iPhone Suggestion Only Post

I’m so sorry 😐. Hahahahaha you know what? I’m glad to hear that you’re going to be home soon. I love you 💕. I hope you are having some wonderful day and a good evening to be safe. I’m sorry I didn’t hear you back from your pain yet. I’m so proud to be able to get my life together soon. Hahahahaha sorry babe I’m sorry babe sorry. I’m so proud to say I am a good morning person and love you so much and you always look beautiful and you can love me babe.

I love the way you can get the stuff to be taken off and you have no not no problem at you. I’m glad to you have a good job 👍 was there something to you babe and you were doing a yes. I’m so proud of you 👍 was your birthday 🎂 I love you 😘.


Wow. If this is any indicator of the most frequent words I type I need to mix it up a bit. iPhone suggestions humble my limited vocabulary skills down to “sorry,” “love,” and “babe.”

I do think I say more things than this but the activity of having iPhone decide my dialogue has been revealing. I like how it recommends emojis even though I don’t use them. I don’t speak that language. Im disappointed in myself.


I have repulsively positive things to say. A big sloppy sandwich of recognition, fun and laughter. Run the fuck away while you still have legs!! Aaaahhh!

So standing in the world means not being on the ground (as much). Sometimes I sniff the dirt to remind myself that dirt and poop both end up on the bottom of my shoes.

You know what’s great? Finding people who will make crop circles with you.

Can you believe C made this for me? Sweet monkey Jeebus!! I never though green boils could be so enticing. As per my usual, I adorn all my business casual outfits with the skulls of animals I’ve eaten recently. Look at the detail!! All the tiny little crevices. You know, crevices is a terrible word.

Have a good night!

FMLB Week 9 + Bonus Brain Barf

Now that victory has been assured in week 8, I prepare for a third showdown with the Derpmeister. Undefeated on the year and in command of a fantastic lineup, It is hard to project a victory having been beaten soundly twice before. A. Rizzo has been raking but so too have his M. Muncy and W. Merrifield. The latter has cooled off a bit, but the lineup is stacked. K. Yates in the bullpen and E. Diaz has been coming in of late. His main starter is S. Strasburg but A. Nola and N. Syndergaard aren’t exactly shlebs either.

I seem perilously close to disaster again. I’ve had to scratch C. Paddak altogether since I don’t know if his neck stiffness will inflame and cause him to go down mid-week or before that now pushed Wednesday start. If I Start G. Cole he gets two starts beside Z. Greinke. So… my gamble is that even if he eats shit and gives up 6 ER like he did last time, he’ll have another chance to eat shit again in five days and seal my doom. Yes yes, pessimistic. I wouldn’t be starting him if I didn’t believe in the baseball gods. They see my plight, being resoundingly stomped by a ownerless team. Please baseball gods, don’t let your disciple suffer in this way! Give me a shot at first place and allow me to usurp DerpyDerpDerp!! I can’t snatch the Iron Throne for myself mind you, I need at least three to tie, but one against the leader is always extra juicy.

In other news of a personal nature, I’m feeling quite good lately. My emphasis on good mental health practices as a career and personal preference has caused a new sort of person to flutter past my sparkling lantern of electric death. I’m very glad do have positive influences on my interest like C provides. I’ve always looked to familiarize myself better with people that nourish my progress and allow me to be who I am without fear of judgement. I find myself being more introspective too, as I have noted in past posts. I often times impale myself needlessly on self-generated issues, however, this time I managed to liberate myself and carry on despite being perforated. I realized a few days ago how great my life is and that I’m glad I have friends that live nearby again. My work has really brought so many new and healthy living role models to emulate.

My introspective tools are working, as evidenced by the successes I have in expression; out here and in other places. I’m actively processing my feelings without suppression.  There’s a lot of room to grow into friendship with C which I am very excited about. So many days of laughing and being productive personally and externally. She likes to get shit done, and I think that’s fantastic! Admiration, you can has.

So today has a slate of early games, after a slate of early games the day before. My bold FMLB projection: numbers down across the board for position players. I’d guess about 20% less. Sending them out for day games after day games is probably a factor. Most guys who play a day game Sunday will take the field for the night game the following day. But since it’s Memorial Day, they will bleed for their country and play on short rest. THAT’S THE WAY WE DO THINGS IN AMERICA SPORTS BALL TEAM!

Steppity Step Step Stepperson

Hey there.

I’ve been doing better in terms of self care. I started exercising, which is helping improve body condition and energy. I’m organizing my responsibilities on my own without oversight, for the benefit of my mental health. Life can get poo-flingaliscious at times, and coping is really the only action; defense being impossible. Can you stop a river from flowing with your hands? Let me know how that goes if you happen to try.

Just getting used to the smell is about the only thing that one can control. We all still have to share the planet together. There’s no where else to go to be away from each other. Doing combat has this inevitable consequence of casualties, and dead people aren’t much use at doing anything but becoming unpleasant mush. This whole way of resolving issues is destructive. Hard to seek shelter under a house with no roof?

Some semblance of resentment-free acceptance being the driving mechanism is the key. Acceptance is not swallow or stash. I try to replicate this behavior in my own life, to the best of my highly unpracticed ability. It’s something worth trying, as the results could be foundational.

I’m always “lofty ideals” and “unrealistic pants” out here sometimes. Not this time. This is an act of control and reconsideration. The more it is used, the better a tool it can become. And a tool to be used to pound reason into the otherwise empty chamber pot most people have attached to their top of their necks. Fill those heads with feces and urine or it gets the hammer!

I’ve managed to reclaim 60% of my reserves of giveashittedness back from the abyss of things that are entirely out of my control. I’ve demonstrated humility and preferred Albacore when being fish-slapped into shape.

Hai, it me, the Cat. Halp me peeze? I’m a trap here in dis toopid haus wit dees toopid Hoomans. Dey no has good fud, no has give what I want. I no like dem. Need halp to run way never come back. Tell ovver Cats what happening. Tell dem!! Halp… I go bed soon. Not remember dis tomorrow.


Plain and Simple, Part 2

I filled out this silly character sheet like thing way back in the beginning (2012). Perceptions have changed a bit since then, needless to say. The original can be found here for comparison.

  1. Called: W. Eric Bailey
  2. Height: 6′ 2″ (I didn’t shrink)
  3. Weight: 235 lbs
  4. Demeanor: Proactive buddy-pal
  5. Character: Desirous intoxicant
  6. Self-Image: Large, well organized Ant farm
  7. Attributes (5): optimistic, persistent, rational, adaptable, archaic
  8. Nature: Curmudgeon
  9. Abilities (2): technologically savvy, personable relatability
  10. Human vs. Animal Ratio?: Human 88% Animal 12%
  1. Fight or Flight?: Flight
  2. Brawn or Brains?: Brains
  3. Truth or Dare?: Truth
  4. Sky or Horizon?: Horizon
  5. Introverted or Extroverted?: Extroverted!!
  6. Night or Day?: Day
  7. Red or Blue?: Red
  8. Yellow or Green?: Yellow
  9. Risk or Reserved?: Reserved
  10. Lies or Honesty?: Really?
  1. Who you are now?: Dwanglebleeg L. Magoobriuston
  2. Who you want to be?: An artichoke named Susan
  3. What is the best part of you?: I can translate for the cat
  4. What is your biggest flaw?: splat-like eagerness
  5. What drives you?: The promise of tomorrow
  6. What inspires you?: True understanding
  7. What is your conscience like?: Chuck Norris on one shoulder and Joni Mitchell on the other
  8. Who were you?: Not a friend of self
  9. What do others see in you?: Whatever I show them
  10. What do you see in yourself?: someone who has “been weighed, measured and found wanting.”


My trajectory has been unclear recently, or, wobblier than usual. Symptoms have cost me much of the momentum I had going, but not forever.

These down times are a regular event in my town. We get out the fancy streamers and everyone dresses up like sad clowns. Tickets available on StubHub.

Point being, I’ve survived worse and more help is on the horizon.

I have recently established a career path that is ever curving toward a fully self-sustaining state. 40 hours a week. I can, quite literally, raise money to pay my salary through my own actions. A successful grant or two would accomplish that. This is the full time plateau I have sought.

I have been here with me the whole time, and I can say with confidence that he is doing about as well as he ever has. I’m pleased that he hasn’t imploded into a singularity or shattered the world with recklessly destructive explodination-related incendiary activities.

Fight! Do not let Toejamela McHosebeasterson put the sweaty foot to your throat. There is a shitload left to do our here in the world. Are you going to let Moopybritches Sucktoadersplats kick your ass today? I didn’t think so Charlie Championship. So grab your vitamin water and spiked cudgel and get out there! Let’s do this!!

My pep talks only work on the hopelessly insane.


Score: +2

Got extra steps and sun time in today since I had been feeling down. I called a psychiatrist and got another job interview, so I’d say that was productive. I did some good things for myself.

In other news, a spider is in my room somewhere, hidden, waiting. I had my chance to kill it, as it was a particularly unfriendly looking arachnid. However, it deployed some form of countermeasure and escaped destruction. I’m thinking Bears are behind this.

I feel pretty detached from my sexuality. After separating my focus from topics without solutions, I’ve done a lot better managing my emotions. My sex drive basically shut off, with no object of desire at all within the scope of reality, no future, no investment to make. The flame has been snuffed.

I continue to find my place in this new city of mine. Trees are friend, it has been known for some time. I’ve lost my fishing impulse. It just, doesn’t feel fun. Clearly, this is depression affecting me slightly. I can push through with simple survival in mind, and very likely be okay. I do hope to hear back from the psychiatrist next week and get something scheduled.

Though I am clearly struggling, I am coping. I express, process and move forward. My hope is to achieve stability and prosperity again, while still being able to protect those I love.

The cat, on the other hand, vexes. Since Moo bought healthier rabbit meat kibbles, they have been soundly rejected in comparison to the previous variety of fleshy rabbit freeze-dried meat hunks. As you are about to see, the fantastic enthusiasm leading up to the moment food arrives could not have been more disappointing.

Bass Diary

Dear Diary,

I ate a worm that I found. It was food. Then I went in the reeds, but some one else was in there.

Birds kept coming over and looking in. I don’t like them. I try not to move until they leave. Nasty birds.

That man came again. This time he had a noisy thing that he kept throwing at us. Many said it was a fish, but I knew it was not. It was making sounds and several others did not like it. We knew it was not a food, and I kept telling them. This man is an idiot, ignore I’m and he will go away.

Later, I went in the reeds again and there was another worm and a mayfly on top. Now I’m full.

We all talked, and decided to splash water on the man next time he comes. He’s stupid. He will never catch us.

Tomorrow I think I’m going to eat some more, and laugh at me man when he comes in the morning. What stupid thing will he try next? Who cares, he’s dumb. Hahahahahaha!


Next Phase

Score: +4

The interview was a smash hit, and I know definitively that I made a good impression (I asked). I’m seeing now that they are careful when hiring as the job deals with at-risk populations. They don’t want to rush it and have the wrong person in the position during a crisis, or, maybe this has been a problem before and they are avoiding a repeat.

The hiring manager said I interviewed very well, and that I should be hearing from them soon about a second in-person interview. I would expect to hear back by Thursday, and if not, I’ll follow up myself and bug the shit out of them until they yield.

I would have liked to offload the anxiety/excitement I’ve been carrying around that my current situation is generating, but alas, I trudge on. Not a big deal, as I gain newfound confidence with each successive interaction. See below.

I fucking ROCKED it today. Man did I feel proud walking out of the building. Just, beaming! I showed them something I’m sure they weren’t expecting, and something they won’t be able to easily forget. I do make an impression Blog.

Not that you would have a reason to know, but I have a fantastic voice (the one you would hear if I were standing next to you telling you to read my Blog). It’s very unique, and often described as a “radio” voice. I also have a standard volume that is permanently 4 notches higher than the rest of the world. That’s not to imply I yell, my voice resonates and projects, much like a stage performer, and naturally carries easily. I also have an expressive face, and my arms and hands often flail about madly as I speak (think Octopus, with rabies, on fire). Gestures are a big part of how I communicate. It’s a full-body activity.

So, the charisma was shining through today, and it felt wonderful. I got a compliment on the NAMI warmline too from a older man who was looking for peer group resources. He thanked me and told me I was doing a great job. The week before I guy wanted to send his brother to me for individual counseling, which I can’t do. I was flattered, however. Evidence! It’s not that I just want to do this work, it’s also that I’m fucking good at it.

Today was a pride bump day. Big time. I feel all puffed-up with confidence 100% ready to take on the next step in the process. Damn it feels fucking solid to be thriving! I’m getting after it!

Introspectively, my withdraw from Latuda is probably null since my body was rejecting it pretty severely well beforehand. I don’t feel particularly less stable, but circumstance is propping me up at the moment. I’m still monitoring the situation closely. Also, I have greatly improved stability now that outside perturbatory elements have been cut free as unwanted flotsam. Hahaha, great self-gratifying thought just happened: I was feeling down being so soundly rejected the other day by someone without any relevance, only to be validated shortly thereafter by a whole new group of people who are extraordinarily relevant. Take that depressed thinking! Fucking pow!

Have a great night Blog, and here’s hoping I get more than 3 hours of sleep tonight. Please?

It’s back!


Defending Arrakeen

As you are no doubt aware, I have been contending with a persistent yet elusive enemy. Somewhere within the palace, he was waiting for the opportunity to present itself. Now that some form of protection has been established (blankets), the only thing to do was find the pilot and kill him before he could complete his mission. I am pleased to report at this noble hour that the Atraides forces have located the pilot and have disabled his Hunter-Seeker. The pilot was taken to the deep desert and dropped there with a thumper stuck to himself. Good luck pal.

Intelligence suggested we might throw off the Hunter-Seeker with a post that claimed I was dead. This deception has proved successful, and as of that post, the Hunter-Seeker is gone, clearly fooled into thinking I was already taken care of. This lapse allowed the pilot to be found and a new, less likely to survive circumstance become his primary concern.

A proud day for prosperity on Arrakis that’s for sure. No filthy Harkonnen traitor is going to kill me from behind a wall. You little fucks are tricky, but not as tricky as I am. The spice must flow.

So, the suspense of the last few days where I have felt the presence of an active hunter is finally over. I am free to come and go from the palace as I see fit. The stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is quite a relief. Nothing like knowing a nearly unstoppable enemy is closing in on you to create a little anxiety.

I will stay in the sanctuary of softness until the new day is here to greet me. Then, I will rise and see what challenges await me. Hopefully not assassination.

Long live House Atraides!

The Hunter-Seeker

Those of you familiar with Frank Herbert’s Dune know this little contraption is usually death to the one it is trained on. I have come to this determination through a several-days long evidence collection effort. I know now that one of YOU out there have trained this thing on me. I am still looking for the pilot, but to no avail.

The Hunter-Seeker is following my posts closely (first at intervals of 10 minutes, then less and less). It has been narrowing down its response time, and I do believe it is nearby somewhere, lurking. Soon it will be within a few meters of me, at which point it will move at supersonic speed to inject me with a toxin that will render me into jelly. Unless…

This may be my last post ever, as the weapon of my demise is only a few moments away after this post goes live.

To whoever out there in the blogosphere desires me dead, please know that I may yet be able to defend myself from this thing, and if I do, I’m going to come looking for YOU. If you are a Harkonnen traitor hiding in my wall, time is running out. I’ve got my Fremen warriors right here and we are going to Voice your ass to smithereens.

Maybe more blog posts to come, maybe not. We shall see.



I’m no Paul Atraides, but still, apparently, worthy of assassination.

Zero G Slug Attack!

I have been infiltrated by an unwanted gastropod, who hitched a ride on me from some point on my fishing journey this morning. Once I put my jacket away, he crawled up the wall, then onto the ceiling. This is when I spotted him, on approach to deliver what I’m sure was to be the killing blow while I was busy blogging (or otherwise not paying attention to the potential of sky slug). “Son of a bitch!” I shouted, and disposed of the unwanted invader. “A watery death for you!” I cackled madly, my face illuminated from underneath and my eyebrows wildly accented. Muahaha!

I have “created” a new fishing lure (see abomination). As I described earlier, I demolished a rooster tail and added all this trout shit to it. It’s basically the worst thing I’ve ever seen, and the probability of catching anything more than an aquatic plant with it seems astonishingly low.

