02/17 – Captivating Changes

This album was directly inspired by the litany of emotions I am going through in reference to Carly. It transitions from introductory feelings to a cooler silence of understanding and connection, which is replete with fire and passion. Compile the album and give it a listen to be truly in tune with my life experiences as of 5 days ago. It’s a bit soppy and mushy at times, but that’s how I am. This music really pulls my strings and gets me to feel things. It’s vital to understanding what I’m about.

Bold = The ones she copied to her playlist

  1. Cool Change – Little River Band
  2. Kodachrome – Paul Simon
  3. Biggest Part Of Me – Ambrosia
  4. You’re The Inspiration – Chicago
  5. Freedom 90 – George Michael
  6. The Promise – When In Rome
  7. More Than A Woman – Bee Gees
  8. Lovesong – The Cure
  9. Lady – Little River Band
  10. Secret Separation – The Fixx
  11. Tonight She Comes – The Cars
  12. Waves – Blondfire
  13. Reminiscing – Little River Band
  14. You Make My Dreams – Hall & Oates
  15. Eternal Flame – The Bangles
  16. No One Like You – Scorpions
  17. Panama – Van Halen
  18. Spiders – System Of A Down
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Spun Until Drippy

Score: +1.5
It’s cold in my apartment since all these storms started rolling in. I’m working on a remedy as I write this. I will probably have heat by tonight, which will make my evenings much more enjoyable. I’m huddled up on my couch with almost no exposed skin and multiple layers. It’s cold. 

But I’m listening to music… this is how I work okay blog? Music has tremendous emotional power. Tremendous. I can be pumped-up or brought to tears from one track to the next. I had several songs of significance in reference to my relationship with Amanda. Those songs all foreshadowed what was happening between us, as was the case when I went through the end with Jax. “Cowboys and Angels” was just one good example. “More Than Words” touched on a thread of contention in our physical relationship. I was here sobbing my way through the lyrics, missing her touch, her smell. It was all being ripped away by my logical mind. But my logical mind has the moral high ground on this one. Theres no victory to be had for sorrow. 

More music, this time “Lovesong” by The Cure. Wow. It’s spot on. It’s a promise I couldn’t keep. I will always love her, I just can’t help her anymore. It is a crushing weight on me every minute since I had to turn my back on her. I feel insanely horrible about it, but it would have meant I would have to change something fundamental about myself and perception of what is right and wrong in order to continue helping her. She walked somewhere I was not willing to follow, so I had to let her go. I miss her. She was a good friend to me for two years. I wanted that life with her. I’m sad she didn’t. Ok I probably shouldn’t blog and cry at the same time. 

In The Groove

Score: +3.5

It felt good today blog. Very. My morning started with Io bumping her head into me and licking my leg at 4:45 am. So I woke up thinking: she must be hungry. But both food bowls were full. Motivation unknown. So instead of lounging around for a couple hours I went to work. And as I stated earlier, it was good. 

I was in on some cool meetings, future projects, new responsibilities, the works. I was praised and acknowledged by my boss and peers. Amanda wrote on Facebook and Google + about how thankful she was for me, and all that I do to help. The positive feedback just keeps rolling in. I could get used to this. 

I think something chemical has happened to me: I used to get choked up when certain songs would come on the overhead speakers. But now, I don’t. Not at all. I don’t think about my ex when I hear it. It’s a response I didn’t think I would know again. I had just accepted that certain songs would always remind me of her, and the feelings would rush back. Those days, apparently, are over. 

Progress blog, progress. Three cheers to Sassafras the Fiesty for always checking in, even when her life has gone batshit. You rock. 

Mood Album I – The Complicated Smush

This album encapsulates the most recent iteration of my ongoing struggle with letting go of the past and exploring the future. I try to come to terms with my pain then turn that energy into a new direction. Love is miraculous in that it takes different shapes depending on the nature of the relationship. The back end of the album spins off into its own new pleasant direction. Build and enjoy. 

