Eve

It’s football eve, and I’m doing fine. I spent some time throwing the Frisbee with Tristan today in Santee. It was refreshing the three of us being there together having fun. He was happy to see me. All in all, very positive. I even invited them over to my house tomorrow during the games. I know that time with him is limited now that Amanda only has occasional custody. We are going to play chess and have fun. Good times will be had.

It’s another night alone here in the apartment and I seem to be doing fine. I had a good session with Margaret today. We talked for more than a therapeutic hour and delved into my solitude issues. I was telling her how hyper-vigilant I am against feeling sad or overly bored. I continue to find ways to distract myself and keep my mind occupied to avoid this, but she suggested that I actually, deliberately concentrate on happy things. She wants me to think about the progress I have made to get here, and the long relationship I have with Amanda, and how I have a steady job and have been stable on my meds for an extended period of time. It’s literally occupying the mind with something good instead of letting it drift to think about something bad by default. I have to force these thoughts into my head to crush the others that come in. It was an innovation I had not come up with on my own. So I’m going to give it a try next time I get to feeling solitary or sad. I think it will totally work.

Well blog, things are going pretty good. It’s a mildly important week in FFL, a week that I am pretty 50 – 50 about. I really am leaning on having some below average performances since the match ups aren’t pointed my way this week. Only a couple have a solid forecast of going off, so who knows. I’m looking for Tyerell Williams, C.J. Fedorowicz and Steffon Diggs to have big days despite being an outside shot to do much in the way of scoring. I expect Gordon to be worth something, and Le’Veon Bell has a tough match up this week. He could easily be stymied all day and I wouldn’t be shocked. I’m hoping a couple of my fliers go off and save the below average output of my powerhouse players. I decided to go 2 QBs in my work league… since it seems everyone else was. So I’m starting Newton and Prescott, who I intent to generate some rushing yardage as well as having stellar days through the air. Both have a sot at a rushing TD as well which would greatly help my cause. My roster in the work league is better then the one I have in the family league. But I’m 6-3 in both leagues right now, but like I said, I could very easily 6-4 in both leagues by this time tomorrow. I’d say 60%/40% I lose both games.

So I don’t have much hope. It would really put the dagger in my cousin if I win and I’m not particularly interested in being the one to do it. I like a competitive race and in her division, she would have a difficult time staying relevant if she loses, with only 4 games left to play. I could afford a loss, but she probably can’t She’d have to win out to stay relevant and even then, 7-6 is no certainty of a playoff berth with a team 2 games up on her in 2nd. So in reality, I’d like it to be competitive to show me if my guesses were correct about certain players, but do I mind losing? Not at all. We’ll just have to see how it goes. Expectations at a record low.

Superzippy With Boo

Score: +3

This is not a good thing. The last two days, my anxiety has been running at system-critical high levels. Amanda and I have been discussing possible triggers, but almost everything falls into that category. On football Sunday, I was out of my mind. I did 1.5 miles on the elliptical and took two warm sit-down showers… nothing. No reduction of symptoms. And things that continue to trigger me are relics from the past that have no implication now. Such as things that might have made me anxious years ago, situations at old jobs, awkward interactions, but why are they relevant now? I can literally feel my blood pressure spiking, and my breathing constricted. It’s not ideal. 

Work was fine today. Had my fingers in many pies. I’m feeling increasingly confident there. New round of evaluations coming up so that will be keeping me occupied for a while. 

Amanda had ECT this morning and the doctor prescribed her a stimulant to help her with her energy and clarity of thought. I’m hopeful it will benefit her, and we will just have to wait and see over the next few days. My mom has been helping out bigtime with getting her to The hospital and back. Oh, and I will be 33 on Sunday. We’re supposed to have dinner at my parent’s place: I requested Jesus Christ alpha and omega burgers with bacon and guacamole. Phe-nom-i-nal. Needless to say. 