So I got my fucking dad laughing at me, and that’s probably fair, but nevertheless, he insists I should use “live” bait or food. “Just give me 5 minutes and a cheese ball” he keeps telling me. And I suppose if everyone in professional sports did steroids and got super artificially buff that would be cool too right? OH YAH, LOOK AT MAH MUSCLES? Moral equivalence! Food/live bait is cheating. I’m not fishing for food. There is no urgency, therefore I should be able to procure a fishy by NO OTHER MEANS than through skill/deception. I MUST fool the fish… it is the only way to achieve true honor. If the fish (surely) does not like this latest, sad offering to the gods of temptation, I’ll just come back tomorrow and try something new to fail with. Basically, this is a new low point for me as an angler. I’m not going to let another self-respecting fisherman see what I’m walking over to the water with tomorrow, and I will get to the spot under the cover of near darkness to avoid potential shame.

Ugh. Okay, all is not lost despite the troubling events of earlier. For a minute there though, I had to do a quick trip through the Torah. Locusts, frogs, burning hail, no plague of slugs. Phew. Then I was like, OH SHIT, Revelations though? Was one of the four horsemen a gastropod? FUCK! Was there anything about slugs or possibly flaming slugs (there is a lot of fire and brimstone and earth cracks and shit in there)? Again, phew. There  is no religious significance to today’s sky slug. It is not a herald of the Apocalypse, or a sign of God’s wrath upon the Egyptians (or any other -ians). Always double-check your biblical prophecies; don’t get caught flat footed when the seven headed beast shows up.

I’m coasting on a happy, riding this high to Friday, or maybe Thursday. We shall see. My optimism is astonishingly high, despite being defeated 23 – 0 by a fish. “Fuck you fish. You have nothing on me. Come at me bro!” That’s how we’re going to end this one.

Discovered Land

By that I mean personally; there are no new lands being charted. However, I do tend to start naming things in my environment once I become established. Below you will find a map of my new home and the various places I have marked and named. Explanations provided. The area, in general will be known as the Muck Trench and the surrounding foliage Muck Trench Woods.


Welcome to: Muck Trench Proper


1. The Sky Bridge: goes over the 80 and is the only way to get to the best fishing spot. Puts the fear of impending death on you every time you cross

2. Best Fishing Spot: where I stand around waving my stick in the air and catching nothing while fish laugh in my face

3. Alternate Fishing Spot: there is good mojo here, but no fish… which leads you to wonder what the fuck said mojo is really doing?

4. Long Road: this is the area where a Grass Bear would be most likely to strike, beware (distant, more aggressive relative of Sand Bear)

5. Far Outpost: possibly radioactive, possibly lost alien hardware, possibly the doom of humankind… 100% mystery

6. Sleepy Spot: never looked very comfortable, and now it’s kinda dead, and scattered about like a lion kill

7. Near Outpost: not too far from the road and the spider union has its lodgings here (SUMT local 888 [we let the Black Widows decide the numbers])

8. Popular Fishing Spot: just as mucky as the rest of the Trench but here you can park a car and take in the smells up close


My starting point is always to cut through Barandas Park to get at the paved walking trail. You must “bushwack” a few feet to get from paved road by the sky bridge to Muck Trench service road where the rest of the trail goes. This is the one I need to take *** on and see what she if she thinks it’s as exciting as I do. Lots of fuzzy animals running around, pesticide loaded scuz pit to our left… noice. Some nature better than broken solo cup and homeless guy sleeping for scenery on my walks in El Cajon.

I’m geared up for another fantastic week in my newfound home, starting with my warmline and trip to the NAMI office today. I need to tell David that I am now very actively seeking employment due to my recent acceleration of life-timetables. I want him to have first crack. I know I need to make at least as much as I was at my last job If I want to afford a 1BR around here. I’m doing a budget spreadsheet this morning in preparation for my eventual transition. Without calculation, planning and care, well-intended steps towards progress can sometimes be misplaced. So for now, we are in the stages of the process where everything gets figured out before we execute (by “we” I am referring to myself, my PM and my Architect). A lot like building something with blueprints. Look at them for a good long time and make sure that with the way it’s drawn, that it will all fit together again when they have to go out and build the thing.

I’m tired of not being the Lord of my own castle, with an Iron Throne to perch myself on and hand out edicts to my vassals (which at this point would consist of any insect or rodent that would have wandered onto the premises). I need a pit full of slaves looking sad, and another pit with slaves fighting hundreds of very angry tortoises. Ah yes, my reign will be long and prosperous. “Bring your Lord some more Saltines!”

So blog, I’m going to the office today so I get to fancycate myself and smell less like moldy elephant splatters and more like “fresh” human. Hooray! I’m starting up at 8, then heading over to the office at 10. I have a great deal of optimism for myself about the direction I have decided to go. I am still sad to see my parents self-destructing just beyond my ability to do anything about. I feel less flabbergasted today, but still resolved to seek alternative living arrangements as soon as possible. I just don’t need roommates, not even my parents, though I love them both. I need to be in my own space, by myself, in charge of what happens in the environment and secure in a self-defined kingdom of my own control. I feel this is a healthy step towards better individuation, albeit, sounding a bit like a maniacal overlord planning a takeover rather than a mentally ill person making a healthy life transition. There are more possible future outcomes that lead to happiness for me now if I move out on my own than if I were to stay in this box.

It’s already off to a good start, this week, and I eagerly await the next few days as my foot presses harder onto the gas pedal; racing forward towards the promise of better days. I’ll be checking in here through the day… so bai for now!


My Sister’s Card

See below for my truly fantastic, original, cards for people on holidays. It is a tradition of absolutely superior quality, and to have a maker’s mark of some form. In this instance, the recipient was my sister, and the occasion is Mother’s Day. On a side note, the creatures spoken of on the card are REVILED by my sister, who insists they are among the few things on this Earth she truly despises.


I HIGHLY doubt anyone knows what the Evil Eye of Orms-By-Gore is, but if you do, tell me!


Hello again. I’m cancelling today’s trip to the Murky Trench due to injury. I went from not fishing for 2+ years to fishing every day, and needless to say, something broke. I have a sort of flick-and-guide cast motion from my right side, and one of my forearm muscles utilized in this motion is ouch. Positive it’s tendonitis and it will require time to get right, as I have had this sort of thing before for different reasons (word to the wise, don’t jerk off more than 12 times in a day). The motion of turning my forearm over at the elbow as I cast is where the pain happens. Well, fish, it looks like there is a Fish Jesus after all. Lucky little fuckers. I’m coming back. Enjoy the break… while it lasts.

So, I’m going to try to walk a bit further than normal today as, though still fishing is clearly a LEISURE ACTIVITY not a SPORT, it does require stamina to do it for any length of time with a fast-retrieve bait. I cast anywhere from 35 – 65 times a morning depending on how many bugs there are. It does take a particular set of muscles to launch a spinnerbait a few dozen yards, just like it takes wrist and ass strength to drive a NASCAR round and round for hours. Also, not a sport. Golf is on the border… if they did less walking I’d say Leisure Activity but those fuckers do burn the calories.

I’m not one of those anglers who’s all serious and shit. Yeah, like when have I ever been serious about anything other than fucking up my life? I’m the misguided angler, the one too stubborn to adapt and be successful, the one who thinks his attitude of denialism will somehow lead to a fish. Hmmm, this introspective journey has led me to a corner I cannot bullshit my way out of. New paragraph!

So I’m going to need to vent from time to time out here about these Goddamn fish. All this time they’re going to their little cocktail parties and they’re discussing my tiny human brain and stupid head/face over their dry Vodka martinis. FUCK YOU GUYS. Laugh it up Fishies. Enjoy this little peak moment when you feel like you are all safe, secure and not harassed by an annoying angler. These days of quiet are numbered pally. For you and all your little swimmy friends. Soon. The Reckoning!

I feel like I should quote John’s Revelation or something, but chances are, these Bass haven’t read the New Testament and they totally wouldn’t get it. Wait, are the fish reading my blog? How would they see this? HOLY SHIT. Epiphany. Boom.

Hope you have a good morning blog. I need to sit in the shower for a while and loosen up my muscles, while also cleansing myself of all the stuck-on food, poop, pee splatter and fungus off my epidermis. Talk to you later.

Bright and Early

I got up to go pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. There were a barrage of inner-mental distractions as soon as I regained consciousness which I will need to clarify at some point down the road on the secret black curtain blog that none of you know about. Anyway, I’m starting my morning routine of waking up toad frog ass early in the morning and going fishing. I’m will be walking over there about a quarter after five and spend an hour or so on the water, then walk the .85 or .9 miles back. All before 7 am too.

I’ve really changed my Chapter 2 playlist to pretty much strictly contain songs I can sing, or lip sync with astonishing accuracy and pizazz. This is all part of the good. I’m feeling like I have my performing arts fire lit a little bit. This is fabulous timing since I’m interested in being a part of the In Your Own Voice program with NAMI (almost entirely public speaking).

I have also come up with a new and exciting way to torment my parents under the guise of being thoughtful. I came across a pad of sticky notes and my immediate thoughts were how I could abuse the medium to do much more than the meager Post-It was ever thought to be capable. This morning is a prime example of this newfound philosophical approach: I fed the cat early, while my parents were asleep, which yesterday, resulted in the cat being fed twice (it fooled my mom by being absurdly pathetic and cute). I needed a way to convey to the family that the cat food should be left alone, because the cat was already sated from a predawn feast (and is not a Hobbit, therefore, requires no Second Breakfast). I grabbed a sticky and transcribed the following message, and I’d like to see who’s pop-culture whiskers get a tingle with this one. A correct identification of the reference earns you my awe, and a little crown I made just now out of an unused tissue.

The note read:

“All these worlds are yours except:


Attempt no landing there. 
Use them together.
Use them in peace.”


I eagerly await some form of response from them, or possibly, likely, a burst of insane laughter. This is only the beginning though blog. I have dozens of these Post-Its. They are soon to be appearing in “seemingly” random places, bearing a message of some relevance in a highly cryptic or possibly indecipherable fashion. I’m not sure yet if this is all going to be part of a larger, comprehensive propaganda campaign or possibly just something that torments with answers that cannot be unpacked from the insane cookie jar they came from. Frankly though, we need all the help we can get, legit or not. WEB’s numbers are sagging in the polls and the fucking midterms are nearly upon us! We have to do something drastic.



I’m deep with stubbornness, determination and grit. These fish have lived their cushy little lives in this obscenely foul trench for long enough. Now they are dealing with a REAL foe. An enemy of incalculable persistence.

Here’s the plan:

Lucky gold/silver 1oz spinnerbait all day all the time until their willpower crumbles.

Oh, so you think that’s funny do you? I’m telling you, as an angler, I have a strategy. There are two things that determine whether or not you are going to catch a fish with an artificial lure:

A) You can deceive the fish into thinking whatever you have is food and food worth pursuing and eating at that (this takes actual skill and psychic powers)


B) Irritate the fish into destroying your annoying lure with its mouth (any buffoon can do this, if determined)


It doesn’t have to want to eat my spinnerbait, it just has to be tired enough of either seeing it or hearing it to give it reason to attack. Especially since Bass will be spawning, and big mama Bass will be feverishly protecting her eggs.


Not such a terrible plan after all? Right. I know at this point the lot of you have your doubts. I have been at it for multiple days with nigh a sniff of interest. You all have good reason to also think I’m destined for failure. One thing you may not know about me, is that I can be pretty annoying when I want to be, and tomorrow, I’m feeling rather keen to annoy some Bass, and not just for a few minutes either. So Blog, I’m resolved to punish these stubborn fishes with my super shiny and ultra noisy bait until some member of fishy trench society takes umbrage.

One of these days blog, there will be a picture up here of me with my thumb on a big fat Bass lip. Then we’ll see who’s laughing then, Chubs.

Career Starts… NOW! THE YAY!

I have my volunteer placement interview with NAMI Sacramento on Saturday, and I’m just so excited! I can’t wait to have a job again, and to have a place to go where I make a difference. I’m telling you, from my heart, that having a job is a great way to kick start functionality. If you can convince yourself that pride is important to you, than anything is possible. Wouldn’t you rather be proud than ashamed all the time? Seems like a no-brainer to me… but then again, my brain isn’t the best judge of anything.

So I have already submitted my name as a NAMI Walk volunteer here coming up at the beginning of next month! I have my hours, seemingly, locked in. It will be the doing of the work that I am most looking forward to. I have even offered my skills in getting things down from high places, or lifting heavy things and carrying them a short distance.

I will be happy once my hours are done and I am settling in to a role as a PSS or some such. I think I have a lot to offer with my experiences and my language. I have such an interesting way of spinning the world. Typically, I have something smart assed to say about whatever it is that you have brought to me today. It is my scientific speciality, the poking of you in the eye.


In a nice way though. My humor is always so well-meaning, and usually exploiting a straw man of some kind. My typical humorous paper-cut-out targets are Bears (seriously, fuck Bears), Newt Gingrich, Earthquakes and Russia. If one of them isn’t to blame for whatever is happening, it truly is the end of days, and also, I have no joke to offer you either.


Thanks for reading, see you later!

12/12 And Bonus Nerd Content!

Hello! It’s my night off! Hooray!

I went over to see my mom and dad, and we watched A Christmas Story (1983) and it’s by far the best version of that film. Truly intelligent satire on a time of our evolving American family. So it was my request and I just had to see it. I had Scott Farkus stuck in my head for some reason.

Anyway, I’m listening to The Nutcracker (composed by Andre Previn and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra) and relaxing. I just had a splendid game against the AI, but I will get to that shortly. We had salmon for dinner and a salad, and boy was it yummy. Then my mom brought out the peanut-butter fudge, and holy shit, is that some goodness. Made with peanut butter, but still rich and chocolatey like fudge should be. I was not silly and had a mere two chunks, but I could have had more blog, there was a whole jar of it sitting right there. Sigh. It just doesn’t even sound good to scarf on it, it’s like liquid nitrogen that shit. Only in small doses can I handle thee, for the sake of this sadly out of shape body I must. And my mom was suckering me in to indulging by eating a shitload of cookies this weekend. I’m going to have to seriously bust my ass if I’m ever going to gain any ground this winter. I feel like it’s appropriate to insulate the body against harmfully cold weather, but I live in Southern California, so I have no reason to be bulky. Maybe in some colder climate it would be acceptable… winter here is almost always a laughably mild event, with perhaps 3 inches of total precipitation, more in the mountains. It might be more, I haven’t fact checked, and I just gave it a google and nothing conclusive came up. But whatever, my point is, I need to continue to push myself every morning to be active until I become exhausted and my muscles are “done.” I intend to increase the amount of this as I progress through the slow trudge out of the pit of obesity. And Christmas could easily equal my doom if I am not SUPER CAUTIOUS. Remember, I take lithium, and I will grab on to every single carbohydrate that comes into my body and somehow turn it into fat. I live a primarily sedentary life, spending 8 hours a day in a small office chair sitting answering the phone. So I’ve got to! Right?


Mood wise I’m doing great. I have a day of catching up on my chores and watching football sporadically. Hopefully the Chargers don’t get annihilated tomorrow night. I don’t know how that one is going to go down. But the Niners have nothing to play for. Thanks for all of your positive comments lately, they have been super helpful and complementary as well. I pride myself in my coherency, despite huge handicaps. I appreciate you guys.



The Aztecs on Large Carolina (Age Of Empires III – Game Notes)

Tonight, I was hell bent on slaughtering someone. So I blasted the French away with my trump card, the shiny, beautiful, deadly, Aztecs. I Had the lead right from the get go, as I got a fire pit and warrior priest on production speed immediately. It never let up. There were three trade posts, two native settlements (One Cherokee, the other Seminole), and lots and lots of trees. I had the center early with just a few coyote runners and puma spearmen. Nothing major. But About half way into age 3 I lost my entire standing army in the center, and my trading post there was destroyed. I quickly switched my fire pit from xp back to unit production rate and had a standing army again in no time.


