 10-4 and 4th in the playoffs, 10 owner league.

Yeah, what you got. Bring it Sanchita. UNTZ.

I (Don’t) HATE Football!!!!

It’s a hard line to walk. I was pretty outraged earlier this year over the MNF Green Bay at Seattle game… but then again, who WASN’T outraged by that?

You might wonder why a nerdy, non-athletic anti-social goober enjoys competitive football… it doesn’t seem like the “area” my kinds of people often wander into. But the NFL is a different kind of sport, as well. It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure out a Baseball game. Most other sports are one-dimensional by comparison. Fucking soccer? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU ARE… RIGHT?

In the NFL, every down has a play, every play is a coordinated deception by 11 HUGE and differently shaped men, attempting to hide their intent to get the ball forward a positive distance. It’s a lot more complicated than chess, though I often draw that simile. I say that, because it forces you to think about MOVES. Where is this guy going to go this play? Who lines up across from him? What type of coverage is it? Can we change the play at the line, in case the defense shows its hand?

Doing any of that in golf are they?

Football is about players, making LARGE plays in the confines of their offensive or defensive roles. It’s about athletes who have made their bodies their business, and their talents are physical AND mental. Can’t be a fucking idiot and expect to learn the Patriot’s offense (Chad proved this).

GAME-smart guys (no intellectuals in that bunch) guys playing their guts out every single down. Gotta love that shit. Though the NFL brings out the emotions of many, for me, this is about seeing different guys do great and often unbelievably athletic things. Keeping track of what they do, and how they do it. It’s a statistician’s dream, and one solitary nerd’s favorite winter occupation.

Useless Information

It bothers me when people widely distribute statistical information as though it had relevance, but in truth, contains no value whatsoever. A great example is to say something like: “Oakland has lost to San Diego in thirteen consecutive match-ups.” This seemingly staggering statistic is USED to infer that San Diego has an advantage if these teams meet again.

If you don’t see something wrong with that, then allow me to enlighten you: this stat has no value, because it is just a PART of a much larger equation, extracted for its shock value, but not for its factual relevance and not including any context. Without some background information, what good is that stat? Even thought I inherently like what it says, I know better than to believe it.

Questions I might be asking would look like: who was on the offensive and defensive lines for those match-ups, and were they the same guys, or different guys? Who won the match-ups on the line in those games and was someone on the line getting beat over and over? What were each team’s records during the years this streak went on? Were corners playing bump-and-run physical coverage, zone, or man-to-man?

See how much farther you can dig to unearth the other things that go into this one-line statistic? It’s patently unfair to say “they’ve won 13 in a row” or whatever, because it has no meaning without the WHOLE FUCKING THING being illuminated. Maybe it’s not that surprising, given the context. Who knows? If you just give that stat, and believe it, you never dig, and never learn the truth.

I find I have this evaluation in most fantasy football topics on assessing player value. I have my own ways of formulating POTENTIAL, which is ultimately a better word than value, which implies direct worth, where potential is referencing expected growth.

Most people do not think this way for some reason. I’d say my whole fantasy football perspective can be summed up in one word: probabilities. I ALWAYS calculate the probabilities of success for a given game, or other thing I can come up with. I take as many factors as I can come up with into account. AS MANY AS I CAN. The more variables in the equation, the more accurate it becomes, in my opinion. Chaos, being unpredictable (injuries, lightning strikes, drops, the turf monster), can’t really be calculated, so we can get close, but not right on. A somewhat resolvable image is better than no image at all, right? At least this way, I have a provable, working hypothesis to base my roster moves on, week in and out. I am forced, circumstantially, to act on incomplete information since I’m not an insider, football scout or otherwise professionally involved. The end result is that my opinions weigh heavily on my interpretation of the facts. But I’d say the proof has been in the pudding since the get-go…

I’ve finished, in consecutive years, 4th, 2nd and now LEAD my most prestigious league at 4-1. I’d say I have SOME IDEA what I’m doing. Despite the doubters.

So, moral of the story is, if you’re going to splurt out a stupid fucking number, THINK: what would Drake do to HIS equation? He’d probably add another variable. And so should you, if you think of one.