  1. Pamela – Toto
  2. King of Pain – The Police
  3. Changes IV – Cat Stevens
  4. What It Takes – Aerosmith
  5. Cowboys And Angels – George Michael
  6. Your Wildest Dreams – The Moody Blues
  7. Only In Your Heart – America
  8. While My Heart Is Still Beating – Roxy Music
  9. The Way I Feel – Robert Plant
  10. Be With You – The Bangles
  11. Are We Ourselves? – The Fixx
  12. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) – Eurythmics
  13. I Want You So Bad – Heart
  14. Waiting For A Girl Like You – Foreigner
  15. You Make My Dreams – Hall & Oates
  16. Just The Way You Are – Billy Joel
  17. Never Tear Us Apart – INXS 

Tonight’s Mood

Cowboys & Angels

George Michael


When your heart’s in someone else’s hands

Monkey see and monkey do

Their wish is your command

Not to blame

Everyone’s the same
All you do is love and love is all you do

I should know by now the way I fought for you

You’re not to blame, everyone’s the same
I know you think that you’re safe

Mister

Harmless deception

That keeps love at bay

It’s the ones who resist that we most want to kiss

Wouldn’t you say?
Cowboys and angels

They all have the time for you

Why should I imagine that I’d be a find for you

Why should I imagine

That I’d have something to say
But that scar on your face

That beautiful face of yours

In your heart there’s a trace

Of someone before
When your heart’s in someone else’s plans

Things you say and things you do

That they don’t understand

You’re not to blame

Always ends the same
You can call it love but I don’t think it’s true

You should know by now

I’m not the boy for you

You’re not to blame

Always ends the same
I know you think that you’re safe

Sister

Harmless affection that keeps things this way

It’s the ones who persist for the sake of a kiss

Who will pay and pay

Cowboys and angels

They all have the time for you

Why should I imagine that I was designed for you

Why should I believe

That you would stay
But that scar on your face

That beautiful face of yours

Don’t you think that I’d know

They’ve hurt you, before
Take this man to your place

Maybe his hands can help you forget

Please be stronger than your past

The future may still give you a chance

The future, the future, not the past
That scar on your face

That beautiful face of yours

Don’t you think that I know

They hurt you before

September Mood Album – The Grace Of Knowing

This album is inspired by the changes in my life since I met Amanda, and is a bit of a narrative chronicling the emotional story of our relationship. It starts off with my coping with the divorce, and makes a statement about the new course my life has taken. It is not meant to literally speak any truths, but the tempo and mood of each song (and how it is related to others) make the album tell a tale through sound and feel. I encourage you to YouTube the tracks and make your own playlist to fully understand what I’m trying to say. 

  1. MFC – Pearl Jam
  2. Waves – Blondfire
  3. Move On – George Michael
  4. Simple Kind Of Life – No Doubt
  5. Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) – Green Day
  6. Summer In The City – The Lovin’ Spoonful
  7. One Of These Nights – The Eagles
  8. Crazy On You – Heart
  9. Oh! Darling – The Beatles
  10. Take Me Home Tonight – Eddie Money
  11. Chains Of Love – Erasure
  12. Tonight, Tonight – Genesis
  13. Let’s Dance – David Bowie
  14. Lovesong – The Cure
  15. More Than Words – Extreme
  16. Lady – Little River Band
  17. Do You Believe In Love – Huey Lewis And The News
  18. Wrapped Around Your Finger – The Police
  19. Carpet Of The Sun – Renaissance

No One Like You – ScorpionsĀ 

Girl, it’s been a long time that we’ve been apart,

Much too long for a man that needs love,

I’ve missed you since I’ve been away, 

Oh babe, wasn’t easy to leave you alone, 

It gets harder each time that I go,

If I had a choice, I would stay,

There’s no one like you,

I can’t wait for the nights with you, 

I imagine the things we do,

I just want to be loved by you,

No one like you,

I can’t wait for the nights with you, 

I imagine the things we do,

I just want to be loved, by you. 

Girl, there are really no words strong enough,

To describe all my longing for love,

I don’t want my feelings restrained,

Oh babe, now I need you like never before,

Just imagine you’d come through this door, 

And take all my sorrows away,

There’s no one like you,

I can’t wait for the nights with you,

I imagine the things we do,

I just want to be loved by you,

No one like you,

I can’t wait for the nights with you,

I imagine the things we do,

I just want to be loved by you.