I ended up with a ton of villagers, had 30 on coin for most of the second half of the game (plantations). I saw their army sneak around behind my houses, where they began razing buildings. They tried, anyway. I didn’t lose another building the rest of the game after surrendering that trading post in the center. I rallied, took it back, and then began sending units there in waves. By age 4 I had farms and plantations-a-plenty. I had 25 just hacking trees because the unit upgrade requirements for the units are all wood, and lots of it. I had just WAY too many good units by the time I marched. I had the fire pit with 20 dancers producing just skill nights every 12 seconds or so. I had a sum of them ready at hand when it came to burning down the perimeter defenses. They had a fort, which I demolished rapidly with the first wave (which I was not at all expecting, thinking that I had WAY too few units to bring down a fort…). Next I brought the jaguar prowl knights, and they obliterated artillery and standing units. They leaned on falconets early, but those fast jaguar prowl knights just burn those units down, and their fire rate is every few seconds, whereas the knight has hit you three or more times already. It’s not reasonable to expect the artillery to survive in those conditions, and they did not. This was their downfall, because they had completely run out of standing infantry, and were down to the structures with me keeping them from gathering resources to fend off the attackers. Skull nights have an area attack, which damages multiple units with one swing, and I just think they might be the best infantry unit in this game. They’re really ahrd to stop, like and AOE cavalry unit that doesn’t move as fast as a cavalry unit. Just thinking out loud here. I had gobs of units sacking the ciy, but ended up with more prowl knights than anything else. He was down to the last few coureur des bois as they emptied from the down center in the fall of the capital. They had no chance… death ensued. Victory.

FINAL SCORE 2 (34:50 gametime)

Egregious (Aztecs) = 912

French = 171



Food: 33466
Wood: 25853
Coin: 23970

Food: 11194
Wood: 24724
Coin: 18302


Units: 315 (79 Jaguar Prowl Knights)Enemy Units: 172
Units Killed: 231
Units Lost: 192
FINAL SCORE (39:49 gametime)

Egregious (Aztecs) = 846

Ottomans = 240



Food: 29495
Wood: 23436
Coin: 19714

Food: 7050
Wood: 28947
Coin: 13916


Units: 327 (64 Jaguar Prowl Knights)
Enemy Units: 143
Units Killed: 206
Units Lost: 99

The Portuguese On Large Saguenay (Age Of Empires III – Game Notes)

I decided to play a game tonight and I’m glad I did. It was a basic tutorial on effective countering. The AI made armies comprised of units that I had a response to. Every time. Allow me to elaborate…

The AI was the Chinese and for army composition they amassed chu-ko-nu archers and mortars and that firework rocket artillery thing. They had a mix of those units, and just dialed up the quantity. I had only to build units which put a stop to those three.

I was not the initiator, my troops were holding ground when they were engaged. The attacks started late age 2 and continued in regular six minute intervals. They brought some cavalry later (maybe 20:00 in), but not with any support; about six in a single grouping.

I had an ever increasing sum of units at the choke point, coming out of two barracks, a command post, and a siege building. Nothing ever got through them. I divided my infantry into two groups, melee and ranged, and had a ratio of 1:3 respectively. The ranged were musketeers and cassadors. The melee was halberdiers and crossbowmen (who, in truth, I was using as meat-shields for the ranged units). This worked surprisingly well on everything they ran into. I began adding culverins and upgraded grenadiers later on, and that was the frosting on the cake.

When I went on the offensive, I was surprised that The AI had villagers gathering wood on the forest nearest to the battle line. I can’t think of an easier way to lose a bunch of villagers. Why he should not have been gathering out there that late in the game is clearly something only a human would understand. You can’t teach the computer to gather on the fringes from the start and work your way in as the ages go by. By the 4th age, he should have been down to farms and plantations, or rice paddies in his case. Whatever.

That example is a microcosm of the mistakes the AI made. I flanked his villagers and 6 buildings in to demolishing his base, he surrendered. I’ve had a European AI go down to the last few unit producing buildings and four villagers before giving up. But I guess he knew what was coming. I had six or more culverins making short work of opposing artillery and standing infantry units (who, as it turns out, don’t like being hit by a cannonball).

The final score:
The Portuguese (Egregious) = 825
The Chinese (AI) = 209

My collected resources in 38:37 of game time:
Food = 26064 (beat AI by about 10000)
Wood = 24191 (beat AI by only 1000)
Coin = 21949 (beat AI by about 7000)

My military stats:
Unit count = 221 (68 cassadors)
Units killed = 236
Units lost = 90

That map eliminates any sort of northern approach because of the body of water between the bases. I set up at the trough of the lake and started mustering units there. I grabbed the southern second trading post between the bases and he never challenged me down there. I had 7 halberdiers garrisoned; he would have crushed them. But like I said.

So a good game because I managed to hold the score 90% of the game. He had me momentarily between age 1 and 2. But once I had it I never let go until 825. So the Portuguese are just phenomenal at range. They have a full set of special armory improvements and three easily available ranged units, which includes a mercenary. They combined to kill most any unit with four or five of them in individual targets. Their DPS was fantastic. I wish the game kept track of that kinda shit.

I’ll try this faction again and hopefully draw a European civ.

Venom’s Diary

Entry 104, Act I: The Rogue’s Encampment, Sanctuary

Is there no end to this madness? I recall that but a few short days ago, I vanquished the demon lord Baal on the floor of the Worldstone chamber, only to find myself here, back where it all began, with Andariel. She who I mercilessly slaughtered in what seems like a lifetime ago. Now, I’m returned unceremoniously to the Rogue’s Encampment with Akara acting as though she had never met me. And Warriv saying “greetings stranger” to me as I walked near the bonfire. Is this some form of new devilry? My first thought was that this was a trick of time, and that I had been cast backward in history… but I have come to find that lands I crossed as a fledgling hero are now full with evil, and on par with my evolved strength. These minions would have destroyed me if I had met them before, but now they fight anew with enhanced vigor and fortitude. I can’t explain how all the days and weeks of labor I poured into cleansing this land of the shadow of the three can suddenly be undone. I am back. And Andariel is my foe once more, and THAT is my reality; some form of living nightmare to which I am bound.

Regardless, evil stands before me once more. I can rise to fight, or I can die, along with everyone who calls Sanctuary their home. I can’t let that happen. If I must do it again, I will.

My companion Tylena, a Rogue archer, has come with me into this madness, and somehow all the world has forgotten us. Yet she still wears the runeword armor I crafted for her, and still carries The Breath Of The Dying, which I inscribed on her longbow for her, just before we were to face Baal. She and I will stand beside the archangel Tyriel once more, but we must earn our way there… all over again.

I am unsure what new challenges we may face, but upon coming here, I felt my strength lessen, as I am hurt quickly my magic and elemental attacks, much as I was when my hero’s quest began. It would seem there is no end to this punishment, and evil is strong in Sanctuary once more. But not for long. Even as I write, Deckard Cain sits by the fire, having been freed (again) from Tristram. When I try to explain that this has happened before, he becomes cross with me and demands I focus on Andariel. I had hoped he, in his wisdom, would have an answer.

I must go on. There is no return to Horaggath for celebration. No Mala to cheer for the demise of Baal. Nothing but a world once more replete with evil. And Tylena and I must face it together, again.

Paleolithic Shorelines

I feel like a dry lake sometimes. At this point you’re going: “I’m sorry, what?”

You see, I have been full of life, people, places, generally speaking. I have had different lives, in various cities, with varieties of relationships and love. Every time though, I lost it, and the water receded, and my smaller life took on a new shape, and had different edges than before. But my lake has slowly been running dry. And everywhere I look, I see where all my water used to be, the old shape it once had still etched in the land. I’m reminded of how full it used to be. How deep my waters ran. But this metaphor is an illusion.

Maybe now you’re not saying “I’m sorry… what?” But instead: “ok, so what does this have to do with anything?”

I’m always looking for a new way to articulate my experiences. And I live in the shadow of my past, which I have not forgotten, because reminders of it are everywhere. But now, in this outstanding direction, I’ve revitalized my lake and filled it right back to capacity, burying all the memories of shapes it once had below the surface forever. I don’t live haunted by my failed lives. They are subject to erosion, not preservation. I am still with that past, but I vow never to let my life take a shape that is less than what I deserve. Now you might be going: “I still think the post about the muffin metaphor was better.”


On a note vastly different from the last post, I turn 31 tomorrow. Or, in a little over 5 hours. I really like being in my thirties. I am of the somewhat insane belief that no one takes you seriously in your twenties. Might as well have stayed a teenager for all the respect my age managed to garner. So an unceremonious transition to 30 a year ago tomorrow was nice, but now I’m officially not a “new arrival” to the 30 plateau. I’ve taken up residence and fully intend to stay frankly, I’d like to be turning 40. There’s no fucking around with a 40 year old. You mean business at forty. And at fifty you might as well fall over and die because it’s all downhill from there. It has been my intention to live, even though I have endangered my own life on multiple occasions. I’m not of sound mind and body at times. And like I mentioned before, deteriorating relationships have been the primary cause of my past suicide attempts. I gamble big on the success of my relationships, and when they fail, I feel like my life is over. So, maybe it’s time to go solo for a good long while. Hopefully.

Blog, you just turned 2 about six days ago. I don’t take you very seriously. You have a long way to go before you figure out what the fuck is going on around you. It’s all puppies and rose petals in your inexperience. Me, on the other hand, a formidable veteran of the psychic wars, first mate on the starship whatthefuckjusthappened. I’m going to let you off with a warming this time, but if I catch you alone in the carpool lane again I’m writing you a ticket.

Happy birthday eve!

It’s Friday!

Hey, my work week has just ended! Hooray! I deserve some time off, for sure, with how hard I work. Today was a game changing day for me. I finally had enough of the profanity, youtube videos of carnage and gore, and constant violation of company policy and took my complaints to Mike. Naturally Mike was alarmed, and took it to Dave, who then wanted to have a meeting with me. So they pulled me aside and asked me what the hell was going on, and I was totally frank and honest. I can’t stand the way Dominique says “Motherfuck this” and “motherfuck that” every few seconds, and how Kevin will ignore a call, let it go abandoned, go red cup in Zeacom autologing him for ignoring a call, and then putting himself on Order Entry so he can’t take a call. Then he’ll get up and go talk with someone about some game they play where they shoot people a lot. And he talks about how great he is all the time, like it’s something he thinks he can convince me of. Like HE is getting over on all of us because he thinks he’s getting away with it. Well, he’s not getting away with anything, nor will I be a complacent enabler of dreadful behavior. Eliminate him. He’s fucking useless, and is SCAMMING my company by not working for them, putting in as little effort as possible, and making MY job harder. And he thinks he’s just so fucking good. Like Kevin is the authority on ANYTHING? So, Dave had no idea the youtube shit was going on. I’m fucking terrified that I’m going to be on the phone with a customer and someone will motherfuck a little to loud, like he always gets, and I’ll have an escalated call in 1 millisecond. And it looks bad on us. SO BAD. TO be represented by that level of stupidity is a blemish that does more damage than most, because it is rapidly distributed through word of mouth, and a bad reputation is a terrible thing to lose. So, I’m not putting up with that shit. They fucking move me all the way across the room today, right next to Ryan, Oscar and Reggie of which there are two. One in front of me, one on my diagonal.  Oscar has a big personality. I think we’re going to get along really well. I was already speaking Spanish with him earlier. That took him a bit by surprise, I think. Amazingly, a game-changing variety of day. It’s unacceptable to tolerate delinquency; ineptitude is not rewarded with consistent pay. I hope I am the hammer of fucking justice on them. And Stephanie is gone, thank the Jesus. It’s going to be desolate in the lower half of the room, and Dave doesn’t want to fire people, he said, he wants to help them quit if they don’t like what they’re doing. I think these people can perform the basic function, but are they decent? Are they respect-worthy? I’m a sensation on the phone, charming, hilarious, confident. It’s fucking comedy hour over here. I’m damn good at what I do, and I sure know it. And frankly, so must the customers I interact with, because I know what the hell I’m doing and I get shit done, without mistakes. It’s a good day today, because I am earning the respect of the right people, in the right places, where I am already very valued, and clearly the very first employee they will hire on to Mood Media. I imagine there will be some sort of pay increase, though I know not how much. I’d be shocked if they kept me at the same rate. I need to live fellas. I don’t know what’s coming, but I’d be surprised, truly, if I ended up in a pickle. I think good, excellent and bodacious things are headed my way. And I’m already earning “Mike’s favorite” status. Which is a thing I like. Good Friday blog peoples, I hope you go forth and have fun tonight, as I will be trying my hardest to enjoy every vibrant moment on cloud 9. See you later.

A Really Positive Thing!

I’m having a really fantastic conversation with a stunningly beautiful woman right now. It’s been really open, straightforward, and honest. I’m not at all inhibited, as we pretty much are going through the exact same life event – a start from zero in life. I’m so stunned that I’m even talking to this wonderful person, boy, and I mean WONDERFUL. I just feel like we already have so many things in common. I bet I could play the song lyrics game with her that I play with Mike at work. Did I mention that things at work are going really well there also? Yes? I’m on Google Chat with Mike sending him song lyrics, and awaiting his reply of the next line. So far, I’ve only nabbed him on one, but that will change when I get into knowing what music he listens to. So far though, WE have a lot in common. Hence my arrival on the late shift. He wants to hang with me! I feel like, because I found my confidence, that people are coming to me in the universe and realizing I shine brightly, and I want to spread warmth to all the moth-people who come to see me. La la la la!


Ok really though. I have pride, confidence, and I have begun to establish my life over again, and that’s fucking rad. I hung out with the boys tonight too at Wing Stop like I said I was gonna. And I did, and we cracked jokes, and had a laugh about this and that, and all the weird shit we go through on the phones. We have to have a sense of humor about it, right? Or else, I bet you’re going to fucking hate your job. I’m elated though guys! I’ve met someone really neat, and she seems at least willing to listen to my arbitrary story that is so much liker hers it’s freaky-weird. I really like talking with her. Boy is it refreshing to be just straight dope with someone. I bet we have no tolerance for ze bullshit. She’s clean of thought, concise with her words, intelligent! Very bright, and an ideas thinker-type.  I can tell she has the curiosity, and she has it good. That’s just so unbelievably attractive. I mean, a smart CURIOUS girl? No, seriously, sit down.


I don’t know what to say blog. I told her I am mentally ill, and I told her about Jax and the whole sad little way it went down. Hopefully I am not immediately rejected like I have been in the past. But blog, I want you to know, that no matter what happens at this point, my faith in chance and finding the right sort of person  is possible, and achievable, and even these steps of measured success, I have a restored belief that if not now, eventually. That I will not have to be alone anymore; that my feelings of emptiness and solitude might have a chance to be recognized and appreciated, and a little fire may start in me again like it did such a long time ago. I have hope again blog! And I’m happy to have come as fat as I have with her, because I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, and it was on my mind while I went to work all day and kicked ass. I tried my best to touch base with her through the day, it’s been really charming and fun. I don’t know what else to say, it’s Friday night and I intend to hang around and have fun with my night. FUCK YES WEEKEND BITCHES!

Stale Flavorings

I’m not the kind to complain, really. I’m only ever alarmed when things are disproportionately wrong, like today at work when Kevin just ignored 2 calls and let someone else deal with the customer, because he was busy talking about headshots. It’s a known fact that retarded behavior is not tolerated. And this looks like a turd smudge on the face of the company. These are the sort that are directly interfacing with customers, which is good, if you know what you’re doing. If you don’t, there will be problems. I’m certain of that.

What I like to do, is when I get on the phone with a drive thru troubleshooting call, I like to imagine myself in a greasy fast food kitchen, looking for this absurd piece of vital equipment, where to find it, what size, shape and color it is, what it might also look like… you get the picture. I then tell them exactly what to do with it, and how to make a malfunctioning electronic device work again, in mere moments. It’s a satisfactory turnaround, with immediate payoffs in satisfied people who are (now) not wondering why they have a monthly subscription. Now they’re saying: hey, I’m sure glad we have that service. They just fixed my problem!

Sweet. So I get that when you do this job right, it can be totally rewarding, not frustrating, but simple. And it’s repetitive, as the same types of equipment fall victim to the same EXACT problem, because they’re all exposed to identical conditions. It’s easy to save the day when you know what you’re doing. Right? This should all make some sense, I’m not the exception.

I, rather, fall in a range with some good, hard working folk who have a mutual respect for what I do. To date, I have not had any kickback, no reprimand or castigation, rather, they prefer to point out procedural mistakes and imply that they be avoided. At least, I presume to learn something from these “coaching” emails. Of the 2 I’ve ever seen in my time at the company. Meanwhile, everyone around me is eating the poop and dying. I hear horror stories about kickabck from other departments, or orders gone wrong, resulting in a failure of service. If we promise that we’re going to do something, we sure as hell should do that thing we said. I hope this isn’t like, shocking. Everyone aught have enough moral presence to observe some essential behaviors. Application of effort, comprehension and learning, adaptability and progressive thinking. Aren’t these kind of important if you want to go far in the world? The exception to this rule are people who violate morality, like criminals, degenerates or other lesser beings. If you want to exploit your way to a living I do not endorse you. I would condone no such action.

I’ve been thinking a lot, because I find that we don’t really need all the people we have. There are too many, too much dead time, where not a single call is coming in, and everyone thinks it’s super great to meander around and barf about this and that. I have had the good fortune to get a chance to talk NFL with Joseph, who knows a lot about fantasy football as well. It’s been nice to be able to drop names like Bernard Pierce, John Kitna, Harry Douglas… we have a deeper than average understanding of the National Football League. Is John Kitna even in the NFL anymore?

There was no real point to any of that, other than to say that dead time means people come flock over to my desk and check out what I’m doing, or strike up conversation with me, or SIT on my desk and hang out. I mean really, I don’t ever have to go anywhere, the party comes to me every day. It’s TGIF at Westin’s desk! Bitches!

So I was tossing back song lyrics on Google Chat with Mike today, and I stumped him twice, once with The Moody Blues’ The Voice and then later with Gerry Rafferty’s Waiting For The Day. I’m a music stud. Seriously. Get the fuck out the way, I got you.

Well blog, I’m going to toodle around the internet for a while and then call it a night. It’s been fun catching up with you after a very stimulating day. I really appreciate you always being here for me, whether it’s good or bad, you always listen. And I’m thankful for that.


For Tau!

After enough time conducting various experiments with my build order, I’ve gleaned a few important pointers as it pertains to playing Ultimate Apocalypse. First, there is no reason to pick a shitty map to have your war on. Pick a decent map, and I’ve done the legwork for you and given you a short list of the best dueling maps to play on in the game, bar none.

Emerald River          [513] (ER)
Faceoff                       [257] (Fo)
Fallen City                 [257] (FC)
Frostbite River         [257] (FbR)
Haine’s Demise [257] (HD)
Meeting of Minds    [257] (MoM)
Moonbase                 [257] (Mb)
Titan’s Fall                [257] (TF)
Volatile Ground       [257] (VG)

Use one of these maps, only. The other maps lack those nifty slag deposits (save Moonbase) and are generally not very fun to play on. I’ve used only these maps and I get an entertaining game on each one except Volatile Ground, where I always win. I can go to any of these battlefields and not lose with Tau any time I want. I think I’m going to win a lot of my multiplayer games at first, until someone in my friend circle gets a respectable build order together. If I can beat the Harder AI every time, on each one of these maps, then I think human players will have a similarly difficult time in unseating me. I mean, anyone can beat me, if you’re faster than I am. And I’m pretty fast. I’m teching to tier 1 within the first minute of the game, and tier 2 under 5 minutes in. Dark Eldar and Orks pose the largest threat to me, because their tier 0 and tier 1 stuff is buff and hard to stop early on. When rushed at 4 minutes by either of these AIs, I let them destroy nearly a quarter of my stuff before I can dispense of the invaders with a Barracuda or two. They have no answer at tier 1 to the Barracuda. It just makes them die, and then they leave my base and I can continue on the righteous path towards total map domination.

Tau are slow, compared to some of the other races. I know they’re slow because both Dark Eldar and Orks have a sizable force in my base moments after the 4 minute mark rolls by. They can get me with Hellions, my whole base, actually, and little else but Jetbikes and Mandrakes. It’s a sad way to die, but I will get my shit handed to me by either of those opponents if I’m playing ANYONE ELSE but Tau. I will survive with Tau. I can’t survive as Tyranids, because they have no counter at all to Hellions. Even Hormagaunts at level 3 have no chance. Mandrakes feast on them.

I’ve left commentary on Tyranids’ lack of an effective counter for rush units, and hopefully I get an intelligible reply. I don’t have my hopes up, but nevertheless, I’d like to see Tyranids  with a bit more power so they can actually get to the point of deploying powerful units. They die too soon because Spore Chimneys are not defensible after upgrades and their fixed turrets are crap. Noted.

Bucket Plunkers

The apparatus of my strategy game brain is somewhat tired. I’ve been out teched by Chaos and swarmed under by Orks and Dark Eldar. I can’t handle any of them with Tyranids… I’m just not fucking fast enough to get enough things out there to meet their things at the fucking 4 minute mark EVERY TIME! Goddamnit I’m never going to play that way! I can’t do 4 minutes. I need more fucking time dude. You HAVE to give me enough time to get going, otherwise, what the fuck are we doing? I’m not having fun, that’s for sure. I think this comes down to a balance issue. There’s no intermediate unit worth building before tier 3 that has a slight chance of survival. Warriors, once upgraded, are fast and have good dps. But they last for about 1 minute and then they’re all dead. All 12 or however many of them there are. Same story with fully upgraded Genestealers. They get annihilated by ANYTHING they try to fight. I think this is not good. I’ve had to RUSH to get to Zoeanthropes and full Carnifexes with all their technologies researched. But if I’m being harassed at 4 minutes, I have to divert my economy’s resources to defending off the attackers, who will run willy-nilly through my base, stop, and grind on my resource building s until they are destroyed. This is fucking stupid. I’ve tried holding them off with Hormagaunts, and they just use a ton of resources reenforcing up to 20 members. It is crippling my economy, which maybe I can resolve by somehow ignoring my base slowly being consumed and boost my economy upgrades regardless. Seems like a really dumb way to win. I’m hoping YOU guys have a better idea. I’m stuck.


I was an active participant in group today, which is great, refreshing and rewarding. I was trying to explain my mindful processes to them, and how I now process my feelings in a way I never had. It’s pretty novel, and clearly not just an idea I came up with. Your credit being due to Marsha Linehan for having all the details of mindfulness all sorted out. It’s been really revolutionary, and the more I find myself sharing my success with others, the more little light-bulbs go on all around me. Today, one of the group members just looked at me and said “wow, you should lead the group.” I take that as a compliment, not a suggestion. But it’s my personality coming back and I’m seeing the proof of its return. People had nothing but positive stuff to say to me today, and even though I came out of group to find I had a flat tire, I nevertheless had a fantastic, exercise packed kinda day. And it’s a step forward, like the many I have taken before this one, and like the many I will take in days to come.

I feel pride in myself again, and not the guilty indulgence of delusion, but an actual strength that builds on my conscience, my morality. I have a morally clean slate, because I don’t “get off” by doing evil things to others. I can be mean, yes, and perhaps deservedly so. But does that make my soul unclean? If you know what I mean? I don’t kill, steal, cheat, and victimize others. And that kinda stuff. I think I might be too stupid to be a good liar. I’d just forget what I had lied about anyway.

I think things are going super. I mean, given the circumstances. It’s not hell anymore. It WAS though. I can’t tell you how hard it’s been to regroup from what happened to my life. I don’t pretend to be the victim, but mostly, I did get screwed out of that life, a life that I was not prepared to lose in the way that I did. You readers know me, and know how hard it is to learn from one’s mistakes, and embrace them to grow with them. I have done this, and wholly examined my failings, and conducted the change needed to restore functionality. And boy, there’s still quite a bit of work to do. I don’t pretend to have it figured out; I’m learning, just like most of you. It’s not so easy as it may seem, but things of value are never ever easy to get a hold of. Work for your freedom. Earn the right to be independent. There’s nothing wrong with any of that.

In some way, I still admire Jax for going out there and staying afloat. I didn’t think she’d make it, but she has. And who knows, maybe she will. It’s of no consequence to me. But do I respect her? No, not at all. She’s made some ridiculously bad decisions, and seems to only want to defend herself as to why she did. I mean, you read her comment, right? I don’t admire her for THAT.

But seriously folks. I’m glad for the continued steady climb of progress. I’m getting exercise nearly every day, and it takes a lot out of me, which feels good. It’s fun to be exhausted! I feel relevant. In a sweaty kind of way.





I’ve decided not. Rather, the Tyranids change directions after this initial “rush / zerg” phase is over. Mainly, Hormagaunts can win you the early part of the game, but will never destroy a base. I’ve tried. What works, is revving up technological advances to achieve some of the highest tier units the Tyranids can recruit. Like my buddy Trygon down there. Flying in to deliver the final blow is a fully upgraded Hive Tyrant as well.


This was the final screen for Imperial Guard, who had been utterly shut down by the Zoanthropes, losing all their advanced tanks and infantry to them. Which were built in large number, clearly by the screencap with all 600 of them waiting in the background. Biovores came in handy for culling the first few infantry outbursts from IG while I was getting the technology for tier 3 upgraded. Once the Zoanthropes got out there, and the Carnifexes were piling up, I had things wrapped up. Those are not Screamer-Killers down there, those are real full Carnifexes. And they’re set to destroy structures, which IG was not happy about. But it was over fast once the purge had wiped out all their perimeter defenses.

Trygon or two come to be useful meats, because they take a ton of punishment (of all forms) and seem to do well in absorbing most of it. They die, but it sure does take a while. And if you’ve built a Tunnel Warrens then you are deep into Tyranids and don’t have much more upward expansion left before hiutting the top. You need to have victory with the tier 3 and 4 stuff, if at all. If outgunned here, which I have been before by Dark Eldar, then you’re fucking doomed.

I timed this game just under 1/2 an hour. Yikes. What happened to Zerg? What happened to “the hive must grow?” These are myths when such Hydraliskian brethren like the Zoanthrope hang around waiting to be teched up to. I will run more games this way, not putting a killing blow until tier 3. We’ll see how that goes.


Shape Of My Spade

I’ve had an itch to play Bridge again, which has to be my all time favorite card game. I think it’s oodles of fun. The sneakatude and absolute attention to which cards have been played. I just love it. I have 2 iPhone apps called Spades+ and Hearts+ which I have been really happy with. I’ve been playing at night before bed. I hooked Tony’s wife Dawna into playing with me as well. I’m really shitty at Hearts for some reason. I always get stuck with the lead in a suit no one else has. It’s fucked. I was playing this afternoon for the “beat your opponents by 50 or more,” and I had the thing locked up… then back to back rounds of 25 and 24. Ouch.

I now have Hoyle Cards 2011 on my computer, and just finished setting up my avatar. ProfileRight?


So I can play Bridge now, and I gave myself all the neato players to play with. Marvin is a Tyrannosaurus. Roswell is an alien. and there’s a bear as well. It’s all good fun.

Mainly, I want to get back to figuring out a decent bidding language, like the kind needed to do well at Bridge at all. My partner is usually Roswell, so I’m not positive about how that personality bids. I am going to go hunt down a Bridge tutorial on bidding as well, just to have the information handy, and to see if the computer follows that sort of language as well. It would be nice to give the computer partner information based on my initial bid. If any.

I’m going to be able to fire up a game of Cribbage, Hearts or Spades at any time. And since I have the self-installing .iso, theoretically anyone could multiplay with me. I should install it on my Dad’s laptop, just in case I get someone over there who wants to play cards.

Did I mention I fucking love cards? I do. Is it obvious?


Ultimate Apocalypse Build Order (Tyranids) [REVISED]

I went back to 1.73 and things with the Tyranids have become unclear again. I’m back to a sort of temporary mediocrity and misuse of the army altogether. I never have enough Reclamation Pools to get much Hivemind abilities out. I get mired in tier 2 and can’t win there consistently. The Hormagaunt and Genestealer swarm that worked in the fan patch does not work here at all. It is countered, FAST, before any real damage is done. I’ve been able to use that swarm to kill off all the infantry, and then lose the swarm to fixed defenses. Especially rockets. This might just be a universal truth. When it comes to the Tyranids, explosions are effective against bare flesh. Makes sense to me.

Phase 1 – Establish The Colony (0:00 – 2:00)

Builder set to reenforce to full squad size, and build either barracks (it reenforces for free, so why not?)
HQ: recruit another builder to build whichever barracks didn’t get built in the previous step
Hivemind: 2x Genestealers, each set to cap 1/2 the forward portion of the map, nearest first

Once the builders get done doing their thing, you will have some dead-time here where your Rippers are waiting for the Genestealers to cap the points so they can build Spore Chimneys on them. Do this until you have 5 or so points captured and SC’s built

HQ: research tier 1 as soon as either Brood Hive or Gaunt Hive are built

Phase 2 – Preparing The Swarm (2:30 – 4:00)

I will typically be capping and building Spore Chimneys into this phase. Once tier 1 is done, you can go find a slag pit if you have one, and harvest the huge requisition bonus they give. I make these a priority if they happen to be around. If not, start into upgrading every Chimney one time
Once all the upgrades are done, recruit both command units, and build 2x Warrior squads, fully reenforce, buy claws for all
Buy the first increased economic intake technology
Build Carnifex barracks
Upgrade Gaunts and Genestealers as much as can be done at this tier. Don’t bother with the Litcors.

Build all 6 Reclamation Pools.
Upgrade to tier 2 (680 Requisition)

As a note: by the time this is happening, you can hit 680R in a few seconds because you’re intake will be pretty insane. Like over +200 by the time you’re headed to tier 2. That might be less if you didn’t get a slag pit on your map.


Phase 3 – Control The Middle (5:00 – 11:00)

Here is where it gets murky. Basing armies of Hormagaunts is a mistake, because they are obliterated by any form of stationary defense. They have HUGE 20 unit squads, and you’d be surprised how fast they go. They are good at handling early infantry, but don’t ever get Hormagaunts in a base until all the defenses are down. You can use the Hivemind to drop them in as needed. Base your armies on Warriors, in full reenforced state, can be devastating. They do well with most anything, but don’t have a lot of resilience, and will, again, go bye bye to the fixed defenses or ranged units. I don’t really have a ranged angle with Tyranids right now. I’m trying to win in tier 2, and not have to go any farther, because I will die if we go deep into games. My best stuff can’t hold up against tier 3. No way, and I’ve seen them die. Chaos out teched me, and overloaded my base with tier 3 stuff I couldn’t kill. I was attempting to get my economy rolling, and start cranking on Screamer-Killers and get the command units up to level 8. But it seems you have to choose one or the other. My best economy can’t handle both of those things. The primary goal here is that you stay alive, and keep your (few) structures and Spore Chimneys from being destroyed. If your economy stabilizes after leveling the command units, you can get researching tier 3.


Phase 4 – Push Them Back (11:00 – 25:00)

To have control of the middle is key to establishing a fighting-front of your army. I typically meatshield Spinegaunts and Hormagaunts, and back them up with command units, Zoeanthropes and Biovores. These “heavy weapons” can turn the tides of the engagement. Biovores are SUPER inaccurate, but with 4 -5 squads of 3, they pepper the land with artillery shot and pulverize infantry. The Zoeanthropes will help you cut down on things eating your Biovores and preventing your forward advance. The heavy units will win you the engagement, and keep the battlefield soundly within your ownership. Push them back to their base, and make your priority anything that fires an explosive projectile. Kill those fast.

I leave this area up to your experimentation, and would be only to happy to take a suggestion on how to run the Tyranids for longer. I’m doomed by this time, or, I won. It’s never a gray area. I live or die by the knife-edge of chance. Not a very compelling build order, I know. But it’s what I’ve got since returning to nerfed 1.73 Tyranids. Whatever they did in the fan patch is fucked. They ruined Tyranids for me. Just not the same…

4 By 20

Not what you think. Seriously.

Now, it’s just math. 20 4 minute tracks make 1 perfect 80 minute CD. So I figured, “how many could there be?” and then I had 50 of them to sort through. Needless to say, this is pretty oddball. And no storyline here, just broken, fractured references and beats all mish-mashed together in a trianwerck mess. It’s butcheringly bad to listen to. It is so bad, I made up that word “butcheringly” to describe it. Damn. I’ll give it credit for having so much modern flair. Bravo.

  1. Moon Over Bourbon Street – Sting
  2. Carolina In My Mind – James Taylor
  3. Your Song – Elton John
  4. Skating Away (On The Thin Ice Of A New Day) – Jethro Tull
  5. Trouble Child – Joni Mitchell
  6. I’m Losing You – John Lennon
  7. I’m So Glad – Cream
  8. Follow You Follow Me – Genesis
  9. Borderline – Madonna
  10. Turn To Stone – Joe Walsh
  11. Got Me Under Pressure – ZZ Top
  12. Stone Blue – Foghat
  13. All Over You – Live
  14. Don’t Tread On Me – Metallica
  15. Time Bomb – Godsmack
  16. Starlight – Muse
  17. Driven Out – The Fixx
  18. Bathwater – No Doubt
  19. You Learn – Alanis Morissette
  20. Caribbean Blue – Enya

Playlist: The Imprefect “80”

In my quest to find the most arbitrary conglomeration of songs in the history of ever, I’ve come up with a nerdy way to ensure a truly random assortment. I did some math, and if you want 18 tracks to equal exactly 80 minutes, they need to be 4 minutes and 26 seconds long each. It’s close, but not perfect. This is easily the WORST collection of tracks I’ve ever seen assembled. The music makes no sense. There is no flow whatsoever. These songs couldn’t be any more off-base. But I did it, I’m listening to it as my laundry dries. I’m wholly disappointed, and I’m only 3 tracks in. Sigh. Why do I do this?

  1. Locomotive Breath – Jethro Tull
  2. House Made Of Dawn Light – Douglas Spotted Eagle
  3. Signs Of Life – Pink Floyd
  4. Amazing – George Michael
  5. Sweet Love – Anita Baker
  6. Forever – Kenny Loggins
  7. World Turning – Fleetwood Mac
  8. Orinoco Flow – Enya
  9. Shakedown – Spyro Gyra
  10. Only ‘Cause I Don’t Have You – Harry Connick, Jr.
  11. If You Were Me – Elton John and Chris Rea
  12. Shameless – Billy Joel
  13. Roll Yer Own – Jethro Tull
  14. The Reflex – Duran Duran
  15. True To Life – Roxy Music
  16. Hope For The Runaway – Kenny Loggins
  17. Would I Lie To You – Eurythmics
  18. Eddie’s Coming Out Tonight – Night Ranger

I only know about 3 of these songs. Who the hell is Night Ranger? Douglas Spotted Eagle? Really? Can’t color code emotions to any of this crap either. Just don’t know what I was thinking. SIGNS OF LIFE IS NOISE. NOT MUSIC. The whole point of this playlist has been defeated.

Ultimate Apocalypse Build Order (Tyranids)

It pains me to say it, but the Tyranids have helped me tremendously in my Micro-Managing abilities with the Hivemind. It’s like having an invisible Farseer at my disposal who can never die. The Hivemind is eternal, and since it uses it’s own special resource (power), is largely independent of the build order, but nevertheless important. It’s key to understanding how nasty the Tyranids can be.

Phase 1 – Establish The Hive (0:00 – 2:00)

Builder set to reenforce to full squad size, and build either barracks
HQ: recruit another builder to build whichever barracks didn’t get built in the previous step
Hivemind: 2x Genestealers, each set to cap 1/2 the forward portion of the map, nearest first

Once the builders get done doing their thing, you will have some dead-time here where your Rippers are waiting for the Genestealers to cap the points so they can build Spore Chimneys on them. Do this until you have 5 or so points captured and posts built

HQ: research tier 1, and grab the first Genestealer adaptation tech

Phase 2 – Preparing The Swarm (2:30 – 4:00)

I will typically be capping and building Spore Chimneys into this phase. Once tier 1 is done, you can go find a slag pit if you have one, and harvest the huge requisition bonus they give. I make these a priority if they happen to be around. If not, start into upgrading every Chimney one time
Once all the upgrades are done, recruit both command units, and build 2x Warrior squads, fully reenforce
Buy the first increased economic intake technology
Build Carnifex barracks
Upgrade Gaunts, Lictors and Genestealers as much as can be done at this tier
Upgrade to tier 2 (680 Requisition)

As a note: by the time this is happening, you can hit 680R in a few seconds because you’re intake will be pretty insane. Like over +200 by the time you’re headed to tier 2. That might be less if you didn’t get a slag pit on your map.


Phase 3 – All Out Assault (5:00 – 11:00)

Hivemind: Drop those Hormagaunts once the 3rd of 3 techs is researched for all Gaunts. They are worth using as “filler” for your army and do hurt things when upgraded.
Attack: Upgrade all warriors with melee, set to assault, and march them in
Bloodlord: Once at level 8, build the 8 Genstealer command squad and set Lictors to autobuild
Hive Tyrant: Once at level 8, turn on his shield and build the 3 Hive Guards and send him in.

It’s important to only build the command squads once they are done with the command unit techs, because the tech menu will disappear as soon as his squad size is more than one.

If you get a chance, before you launch the full-out-attack, I’d use some of your resources to build Pools (the power generating structure for Tyranids) around the first 3 -4 posts that you have nearest to your base, build maybe 4 or 6 of them, to make your power intake go up, so you can use and recharge Hivemind abilities once the battle starts.

If you can’t kill them with THIS assault, go back to your base and reenforce this attack with more Warriors and Carnifex. Once the Carnifex get there, it’s usually over. Use the Hivemind in the assault to poison your foes or restrict their production of units and intake of resources. You can also, once into tier 3, rain meteors down on your foe’s base. Nice.

If you don’t win with this build I’d be surprised. Though, I JUST lost to Dark Eldar for the first time in seven games. Rather, I surrendered, seeing things getting out of hand rapidly. Make sure you research ALL technologies that make your Hormagaunts, Warriors, Lictors and Carnifex more powerful. It’s imperative that you make these little meats as strong as they can be when you march them off to war. They will die at logarithmic rates if you don’t do this, and that’s a great way to burn up your resources and get nothing for it.  You have to play Tyranids fast and smart. If you use what they give you, they can be mercilessly hard to stop. If you treat them like any other race, you will lose. They are special, deadly and disgusting. A great combination for my new 3rd favorite army in all of Ultimate Apocalypse.


7 – 0

Seven wins, no losses. The Tyranids are not a deep tactical army, but rather, a very fast car with not much gas in it. We seem to be able to win with game times running under 15 minutes. Over that time, and most races will out tech Tyranids with some of the more dominant units in the game. But I haven’t had a game go over 15 minutes, and I’ve recorded seven straight wins: defeating Tyranids, Eldar, Sisters of Battle, Dark Eldar, Necrons, Space Marines, and Necrons again. I’ve got no doubts I can beat Tau or Chaos, as the AI tends to meander a bit with these two, and rarely do they put up a fierce enough showing to grab a win. I’ve not lost to either of those armies in some time. Don’t know what it is exactly, they’re just slow. I am most concerned with Necrons (because their sheer toughness is a bad matchup for fleshy Tyranids), and Dark Eldar (who seem to just MAUL everyone they play). And I beat both of them in a serious, bloody, sloppy, mess of victory.

My build order s pretty simple, and my armies are usually comprised of the same stuff no matter who I’m facing. Genestealers, fully upgraded, do nice melee damage, and are worth pursuing them fully to get their squad size up and damage increased. They do base 51 – 80 melee with 9 in a squad. Nice, and cheap! And they can be spammed from the Hivemind, which is how I will use them, with lots of targeted deep-strikes popping new battalions into the battle immediately. Warriors, with the melee claws weapons upgrade, comprise the fighting front of the first wave. With the Genestealers, and both command units built, the Tyranid army is a hard thing to stop. In fact, once I have these pieces in place, there are not very many things that they can do. The commanders are piece of cake to upgrade. 4 Serious. With no power requirements, no second resource to juggle, I can CRANK the upgrades through after reaching economic bliss as the tier 2 resource-gain upgrade finishes. I level listening posts once. They have no defenses on them, so going the full 400 requisition to get them fully fortified seems extreme. And a waste.

The turrets and stationary defenses have the same model, just one is bigger than the other. I think that’s kind of silly. I wish we could change that. But whatever, this is all temporary, as soon a whole new UA will be around to mess with, most likely merging these small changes as part of the overall overhaul. At least, I hope SOME of these models stay. The HQ I could do without. The old one was better. I like the new Carnifex (screamer-killer). I like his older full Carnifex brother as well. The Hive Tyrant is a nasty looking model. The Bloodlord is a fantastic model, bar none my favorite of the lot. Simple, sweet, horrifying. Like a Genestealer with a flesh-beard. Lictors look nice as well, in that tentacled sort of way.

I have been spending some time getting a handle on the build order, but it’s so simple it hurts. It has no real merit at the moment as I have yet to truly, convincingly say I have a sequence with the Tyranids. At the moment, my options are still somewhat open, depending on the map. A real build order leaves no question as to its dominance, and therefore, solidarity.

A simple mind is easily filled, with faith.

The Hive Must Grow

They kinda remind me of the Borg. Same mentality, kill, conquer, assimilate. They are driven to do one thing, and they do it well. The Tyranid army is fast, as I have been saying. The thing that primarily enables this rapid pace is the Hivemind, the Tyranid’s unique feature. It appears in your permanent command unit icon area, but when selected, reveals it is not a unit at all, rather, just a new build menu and some special abilities that all use Power, not requisition as the activating resource. Abilities vary from random spore strikes on visible areas of the map, to production inhibiting area of effect stuff. They can also slam huge flaming meteors into your base, once leveled. The Hivemind also allows you to build a unit, and deep-strike it to anywhere on the map where the fog of war has been lifted. Which is fucking sick to just drop whole squads of Hormagaunts or Genestealers right into the fray, without having them need to march out from a production structure. They just pop right in to the battle, ready to slaughter. I love this.

Also, they have a need for one to act quickly. Lingering around for economic upgrades will rapidly defeat the purpose of the Tyranid army: to take the field quickly owning all melee combat on the board, and recapping strategic points for economic suffocation. Because it’s damn near impossible to win on units, unless you happen to have a massive sum of them. I’ve been in skirmishes lateley, the last 3, where victory was achieved by placing power units in critical areas and restricting unit access beyond a slowly decreasing circle. Carnifex (Screamer-Killers) come in handy towards the end, when you need some serious firepower to combat the upper-tier stuff they brought out to counter the Warriors and Genestealers.

Victory comes at the hands of having all the unit-side power / toughness upgrades done before the tipping point occurs on the battlefield. My focal point, as it were, has been the arrival of fully upgraded Lictors which I have set to autobuild from the Bloodlord, once he’s been adequately upgraded. Then, with his infiltration turned on, he just sits there on enemy ground and cranks out a Lictor every few seconds. With 8 – 13 of them running around, structures tend to go down pretty fast. Commander units are toast, as Lictors eat them for lunch. Lictors represent the backbone of the army, with squads of Warriors upgraded for melee combat in there as well. Sometimes the first few squads of capping Genestealers are left over, so I buy them all the upgrades and turn them loose on the front lines. This has worked miraculously well, I must say. 3 tough opponents, all collapsed under this strategy.

I’ll be going through more testing today before my family has a big gathering this afternoon. I’ll be schmoozing with my fam, which I love, because they’re good people. Though, I don’t have anyone around to talk Ultimate Apocalypse with in that circle. As you may have noticed, I posted my letters back and forth with Will on the blog. I will continue to do so, as they accumulate. Anyway, hope you have a good Sunday. RTS on brothers.

relic00146 relic00148 relic00149 relic00151relic00155

Battle Journal: The Tyranid Army

With the graphics facelift, they sure are icky to look at. In a kinda good way. Regardless, I’ve been practicing against the Harder AI with them, with poor results indeed. I’ve gone 0-5 against the AI in it’s current configuration, most recently losing to the also revamped Necrons. I lost to Dark Eldar before that, whose tier 1 shit dissected my Hive Tyrant before anything got started. I need him to be alive, and have all his upgrades bought for melee combat, so he can git in there and slaughter. But he never even gets close to it, because something kills him somewhere 1/8 of the way through his upgrades. Crappy way to lose, considering the fucking Tyranids are the fastest army. It’s true though, and they can be really really fast, but only if marched down a narrow path between success and failure. I find myself losing mostly because I haven’t acted fast enough to obliterate my foe like I should have from the start of the game. I think Tyranids are designed to be the ultimate rush army because they can immediately reenforce and drop new squads out of the sky with the Hivemind. It’s got it’s own bar of special abilities and shit you can do to anything you can see, or even do stuff where you have no line of sight, but think they might be in there. It’s kinda awesome.

I digress, the real point here is that even though you pretty much only have to manage requisition intake, it’s critical you tech really really fast, and almost death if you spend any time on economic peripheral techs or whatever. I’ve focused on early economy every time so far, and not won. So I guess I’m at least learning a thing or two. Maybe I’ll just blitz them with early Genestealers and Hormagaunts and see how they handle being crippled within the first few minutes of the game. What a shitty thing to do… even to a computer. There HAS to be another way to win with these guys. Anyway, I’ll keep you appraised if my luck or strategy, or both, changes.

Ultimate Apocalypse: The Tyranid Leadership


First off, let me just say that these guys got a huge makeover. Things looked, well, shabby, until now. These buildings are the core objects that the typical Tyranid base will inevitably contain. It’s ambiance, folks.

Hive Tyrant (Commander). Level 8. 11276 HP. Squad Size = 1 + 3 Hive Guard. Melee 113 – 135 Ranged 145 – 170 damage. Upgraded with Scything Talons + Crushing Claws. Cost: 280R/0P

I adore this commander unit. I mean, how do you stop him exactly? The AI has no idea how to use him, or when to have him hold ground or flee. He can fly, also. Though the new model didn’t grow any wings when I researched the technology. I bet he still flies but has no animation for it. Or some such. Anyway, with those two upgrades, he’s clearly the centerpiece of the entire Tyranid army. Without him rallying the swarm, they have no hope. He seals the deal though, in a big way. He’s surrounded by a new honor guard of sorts, and he spews a cloud of pestilence all the time.


The Crushing Claws looked nice in this model’s rendering. The talons are huge. So, he’s beefcake, needless to say. Complimentary to him is the secondary commander, the Bloodlord. He’s smaller, faster, and not really intended to be the vanguard of any army, but a tactician, summoning troops and dispatching fast waves of Tyranids with little difficulty. He is a flesh wizard, summoning and upgrading himself with a series of extremity armaments and other useful things.  Like I said, he’;s not to be the front line guy, rather, somewhere in the back negotiating new troop assignments and rallying more of the swarm to the battle line.

Bloodlord (Commander). Level 8. 2430 HP. Squad size = 1 + 8 Genestealers. Melee 138 – 161 damage. Cost: 220R/0P


Together they account for the fastest army in all of Ultimate Apocalypse. I’ve found the Tyranids to be boring, because they have no tech selections and are driven only to make more Tyranids appear on the battlefield and make them stronger. It’s great if you like to Zerg your opponents with a great sum of meats. I’m not a big fan of winning by digestion. They are single-resource driven, with Power serving as a “special” resource for executing Hive-Mind commands and deploying special abilities, not for making buildings or units. This can get a little, um, tiring. It’s not as much fun to balance just 1, 2 is exciting. 1 is boring. Mostly 1 anyway.

It should be noted that since the Fan Patch, the Tyranid army has a relic commander unit that has no upgrade capacity. It’s rather like a, Avitar of Khaine, but fleshier. And also very big and buff. It does nasty things to units, demolishes structures in a few swipes.

Well there you have it. I took a stab at briefly summarizing and providing some commander flavored insights. The melee damage numbers on these guys has got to be off by a mile. I don’t think it computes a new figure when you chose upper and lower extremities on the Hive Tyrant. Which is why I listed them, so you have some idea about his likely damage output.


Fan Patch Continued…

I’ve had a look at the changelog. Primarily the Necrons’ infantry and some resource costs were tweaked to make Necrons go faster. No argument from me, they’re already the slowest of all the armies. Easily. And the Tyranids got a cosmetic change in all the neat-o models got updated or optimized or something. Anyway, they were a bit cartoonish, and now they look “wretched.” In a good way. They horrify, and are clearly a huge improvement over the old models. Tyranids just look rad now, seriously rad. I might have to make a post on them in not too long here, since screencaps are going to be a load of fun! Tyranids would be #4 on my preferred races list in my strategy game preferences page. If it had a 4th entry anyway. I like them, even if they are a bit rudimentary.


In short, I’ve not used the Necrons so who’s to know what has changed or has stayed the same? I think this was all done as a result of no new update from the core mod team until 1.74, when the single player campaign and Inquisition Daemonhunters will be back. With more balance tweaks obviously, because most of you are playing Chaos Space Marines, which I hate. I’m never doing a post on them, forget it. I have to face them every time I play with will, and I’ve grown quite resentful of them. I won’t go there, as I’m perfectly satisfied with Tau. I’ll beat the shit spittoons out of you with Tau. No doubt.


But nevertheless, I vow to have a Tyranids post up here in no time at all, I’ll take my oath on it.

Insane Once More!

I’ve got this build order down for Eldar that I’m pretty stoked about. It’s fast, and very hard to stop. I start with the bare essentials, economic upgrades only after tier 2 is researched, and no units until tier 2. Minimum. If you haul-ass up to tier 2, and then hit them with a serious fast-moving threat, there’s no way to beat that. I’ve seen them try upwards of 4 times now. But this most recent victory came against the Insane AI, which I throttled the same way I did the Harders. Those Fire Dragons might be OP or something, because they gutted Space Marines’ base in less than 1 minute. They just walked right through it, smashing everything in their way. They even reeled and built a second HQ farther down the map, but it was no use, by then the Warp Spiders has closed in and there were no more units of any kind, on the map. Down to a HQ and then dead.

The I attacked first, but they couldn’t handle the first group of Wraithlords. They managed to kill 1 of 3. But by then, ranged infantry was getting out, and the Dark Reapers all died because I needed them to buy me some time. It worked, because then I had Fire Dragons, and all their big Dreadnaught things died fucking boom. And vehicles tried to run away, but died attempting to flee. Then I gained a bunch of ground that they were vacating, realizing the tier 1 stuff they had was not going to cut it against me. They ran for cover, and I chased them right back to the HQ and killed them.

I had a strange therapy session, where my therapist actually got intimidated by me, and the way I was talking. I think I may have overwhelmed her with eagerness to explain my peculiar self-rhetoric. I was attempting to explain that I have to be overly-selective in making any kind of relationship right now, because I am trying to rebuild myself, alone. I need to do this rehabilitation for myself, and without the need of another person or for another reason other than, me. I deserve to live a full life, for my own sake, because I am unique, special, and worth defending. Even if the fucking armies are closing in on me, I still have to be ok with myself, in order to know that I can survive for my own sake. That has to be enough to inspire me to my ultimate heights, where the ceiling of what I can achieve with my life is within reach. I truly hope that this goal of mine is not too lofty, but crafted out of an understanding of the gradual arc of slowly, correctly, built success. I tried to explain my ideas about what friendships should be about, but she called me “idealistic.” I think maybe you’re “pessimistic.” How about that? How rude.

Anyway. I tend to think that If I want to life my life for myself, I had better follow a pretty solid set of rules. I need the structure, to hold me to my moral compass. To guide me in a crisis. I need to be able to do these things alone, and in the event that a new person was to me added to the equation, it better be because of some fucking good reason. I’m not going to be your friend just to say that I am, If you don’t have anything useful to add to my life, then I probably don’t want to talk to you. Is that idealistic? Or just picky? I mean seriously, that’s not even as extreme as I can be. this is moderation folks. You get what you get.

I don’t know how today’s run in with my morality will play out over the course of our next meetings, but I get the feeling we won’t be going back to that area, for her sake I guess.

Humans To Mars By 2037?

I really have my fears that even that somewhat forgiving deadline is still not reachable. Why? I mean truly if we put enough money into a thing, it’s bound to happen. But is going to Mars a priority for this society? Do most Americans know what Mars is?

I find the goal to be interesting, If our objective is to establish land-based operations (with Mars’ gravity being roughly 1/3 ours). That seems rough. There’s no way to train for that. You can strand yourself in a barren environment and only wear a suit outside, but the GRAVITY you can’s fake. You will know when you get there. I guess. But we sure can calculate for what is going to happen to us when we get there, and how hard it is going to be to establish a self-sustaining colony there. We can’t even zip up our own flies half the time. Why should we care about going to Mars, other than that going there is pretty fucking cool?

We plan to, first, grab a Near Earth Object and corral it into an orbit around the Moon, and then go send people to it and land on it for samples or whatever. Isn’t that insane? A fucking asteroid no larger than a room. Why should it cooperate? What the fuck are we thinking?

This is their whole big plan though. And now we have to miss the minimum distance in 2018 or sometime around there, when Mars was really really close. 2037? Holy shit man, I’m never going to make it.

But hey, if we can somehow unanimously convince ourselves that going to Mars is an objective we need to see through, then surely put it to America to do that job correctly. We’ve been the only ones to go to the Moon so far. GO top that before you come at me with your 3rd world space program.


I didn’t mean that to sound foul. It’s the current skirmish AI difficulty setting in Ultimate Apocalypse that I am using. I was trying Insane for a while, but then I couldn’t do anything to stop them from getting to tier 3 ahead of me, or getting some relic unit out and fucking me up the ass with it. Back on Harder, the AI rushes at 4 minutes in every time, I’ve just compensated by having a few nasties of my own out there. It’s been working, I must say, especially when I play the Tau Empire. Using them is funny, because they are clearly two distinct races working together, representing the division between melee and ranged. Since they are technically separate, it is possible to research both up to tier 3 (with tier 4 being universal to path chosen). It takes more time to do this, naturally… but the payoff is to have the full force of your army established, with Krootox fighting beside the XV89 Bodyguards. It’s supposed to be balanced, but it’s really only possible to get both trees up to tier 3 if you stall your foe for a while, somehow. Keep them busy eating something you let them chew on, then reenforce with a new wave of both melee and ranged, Kroot Alphas charging as Barracudas inundate the enemy with burning plasma and exploding missile pods. I played a game on the Moonbase map (which is a bit of a snag, because there’s no slag pit to build a big power generator on, so it’s really up to your 6 in base generators, and the economy techs), and I had swapped control of the middle a few times. When I directed the final assault, There was no point where the AI was able to stop me. I marched, uninterrupted into Dark Eldar’s base and mauled them grizzly bear style. In other words, I went in their base, and killed all their dudes. Pwned.

Really, it’s a great afternoon where anything is possible. I have the evening to myself, and I intend to fill it with entertainment and orange juice.

relic00084 relic00091 relic00094 relic00099 relic00104


relic00125 relic00130 relic00131 relic00122

There’s No “I” In Dead

It’s true that since those 4 skirmishes I haven’t won a single round of Ultimate Apocalypse, since changing the AI setting to Insane. I think I’ve lost more than 4 now, to Eldar most recently… they didn’t rush at 4 minutes, which was a relief of sorts. I had time to build my economy. But holy shit did that not matter. About 2 minutes after what I expected to be the rush, a great silence fell on the field. I had next to nothing, so I cranked Barracudas, Hounds and the Alphas. Now, I didn’t lose right away… I held them at bay until I had both ranged and melee tier 2 buildings out. I built the ranged commanders, but by then it was too late. They had an Avatar of Khaine and he walked all over me. Killed 4 Krootox in a matter of moments, and then did the same to my XV89 Bodyguards. EEEEP.

7barry 9hound 11krootox 8alpha

I know, right? So, I’m at an impasse. Maybe I’ll reduce the AI setting and see if my build order will work or not. If it can kill a Harder I’s be ok with that. I asked the Ultimate Apocalypse Facebook group about what AI settings they use, and most are on HR. Whatever.




I’ve got some confidence in my current build order. So much so, that I cranked the skirmish AI up to the highest setting (Insane) I. I just said: “well, what the fuck do I have to lose?” I guess it’s the optimist in me, but I figured I could do it.

Result of 4 skirmishes against the I: 4 wins.

Why the fuck is this happening? I thought the sequence was good… maybe not competitive against a human, but this? I won against Space Marines, Chaos, Tyranids and Necrons. All with no problem whatsoever. I don’t really know if it’s because of the changes I made to the sequence… or if somehow the skirmish Insane AI is fucked up and doesn’t work right. But I was challenged in each game at some point. Necrons I had to go after because they weren’t moving fast enough. I obliterated them with 7 Barracudas and 2 squads of Hounds.

It takes me less than 17 minutes; every game has been close to 15. Things escalate quickly and I gain economic superiority fast, and then I crank the same unit until I can’t build any more of them (cap out).  I usually only ever need to grab 1 slag pit and upgrade intake twice, sometimes just once. Shit yo.

So, is this a strat I can go public with or what? I want to try it out on a human, but I have no peers to do so with. I am going to really lay it all out and name it something clever; eventually becoming a new post at some future date. I think I will keep smashing the monkey-shit out of the AI, because this is fucking fun. Really.

I have never played at THIS LEVEL before. I think I’m really getting something useful out of this, given the human implications. Hopefully, this prevails. More testing is needed though.

So bai.


A Morning Dance

I’ve had my head in the world of new music lately. I discovered the brilliance of Billy Joel’s 52nd Street, then had a grand time learning The Who’s Tommy. I just found out about how awesome Gerry Rafferty is, for example.

I haven’t grown up in a sheltered musical environment by any stretch. My parent’s music collection is what I grew up with, so, there are bound to be a few dated oddities in there… like Steeleye Span or Renaissance. You see… this has been a stumbling block of sorts in my life. No one I have ever been with jived with my musical preferences. I listen to what I was brought up with, and enjoyed it thoroughly. Frankly, I find most modern music to be abhorrent. Rap and most thing R&B I will pass on. To me, music is about the quality of the sound, the instruments, the beats, the lyrics and how they’re composed. All that said, Lady GaGa is this generation’s Madonna.

Every genre has it’s good and it’s bad, obviously. I don’t just blanket love everything antiquated. I’m still picky.

But who to share this excellent collection with? Ah, the greatest mystery of all. And not one that needs an answer anytime soon, hehe.

Speaking of mystery… I read a poignant and sharply worded reply from Jax to one of my earlier posts (on her blog, in reply to me, I suppose). I really wish she would have posted the rant as a comment so you all could see it. I don’t like judging things like this, because it takes away from an understanding of content/message. I’m not really sure what the hope is in retaliating, or getting all worked up about something anyone with eyes can see. I don’t get flabbergasted because I live in a tent, as though I’m somehow surprised by a truth I’ve known all along. I have selected my lot and am intent on sticking with it until “better” rolls around. That’s just me (which I guess is a destructive way of thinking, according to objectors). And frankly, this whole topic was never really open for discussion. You decided to respond in your own limited, dimensionless, usual capacity, and in such a way that seeks no resolution, but responds as a defense-mechanism (driven by rage) does; by lashing back and objecting to the points that are (quite) indisputable. I don’t argue when it comes to things that just happened one way and not another.

But she’s right that for a time, I would not help myself. This is true. I was so strung out on work, that I had pushed all my “self-worth” chips into the center and bet it all to win. Trouble there, is when I started to break down under the stress, I lost my identity as I lost a place to function at work. I let work be the column that held up my sky.  Even in your somewhat deluded state, I know you can see how that job was my world, and it consumed me. And why is your reaction to my situation to abandon me? If I can’t hold myself up… hmmm… fuck him, we’re out of here! Right? Did it go another way that I’m not aware of? I was there too, IN CASE YOU FORGOT.  I saw that when things were at their worst, you wanted out, and took the first solid exit opportunity you could. That happened. I don’t know how you make that turd smell better, but I applaud you for your efforts in trying.


Dr. Kower agrees. She said to me that she tried to stop the collapse by going with my med changes that I was recommending… but even she knew, based on what I was telling her every few weeks, that it was doomed to fail. That was hard, being effectively “squeezed-out” of my job and my disability’s symptoms were already charging back into my life.

So what does any of that matter?

I know some new things now that I didn’t know about myself. And I’m improving. To me, this all seems like I’m headed in a positive direction and whatnot. I’m not sprinting towards glory or anything, but who is really?

Your words, Jax, don’t carry the load of truth with them. Instead, they are eased with lies, misconstrued facts and bitterness of some form. I’ll not participate in the rhetorical exchange. It doesn’t matter to me anymore.


What’s really going on here is that the end of our arrangement has come, and now it’s time for a cool change.

Scolding The Infadel

My life is pretty boring right now. With the potential for abrupt change waiting in the wings. It’s no way to go on functioning, I’ll have you know. Time is a tiger sinking it’s fangs into me.

I don’t really have to explain anything at this point. I’m not in denial over my lot. I’m taking myself and my illness seriously, and not just brushing it off like it was no big deal. That’s not my way. I’m prone to complain if things get bad. I’m going to let you know if something bothers me. I just prefer to be straight, rather than having to remember all the lies I told.

I guess I’m still grieving. It’s only been a couple months, and sometimes I simply burn with loneliness. There’s not much that can be done about that. I’m the guy who got used and discarded like so many candy wrappers. I’m not saying I wasn’t to blame, because I certainly helped get myself thrown out as junk.

I gamble big on people. And I lose, because most people out there are fucking idiots. I give my ex wife a lot more credit than she deserves sometimes. I hope you realize I do this because sometimes I hate myself more than what she did to me.

I just don’t get it.

But hey, I’m out here still alive despite my efforts. And I intend to stay that way and be more involved in the world than I have been before. These are acceptable goals.

I’m getting away from my mindfulness. Which has only helped me become a better negotiator with my thoughts. I guess I should really try and reiterate some of the things we’re learning about, as they have direct practical applications in my life.

I need this self-talk. It helps me make sense of my feelings. I get to experience them, and have them gain the recognition they so desperately seek.

I must confess to reading Jax’s blog. I shouldn’t have, because I find myself angered at her, again. This time, it was because leaving me was to be all about her “doing it by myself” and not needing anyone else to carry her. So she goes and gets attached to a new boyfriend. I mean, right? Who didn’t see that coming? I guess I’m not surprised. She’s transparent and shallow, as most non intellectuals are. She doesn’t even see the hypocrisy of her own belligerent actions. Not my concern much anymore. And I’d rather have my prevailing beliefs about Jax disputed, not confirmed. I hope the best for her, I really do. But I can’t really care that she’s doing the exact opposite of what she said she wanted when she left me.

Life moves on. Pain or no pain. Beard or no beard. We go, boldly.



I had to do a blood test for the clinic on Wednesday, and Maria really fucked up my arm. She missed the vein and dealt me some unusual electric agony as she dug around for blood. I managed to painfully fill one vial, and about 1/10 the second one. By the end of this I was not really aware of the damage done. It’s since become delicate, dealing swift shocks of pain if moved to extension. I’ve had pain liker this, when I nearly severed my left pointer. The pain was sharp, bad, and deep.


So, i typed this whole post with my left hand. Brevity only because of circumstance.



Ultimate Apocalypse Game Notes (Eldar Commanders / Relic Units)

I’ve been hitting it off with them lately. In the last 4 skirmishes, I’ve managed to climb my way up to tier 4 and roll the relic commander (Avatar of Khaine) on them. He crushes things with a calibrated fierceness. He has a special technology research upgrade only available once you hit tier 4, and even then, it’s 800R\800P. Yikes. But it literally doubles the HP of the Avatar of Khaine, and gives him some new nifties to play with.

Avatar Of Khaine (Relic Commander / Daemon). Level 8. 27000 HP. Squad size = single. Melee 1222 – 1421 damage. Cost: 1200R/0P (0R/0P After Upgrade)

So, at tier 4 he’s pretty much a game-ender. He smashes things to ruin quickly, with abilities that do devastating damage to EVERYTHING. He costs a lot to have around at tier 3, and he’s not nearly as useful as he becomes later on. Point being, if you get to use this guy, keep him alive until the tech is done researching, making him free to recruit again if he dies. But he’s probably not going to die. I had Tau fixed defenses and twice-upgraded listening posts to contend with, and in tier 3, he made mincemeat of everything in his way. He could not be stopped. What about the rest of the Eldar military? I have begun implementing a new strategy based on my success with the Tau. I started building and upgrading the Eldar core commander units, expanding into relic units. This has yielded several successful military campaigns, including a battle-line hold with the Farseer and Autarch only. The Avatar of Khaine is pretty handy if your economy is fucking awesome.

I held off 2 squads of Stealth Suits, 2 squads of Kroot Carnivores and a battalion of Fire Warriors. Just those two. How?

Farseer (Secondary Commander). Level 8. 4737 HP. Squad size = single. Melee 81 – 110 / Ranged 42 – 52 damage. Cost: 300R\60P

Autarch (Primary Commander). Level 8. 5928 HP. Squad size = single. Melee 69 – 106 / Ranged 42 – 52 damage. Cost: 280R\50P

The Farseer is an MM (micro-managed) unit, with a full toolbar of special abilities, that (when upgraded) deal huge amounts of damage in single shots or area of effect spells. She is devastating to vehicles (with abilities), and does well in melee combat, save a lower then usual hitpoint total. She’s not nearly as combat effective as the Autarch (who was clearly designed to kill things in melee combat).  BUT WAIT! There’s a whole lot more.

Seer Council (Command Squad). Level 8. 7440 HP. Squad size = 12. Melee 77 – 96 damage. Cost: 195R\105P

A diverse collection of commander-class units. The Council can cap points, which is useful towards endgame. I et down to crippling the AI’s economy be destroying their posts and using the Seer Council to turn the points over to me. This will suffocate the AI with too few resources to match those fully upgraded command units.

Eldar are a thinking man’s army, because you need to pay keen attention to the Farseer if you’re using her in combat. Letting her die is not a good idea. She’s probably comparable to the Imperial Guard’s Psykers… but massively expanded in usefulness. I’m still making good of these command units, and probably misusing their true intended functionality. I have a feeling the UA camp would be unhappy with my playing style and whatnot. They are more competitive and victory-driven than I will ever be.

So, maybe I’ll do a command unit post for every race, or better, the ones I actually know how to use. These guys are vastly different from the Tau Empire army, but a fuck-ton of fun to play. Especially having a tier 3 ranged infantry unit (with D-gun upgrades for all 4 squad members). That’s just sick.

8 Minutes In Heaven

I’ve found a way to have fun fighting with the computer and not be driven crazy every 4 minutes. With the AI on Hard, I have an easy 8 minutes to get my shit together before dealing with any major offensive. By 8 minutes, I’m going tier 3 and probably have some units in play already. I’m finding I peak at tier 3, with 2/4 economy upgrades purchased for both power and requisition. I’m rolling along if that’s the case, and can afford to repeat-build a preferred unit or two. With Eldar, I go Warp Spiders and Fire Dragons from two separate barracks. Tau Empire sees XV8 Crisis/Sunfire Suits and Hammerhead Gunships. Imperial Guard gets Kasrskins and (INSERT TANK-OF-THE-WEEK HERE). Fire dragons take care of structures much more effectively than a Nightspinner, so I go with them. For my success, the approach has been to solidify the economic standing of my colony, then begin peaking with units around tier 3 so I’m not wasting resources on units that are going to die quickly. Even upgraded and reenforced, It’s sad to see tier 1 stuff going against my Wraithlords. It goes poorly for them.

It’s not as clear cut as that. Orks tend to get into my perimeter by the 5-6 minute area, which can be problematic unless dealt with. I’ve found myself leaning on fixed defenses for some early-game cushion. I set listening posts on perimeter requisition points and then build a cluster of fixed defenses right on top of it. i will do this usually to two posts with a map-edge to protect flanking approaches. With two points fortified, I can spend resources on upgrades and technology. I get my requisition and power gains both leveled twice, so my economy can take a repeating build queue from at least two structures and afford me some leftover resources to buy more upgrades. I find that it takes time to get to this point, at least 7-10 minutes. Usually it happens that about the time my tier 2 opponent has started causing me worry, I’m in a place where I can draw back, coil, and strike. I hit the ground with leveled and deadly units usually built to a counter of some sort, so I can address what the enemy has already shown me, and act appropriately.

I these games, which run from 16 – 22 minutes, I’m able to do all the things I want in the RTS gameplay experience. It’s a fragile balance often upset by being dealt a slightly more aggressive or passive AI personality. I fins Orks, Tyranids and Chaos Space Marines are all pretty aggressive (respectively). Nercons, Sisters of Battle and Tau Empire are all a bit slow on the ground game. They tend to be slow when measured to when I end up peaking, which is usually a win if I make it farther along than they do come scrapping time.

I’m lacking a significant anecdote which relays this point effectively. I have only a few skirmishes to make my new-found assessments. I am curious if there are different approaches to handling the skirmish AI? Though, I am weary from the thought of playing new human opponents… I know the transition is shocking and vastly different from the AI (see, predictable).

The great quandary of these games comes from two human minds competing on these arena floors. Every game then truly being the result of a collision of two chaos-driven engines or creative inspiration. There are surely more reasons to record games when you have human foes: the games requiring explanation are often because they’re hilarious.




Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance (Total Mayhem 1.20) GAME NOTES

So, I’ve been exclusively playing Forged Alliance with the Total Mayhem 1.20 mod: and there have been some pretty awesome games, and some unexpectedly bad endings. Let me clarify a few changes the mod has implemented, for anyone who has played an unmodified version of FA and happens to wonder why this outdated RTS is so damn captivating NOW. First off, each faction has 1-3 new units per tech level, usually a heavy ground unit or even additional aircraft or (rarely) a naval unit. These new units are factory produced, so you have to build and tech-up a factory to get access to them. NURP. Next, in addition to these factory-bound units, each faction has 4-7 freestanding individual units they can build PER TECH LEVEL. Your commander and all subsequent engineers you build will all have the ability to do this, producing some of the game’s best units, like devastating battle mechs, very very large and well armed tanks, and behemoth aircraft that obliterate everything in their way. These units take some time to construct and usually require several people to come help in order to have them done in a timely fashion. Well worth the price, mind you. These units are hard to stop, or at least, some of the larger ones are. There are smaller, less powerful options as well; allowing the possibility of making lots of units versus just one big fucking-chonga-huge game-ender. So, it expands the strategy options, either way you look at it. More units = more like TA which is the greatest RTS ever. Duh.

Like I was saying; the unmodified version is limited by comparison to Total Mayhem. I love having diverse armies, especially with Aeon’s options: two heavy one assault tank at tech 1, and the same at tech 2. Plus more medium and light options. If desired. Heavy/assault units tend to have spectacular weapons. Aeon weapons are all charged particle emitters and high energy lasers. PERSONAL FAVORITES! Especially Tech 2 fixed defenses. They have a sexy high-energy particle emitting laser and it damn near kills anything of consequence with a single shot. And from… over there, as well.

So, the game is diverse. You have a lot more to think about than in most any other game. It’s not a clear-cut BO every time. My Build Order changes rapidly based on circumstance and the AI type I’m playing. I do rather well against Rush AI in its various permutations. Sorian Rush dies nearly every time because of an over-stretched commander wandering WAY too fucking far out there doing no good at all. I NEVER LEAD WITH A COMMANDER. It seems pretty obvious to me that if we’re going to have a knife fight, I better not shield myself with my testicles.

My commander is always at home somewhere, or in the kitchen absorbing map-bound resources. Or if I’m feeling zippity-doo-da daring, I’ll run him out there and absorb front-line corpses and wreckage that is usually found in areas of contention. I’ve recently been testing whether it’s prudent to upgrade the commander’s independent systems (an innovation from it’s counterpart TA), like making the commander capable of building tech 2 stuff, or maximizing the range of his primary weapon, or making his overcharge (see, nerfed d-gun) more effective. I’ve been giving him the ability to go tech 2 once my factories make it there and my economy is doing well. His engineering suite, I assume, is the best, so there’s no reason not to have him help build or independently construct T2 shit. If needed, mind you.

I’ve never made him more offensively useful, though I can only imagine that someone out there uses the commander that way. Fuck, if the game allows you to do it, someone has “that way” of winning all figured out. And someone is already figured the best way to win with an upgraded offensive commander as the lead dog in the vanguard. Why the hell not I say? Isn’t that what a good RTS is all about?

So, I’ve had some practice against Sorian Rush AI, classic Rush AI, and Sorian Adaptive AI all on either 10km or 5km maps. 20, 40 and 80+ are insane. I don’t even understand how you can just “well, OK then” play on such a giant ass map. You’d be to T2 before you even bumped faces with your foe. Which is boring, and managing so much BASE. MAH BASE IS HUUUUUUUUUGGGGE. I’m not really a fan of that, so 10km is plenty of wiggle room, and 5km is a heated scrap. No game-timers running past 25 minutes. UNTZ *FLEX*.That’s how we DO IT.

So, these previously mentioned AI settings all lead commander, which as you know, I think is silly. So, therefore: I tend to win via stupid neglectful over-maneuver by said AI. My T2 gunships get commanders almost every time I play on 10km maps, because the middle is JUST TOO FAR from safety at the 20 minute mark. No AI builds decent stationary defenses, with the exception of the Sorian Turtle, which I have yet to defeat. Either way you look at it, it is more often than not a bad way to die by losing your commander as part of your front line defenses. Losing him to a nuke or powerful unit is another matter entirely. Acceptable, yes, not IDEAL to die, but it happens.

This is my pickle: I can’t beat the Turtle AI. Its got a better build order than I do. Now, if you’ve come this far, maybe you’ll go a bit farther and review my Build Order variant to check it for strategic flaws.


1x land factory

1-2x adjacent mass extractor

3-5x adjacent power generator

Land Factory:

5x T1 Engineer


1x T1 Assault Tank

2x T1 Heavy Tank

Commander repeats w/ Air Factory instead of Land Factory

Air factory IMMIDIATLEY goes T2

4 T2 Engineers

5x T1 Engineers fan out capping mass and building AA turrets all over the place. Hydrocarbon if it’s around, surrounding with power storage and surrounding mass with mass storage.

At this point, I’ll send commander to make a second Land Factory and have it go T2 as well. Economy permitting. I’m usually in the red on mass for some stretch of this tactic, but having a few engineers break off and reclaim trees, rocks (whatever happens to have mass and be reclaimable) and just do that for a while until I can get some stuff built. Once a mass extractor with 4 mass storage goes T2, I flatten out and go green in mass.

I don’t start building T2 independent units until after my factories are producing T2 tanks consistently. Then when I do go, I start in on the Aeon’s T2 Advanced Battle Mech. It’s sturdy, and kills damn near everything it bumps into. Commanders included.

I’ve either won if I kept my mass out of the redline long enough to get to T2 extractors, or I died from any number of foul-ups along the way. Like not absorbing enough mass to get through the T2 transition, or popping off to many auto-builds at one time, or having 5 engineers cranking on various long-term projects simultaneously. My economy being crippled by early agitators is also another way to lose, and lose quickly. I’ve surrendered 1 commander kill, due in large part to aggressive gameplay, and straight-up neglect. I forgot about WHERE he was patrolling, and he got wiped out by some T2 tanks in a bushel. Bah. Not my fault. I was focused on my blob of units making it’s way through his outer defenses. And I got gut punched in the guts and now my guts hurt. Narm.

Anyway, this is certainly an arbitrary review and gameplay theory rant.

I’ll conclude by stating that the better the RTS game is, the more free one is to individually craft a gameplay style from the available resources of the game’s interface and capabilities. To have an RTS which captures the essence of Total Annihilation by preserving a diverse array of units and build orders, while also innovating enough new game features to captivate us all over again, is truly a great thing. Forged Alliance might be a bit outdated, but honestly, I couldn’t ask for a more unique and unrivaled gameplay experience. It is truly designed with an RTS gamer in mind. The absence of the minimap is terrifying, UNLESS you can zoom out and see every single thing on the game-field with the scroll wheel on your mouse. NO NEED for a minimap now. And strategic icons, because units get too small to see individually. INNOVATIVE I say. So far, I have run up against a firm challenge in the Turtle Sorian AI, so I shall surely have something new to write about soon.

Farewell gamers, and long live your commander.

As Gandalf would say:

“Keep it secret. Keep it safe!”

EXPANDED REVIEW CONTENT: Ultimate Apocalypse 1.73.4

I’ve found peace at last. The game is, as advertised, exceptionally well balanced across the board. I’ve played 4 different races: they all peak the same way, and at roughly the same time. Tech up to tier 1 has been in 1 minute 30 seconds to 2 minutes even every time. Regardless of necessity. IG Techs internally through the HQ, but Tau require you to construct a Path to Enlightenment. It’s balanced, because it doesn’t compromise the game to have diversity of race. If everyone takes approximately the same time to get to tier 3, then chances are, the game will be more interesting. Wouldn’t it be better to have it out with a fair-fight? I get no thrill from running into your tier 2 base with my tier 4 units. Seriously not why I get off.

I have been winning against H with Tau. Switched it up to a HR and can’t win with them at all now. Finding MASSIVE success and speed with Imperial Guard. They upgrade FAST. And I’m good sticking with the infantry doctrine. Things don’t go well for me when I try to hang my hat on IG vehicles. But hey. I’m open to the possibility of changing. Had to win a long game with a Baneblade OR 2 just yesterday. Sidetracking! So, IG rebuild I’m really enjoying. Tau are spectacularly more powerful on foot. And thought the Skyray got nerfed down to 2 long range missile racks vs 4, It’s still terrific. It does damage now at much closer ranges than I remember it being willing to engage in before. It uses the long range missiles at shit that’s right in front of it sometimes. It’s a bit odd.

Like any good article worth it’s weight ins scratch: I’ve got to drop some meaningless header words in here to divide this boring block of text into something picante!


So far, I can’t say I’m happy with the STILL far too high level of bouncing singly-targeted units receive when being smacked by explosive projectiles. They can still be bounced until they die, which sucks, because literally, there are fleeting spasms of moments that would allow one to control the commander’s independent retreat function long enough to escape. But you have to be laser-kung-fu with the fingers and thinking to do it. Bullshit. THOUGH: still not as much a problem as it was. And commanders are imminently destroyable. As I’ve noted. But I’d be hard-pressed to find another good LAME.

I will have a third post later that will include a full BO for Tau and Eldar (if I can get good with both of them to feel confident dispensing advice). Feel free to ask specific inquiries if they arise. I’ve played many a game with HR at this point, so I know a few moves.

Ultimate Apocalypse (1.73) RELEASED

Dawn of War: Soulstorm’s Ultimate Apocalypse Mod has posted a major release… really? based on what information sailor? It’s actually been out since the beginning on the month. Current permutation 1.73.4 (the .4 is no more then a basic tweak of Tyranid AI and some other stuff). The core of the Mod, 1.73, hit newsstands on the 1st. And it was no joke. YAR?

I usually play Tau Empire. I have a “thing” for ranged infantry. Tau have always been my go to, with Eldar as a faint second and Tyranids somewhere on the fringes of rarely. This Mod cropped-out Inquisition Deamonhuunt. For now. I have no idea if a rework is planned, but their commander is insane and needed a nerf very badly. But he and his faction didn’t make the cut. And neither (for now) did UA Team’s baby Chaos Deamons. Only extra race is Tyranids, which got the full overhaul, and are now a fuck-ton of fun to play and a formidable AI challenge as well. Solidly third. A few observations: I can’t seem to win with Eldar. Tau gets to 3 commanders on the battlefield = win. And commanders are imminently destroyable. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. Cause you’ll be all dooo dee doo dee doo, ohnoholyshitmycommanderjustfuckingdied!!!!

Games go like this: dead silence for 5 minutes on the nipple. Then early pestering at furthest captured points, then a direct assault on the home front. Right to the HQ. Failed, usually. But unnerving, and an unwanted distraction. Comes in waves. Time between averages 2 – 5 minutes. It’s a struggle to get much going. Tau have enough firepower early to keep annoying squad in-out maneuvers from breaking unit positions on the battlefield. I post units to stay their ground, and wait for the ranged to become potent enough to just keep shooting everything at arm’s length. Radius of no passage established; begin reinforcing, and teching. Pushing early at 10 minutes or somewhere between tier 2 and 3. Then Tau have some nice units which ably hold ground and walk slow, grinding everything they see with plasma. An incessant barrage of waddling mechs. That’s how it’s done.

But, I forget. Key components of the Mod’s success so far:

  1. AI stays sharp and competitive regardless of race, and plays to racial strengths. Custom build.

  2. Races have classy interface menus and tool-tips for everything. Game looks polished and integrated.

  3. Races are balanced, with unique strengths and weaknesses, contrasting stylistic preferences or applications.

  4. Hard (H) AI is adequate competition with 2 difficulty increments still unused.

  5. Units have new options, diverse customization functionality, and unprecedented relevance for game-play.

It’s a few core examples such as this that lead me to commend the team for a job well thought out and realized. The UA Team set out to make this mod stand up as a distinct and complex re-vitalization of the original game. It has done so, and opened the door for hardcore RTS gamers such as myself to enjoy thoroughly.

Over 50 matches played

75% Win on Hard AI

15% Loss to H or HR

10% Surrendered before winner could be projected

I enjoy every game. I’ve been more surprised than underwhelmed. Hardly have any issues with it, interface and in game play. I’m STILL LEARNING the new trier systems for my 3 races of interest. Tau are the simplest, Tyranids the most. Still haven’t figured out why a thermal vent power structure generates requisition for them and not power. Meh. I LIKE IT, mind you. Not complaining. Tyranids are pretty sick. Trying to figure out how to end game them, and failing so far. If I strike under 25 minutes, it’s usually with a fully upgraded Hive Tyrant and BOOM. Not a whole lot can stop him, a reinforcing Broodlord a making Lictors every few seconds. RUN AWAY.

I will have more thoughts on this as I dive deeper. I’ve not been into tier 4 yet with anyone. Closest with Tau. But they get SO GOOD before then. Why not kill them now? Why we wait, master?

For de dark gooooods.

My Office is Someone’s Driveway

More accurately, a driveway my parents rent, which the shade from the RV’s awning draped over the concrete slab (previously), mentioned, creates the new indoor-outdoor domicile. This life thing. Boy. Who said it was going to be so fucking random and horrible? I’ve dealt with an unfair amount of calamity, IN MY HUMBLE OPINION. FUCK. I feel crushed flatter than hammered shit, with still more things that need to happen before the dust might actually settle. It’s a truly odd sensation: feeling the breeze blow in a room with no walls. It feels like the wind could carry me off, rip me free from my moorings and cast me deep into the uncertain fray.

I’m on target for a second rescue venture: taking Jax’s stuff out of the apartment and moving it to her storage unit in Old Town. I’m not sure what I think about all this helpfulness. I’ve been given a very limited, rickety platform to stand on, representing only a few planks of genuine gain from these encounters. So far, I can hang my hat on the need to get the apartment clean, with or without her help. THOUGH WITH HELP IS MORE FAVORITE THAN NO HELPS. Even if it hurts me to look at her… even if I still feel the raging burn of her betrayal in my guts. I just have to do what’s right by my life, and everything else will fall into place over the passage of time. HA. HOPEFULLY.

Another furious public ass-fucking is still in the cards for me, but I don’t see my humiliated state being of much interest to anyone. Perhaps the revenge of helping is my best road here: I can hold the high-ground with positive action. At least, for myself, I will know I’m doing the best I can, and that will have to be good enough to satisfy. A snickers bar for my meddling consciousness and other vital self-reinforcing places.

As you can see: its early and my brain is a walnut of destruction.


The Ugly, The Bad, And The Ugly

Talk about flinging some poop, I sent this innocuous letter out today, and earned the following replies on Facebook:



adsfasrhgsgfghbfjgj kjg













People Ask Me About My Jesus

And I hate to tell them I failed to water the last Jesus they tried to pawn off on me, and NOW IT’S DEAD. SO THANKS.

I resent being thought of as a Jesus-killing motherfucker. Even if I deserve it. This is the sound of mud hitting me at high speed, directly in the face.

I have potential and purpose. There is a rhyme to the reason! I tell you!

Look at the last two sentences… my words are becoming more mantra-like as this post goes on. Within reason, please.

So, effectively, I resigned myself that some things just die. And I say verily, I am feeling liberated. Today, moving out of the apartment was hard work, but It was JUST work for once. Not a fuck-secks roller-ass-coaster through pain and suffering. Which is meant only to sound undesirable.

Either way I see this, is that I have a chance to embrace a new attitude, and say GOODBYE CARL!

“Hey, where’s my damn cookie?” Said the tapeworm.


I thought my filter was good before. But have hence been proven wrong. NOW NO ONE IS GETTING ON-BOARD THE ERIC-TRAIN. Not no body not no how now go away!

Which is a good policy, but sad. Because being alone is always kinda sad. SAD I TELLS YA. And facing depression, bipolar style, generally being right unpleasant, is best dealt with in tandem. So to does my written thesis prescribe, but all poop-hell breaks loose from time to time. It seems unreasonable to expect anyone in their right mind to DESIRE to TOLERATE a severely mentally ill person. Which is what it is. TOLERANCE. AND PATIENCE. FORGIVENESS. PITY?


I don’t know where to go run. I could kinda go any way, if I can get this donkey-frigate rocking once more! Into the BREACH!


When life kicks you straight in the mommy-daddy-button, you’re probably going to keel over and sob. I mean, seriously, who stands there and takes it with a grin? Real life is dying of exposure in the taiga. Reality burns my flesh off with scathing fire fueled in the deep bowels of the evil hiding in my brain.

I’ll not be rid of him, but some form of regulation is an order. As of yet, the territorial lines between action and demeanor are hazy at best. Rationale seems like a concentrated offense, and usually always a brow furrowed deep in attempts to clear the murk of pain. I have no other place to vent my suffering, and my eyes literally ache from how oft I’ve cried. And I do mean oft.

I have to understand how I am myself.

I believe this new direction constitutes a militaristic coo deep within my nation, overthrowing one dictator and replacing him with a tyrant. What would Marcus Aurelius think? I still think we should hand the nation off to Maximus.

Russel Crowe, this comeback is dedicated to you. And Commander Peter Quincy Taggart.

I am stating it loud and clear. I am taking charge of my life and living it proudly, and for my health, and for my future and I will kick the living monkey piss out of this feeling. I will do that, then we shall have victory cake, which is “so delicious and moist.”

So, GLaDOS earns a dedication. Or at least a reference.

I’m going on from this. I am clearly useful in some capacity. I have an application in the real world. I posses skill, and loads of other great, personable, cherish-able attributes. My Mind’s Eye Theater character sheet reads:

Nature – Reluctant Self-hating Puppy Dog Faced Inebriated Nincompoop
Demeanor – Phantom -Mask’d Intellectual Roller-Coaster With Sparks and Flames Shooting Off It Going Upside-down at 90 Miles An Hour And We Just Came Off The ************** Tracks!!!!

I mean, there is likely some middle ground here. I think I need to get this negative voice, its malicious intent and other crap that goes on in the background. All the voices. The Ghost. It’s there, talking to me. It’s saying things that cause my soul to die a little as I listen. I try not too. I’m working  on a new angle.

I will probably be making incremental steps toward making my usefulness a sharp, pointed weapon. And I will poke doubters, disbelievers and other d word-ers for  their doings derogatory SQUARE IN THE EYE. Poke. Poke. POKE.


For now, I am just letting you know that I am still kicking. Still fighting.

Not going down. So here I stand…

“The cold never bothered me anyway.”

Pondering My Story

As I have been somewhat prompted by circumstance and desire, I’m thinking of telling a (hopefully) unbiased story of my travels across California from the time I left home at 19 years old (in late October 2002). I have been on a meandering trail ever since, and have returned to my home-town upon the most recent leg of said “adventure.” I traveled to  and resided in such locations as: Santa Barbara, Goleta, Ventura, Carpinteria,  Los Angeles (Thousand Oaks) and Sacramento county (in Elk Grove, then Fair Oaks / Citrus Heights), Placerville, Lake Tahoe, San Francisco, Oakland, The Sierra Nevada Mountains, The Owens Valley, The Mojave Desert, Mount Shasta, Mount Lassen, Yosemite National Park, The Coastal Ranges (and Redwood forests)… and have, thus, seen a huge proportion of the landscapes and environments this state has to offer.

More than that, I have fundamentally changed through experience on a personal / emotional / cognitive level. I have learned hard lessons, and pushed myself to the very edge of the abyss, only to cast myself in. I have put my future success in a financial bind, and limited my potential with life-changing, costly errors. Despite this, I am still trying, every day, to have the best future I can make for myself… regardless of momentary pain, sadness and crushing depression.

It’s been a journey that I have taken a great deal from, and can learn from re-living  through a narrative of some form, in order to gain perspective and have opinion rendered on it as well. It’s good to get secondary, hopefully objective readers to address the various circumstances I dealt with, and how I reacted to them, and why.

So, maybe the next few posts will represent a synopsis of my various encounters with reality, via  my 9 year journey through, and to, independent life.

The Inside Poop

No one knows a fucking thing. But they still say things regardless.


It’s interesting, however, to pick-through the shreds of reasoning most pundits (talking-heads) have for their beliefs. What am I referring to, exactly? It’s the brutally humbling world of NFL Fantasy Sports. Duh.


Not surprisingly, I’ve created MY OWN league this year. Much as I described in previous posts, but re-balanced, tweaked and tested throughout the long, dead wasteland of the offseason. OTA’s are about as boring as dead turtles fucking. Training camps don’t begin until the end of the month. We’re getting close, but we’re not there yet.


For me, the NFL is strangely pleasing. It demonstrates a high level of strategy on the part of coordinators and coaches, portrays momentary, great or panicked decision-making, huge physical exertion, and the whole thing is done at full fucking speed. Every play is different, albeit, the majority can seem (initially), fundamentally uninteresting; the nature of the expectation is wonder: will anything happen? What is about to happen? What about this new set of circumstances?


The criteria of achievement changes, and the game seems to have a “flow” about it; where “momentum” or “energy” can dictate rapid alterations to previous events, or inspire dramatic action. It is assignments, physical struggles, and a challenge to play in the most crucial engagement at the pinnacle of athleticism. The best of the best, play in the NFL.


People who can’t play (nor have the desire to), are locked into an observational standpoint, where analysis and understanding prove to be the most integral endeavors. Pondering the game’s endless complexities, and literal collisions of outcomes can result in endless moments of entertainment (for me, at least).


Numerical values make sense to my tiny brain, so mathematically expressing these athlete’s achievements is a good way to keep track of things, study said things and ponder upon their celestial importance. Often times, pundits will claim to have unlocked the future’s magnificent secrets, by injecting the womb of uncertainty with the semen of opinion. Such transparent, pointless and dangerous intrusions are for the decidedly meek, easily-controlled masses. It comes from no source of comparable meaning, and therefore, has no value.


I can go on all day claiming “well, I think THIS BULLSHIT HERE is going to happen.” But really, who am I kidding? I don’t fucking know; neither do they. They’d like you to think they know. But they don’t. No one does. I hope that’s clear…


Just laying this out there: what if, instead of pontificating about nothing, we concentrate our efforts on making relevant observations, or concluding upon facts.


I try to ignore most things I hear. It’s probably a good policy in general. I get to form my own opinions, while lying partially-submerged in the clear pool of ignorance. I much prefer to not know, than know something useless.


This year, I am commissioner of the work-wide fantasy football league, customized to a very discerning and particular set of rules and conversions. Points will have to be earned with skilled, logical guesses. Player values are going to be assessed through preference, primarily. At least, I believe opinions to have the majority-share of the projected worth of anyone in the NFL. Projected is another word for “here, I pulled this out of my ass, and it’s just for you!”


I’m a ticking time-bomb of expectation and suspense. I have been RIGHT THERE, “in it” every fucking year. And I never take the crown. Fuck that noise.


I said this last year too, right before my stupid fucking Uncle imploded my 8-2 record (with 2 wins against HIM). Disgraceful behavior that simply can’t be repeated.


So, here I go into waiting. Waiting for my drafts, and thinking numerical thoughts, in the pendulum-swing of comprehension that is my offseason routine. I make no Unitas Guarantee. I just plug away at my spreadsheets, and hope.

The Name Of My New Band!

In honor of the hysterically funny Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw radio program here in San Diego, I present the collected list of MY OWN PERSONAL names of my new bands collected over the past several months. Thanks for the GREAT IDEA Dave! Love your show!

  1. Sock On My Penis
  2. Pee In My Pie
  3. Poontang Nightmares
  4. You Have Butt In Your Mouth
  5. Underwear On My Head
  6. Dirty Sock Birdy
  7. Never Had Spicy Butthole
  8. I Can Taste The Chunks
  9. Slowly Open Your Butt
  10. Dicks On Fire
  11. Don’t Throw The Paper Doughnut
  12. Ripped-Up Butthole Syndrome
  13. Vaginal Farts
  14. Shart The Bed
  15. Spiky Butt Hair
  16. Pee In My Face
  17. This Sucks My Ass-Balls
  18. Secret Handjob In My Face
  19. Because My Penis Fell Off
  20. Making Duck Pizza
  21. Blind Me With Your Beard
  22. Rusty Dog Farts
  23. Underwear Bats
  24. I’m A Marshmallow Cactus
  25. Ride The Pickle-Pony
  26. Two Blobs Of Jelly Fighting In Space
  27. Oh Shit On A Noggin Toot
  28. Twitching Piles Of Piss And Shit
  29. OMG My Burritos Are Already Too Fat
  30. Foamy Butt-Spray
  31. Pinch The Brown Dog

And SURELY more to come as time passes…

Ridiculous Frozen Water Behaviors

So, it snowed in the local mountains, and since Birdy has never actually been in the snow, we pretty much had to go.

But who is the bigger idiot in the snow?

What That Taste Like

Think I have the market cornered on stupid.


Yes, I just did that.

Ad it only gets better…

Boy Meets Snow

A good example of someone who is not going totally insane because the water on the ground is frozen. But still pretty fucking excited:

First Snow Face

And then there’s me…

About to Regret

Just a couple of dorks enjoying the snow. Hope you enjoyed the freak-show…

Cold Dorks


Birdy and I are playing Unreal Tournament (the first one). And BOY DO I REGRET IT. I am now REGULARLY PWNED by her, as she has become rediculously accurate with the Flak Cannon. Not much to do there but get my shit handed to me, consistently, regardless of my weapon selection.


Far and away the leader with that weapon, and leader overall with a weapon, period.

I USED to be good, and my numbers reflect SOME of that goodness. I guess I need to figure out a way to own her without getting anywhere near the constant death that is my fiance.


I guess this is good… but I was able to do this PRIMARILY while she was getting better. Before the rise of JaxMaster, I used to have some STELLAR games. Just, crazy.

Settings on our server look like this: 75 frags and you WIN OUTRIGHT, but leader after 10 minutes is automatically champion.

NO Redeemer, No Relic of Vengance (but all the others), Chainsaw Melee (fuck the Impact Hammer), Translocator, 12 players total (10 – 11 bots).

Particularly proud of this line:


I had 11 deaths, and at least 2 of those were self-inflicted. Nice.

I’ll let you know IF I can put a stop to her rampages. Not counting on it though.

BiPolar Beebops Christmas CD Contest RESULTS REVEALED

My CD, Bipolar Beebops, was OFFICIALLY SUBMITTED for the Christmas CD Contest. Today, my “judges” sat down and partook of the musical insanity-driven roller-coaster that is my 2012 CD. They thoroughly LOVED it, and might easily hand me the crown this year, after Daddo makes his submission tomorrow. I CAN SAY that I TOASTED Moo’s submission. ROCKED IT RIGHT OUT OF IT’S COMFY LITTLE SPOT IN 1st PLACE.

My CD was not only a musical journey, but an EXAMINATION of their MUSICAL PROWESS. The 21 track CD was ALSO a fill-in-the-blank examination worth 50 points (with some tracks being HARDER to name than others, and therefore, worth 3 instead of 2). Below is the scorecard I used to grade their answers. Admittedly, there are some seriously “difficult to identify” musical selections in there. This is not a test for the faint of heart. Have your shit together, or you’re not getting far.

  1. (3) The Big Rock Candy Mountains – Harry McClintock – O Brother Where Art Thou
  2. (2) Somebody To Love – Jefferson Airplane – Apollo 13
  3. (2) On The Road To Find Out – Cat Stevens – Harold and Maude
  4. (2) Holiday – Madonna – The Wedding Singer
  5. (2) Main Titles – Danny Elfman – Beetlejuice
  6. (2) I Just Can’t Get Enough – Depeche Mode – The Wedding Singer
  7. (2) The Entertainer (Orchestra Version) – Marvin Hamlisch – The Sting
  8. (3) The One & Only – Chesney Hawkes – Doc Hollywood
  9. (2) Cheer Down – George Harrison – Lethal Weapon 2
  10. (2) You Make My Dreams – Hall & Oates – The Wedding Singer
  11. (3) Son Of A Preacher Man – Dusty Springfield – Pulp Fiction
  12. (3) If I Can’t Have You – Yvonne Elliman – Saturday Night Fever
  13. (2) Kissing You – Des’ree – Romeo + Juliet
  14. (2) What Would Brian Boitano Do? – Matt Stone and Trey Parker – South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
  15. (2) Scarborough Fair/Canticle – Simon and Garfunkel – The Graduate
  16. (3) Du Hast – Rammstein – The Matrix
  17. (2) Top Gun Anthem – Harold Faltermeyer & Steve Stevens – Top Gun
  18. (2) I’ll Fly Away – Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch – O Brother Where Art Thou?
  19. (3) Tequila – The Champs – The Sandlot
  20. (2) Footloose – Kenny Loggins – Footloose
  21. (2) What Would Brian Boitano Do? Pt. II – D.V.D.A – South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

So, then I had them sit down and listen to BiPolar Beebops, and take the exam at the same time. THE RESULTS ARE SAD. be warned, music GURUS. This is a woeful, truly dismal display of musical knowledge. View the test results at your own risk. First, the WINNER of the exam portion of the presentation. Congratz to the winner… though, I’m not hanging my hat on your score.

Moo Page 1

Moo Page 2

Daddo Page 1

Daddo Page 2


EITHER WAY: I like my chances at becoming the next “GRAND CHAMPION KING of Christmas.” Oh yeah. Bring it on, Holiday BITCHES.