I went 2-0 again this weekend even when I was sure I would lose the more important of the two games. Dropped my cousin last week and she was in the championship with me last year, and dropped the guy who beat me in the championship the year before this week. Vengeance is a dish best served on a gridiron. So both my teams are 3-1, with a very uncertain future ahead. I’m scrambling for waiver wire moves this week as injuries have become a problem. 

Well, I’m going to bed. Still have a very fast moving carousel in my mind, which I know will be better tomorrow. Goodnight. 

Summary: Week 3

So I felt it noteworthy to say something considering I may just win both games this week. One is still undecided because my opponent has three Falcons going (Sanu, Ryan, Freeman) but needs 70+ points to reclaim the lead. This week Minnesota’s DEF/ST came up big in the work league, along with waiver add Charles Sims putting up big numbers. DeAngelo Williams disappointed against a tough Philadelphia defense. Chargers gacked away another W, but Melvin Gordon did well for me. Stefon Diggs finally had a down game, of course, when I put him in my lineup. 

I spent some time watching the games at my Uncle’s house, while my sister’s bridal shower took place. I was regularly monitoring the scores, and it felt like a solid day of entertainment and fun. This weekend has been pretty good. I feel good going into this less-stressful week. 

I hope my lead holds and I can celebrate my first 2-0 week of the season. 

Cheaters

Tonight I wish to retell the tale of 2015’s fantasy football season. In the league that I ran, I invited a friend from a previous job to come play with some friends from my current job. Draft time was getting closer, and I was still 1 manager short to complete the league. My friend Ian from my old job said he knew a guy who would play, and so the final invite was sent out and the league completed. 

As the season went on, it became apparent that the new guy was derelict. Not what I was hoping for, needless to say. However, he did do 1 thing all year, he made a huge blockbuster trade to Ian for some priceless talent in exchange for injured talent. Ian then antagonized me by claiming the key to his success was picking up people I cut off my roster, which was partially true. But also true for everyone else. 

His team and my team made it to the championship, and I soundly defeated him. When I look back, it became clear to me that there was no new guy, it was just Ian managing 2 teams so he could harvest the talent from two rosters and make one mighty mega team. This plan failed miserably, and the evidence speaks for itself: no waiver for the new guy, 0-15 record, never changed lineups, no messages or chats, one trade with Ian. Odd? I agree. Ian tried to cheat his way to a championship and it backfired. Good triumphed over stupidity and my victory was all the more tasty because of it. 

Moral is, if your going to cheat, win… don’t humiliate yourself in the attempt to do so. Now he has nothing to show for his cheating, and is left with only shame. 

Or, you could not be a loser and play fair and earn your victories. Morality much? But then again, he is a Patriots fan. Nuff said. 

Now this year I invited Ian back. He declined for some bullshit reason. Can’t play for real with the big boys? Too chicken shit? I figured. 

Well, at least I know what it feels like to be a champion. Even if I never get to again. I made it. He didn’t. Ha fucking ha. 

Things and Stuff

Tonight I’m concentrating on holding my impulses at bay. I spent some time exercising when Tristan was here, I did a mile. I promised myself that I would “step it up” so another mile is upcoming. I’m going to deconstruct my processes and improve in areas that need help. Control. Willpower. Discipline. I’m holding true to my boundaries and continuing to aim for my goals. 

But I’m doing good. Looking forward to a day at Sea World tomorrow with Amanda and Tristan. I have a plan for dinner tomorrow night. It’s pretty fucking awesome. 

NFL season continues tomorrow. Frankly, I don’t care that I won’t see the numbers come in live, but I’d much rather be with my tribe, Amanda and Tristan, than alone watching football. Out having fun and making new memories? Or watching football… sorry football, but you’re going to lose every time in that matchup. As it should be. 

I’m hoping for a good night’s sleep tonight, and a fantastic day tomorrow. I’m so detached from concern about fantasy this year. What will be, will be, and I care not. I’m not getting all committed like I have in years past. Never again. 

Later. 

Fantasy Football 2016, 2nd Draft

I must preface with the fact that I was the only person who live drafted. So this league is very likely abandoned, which is what I was afraid of. But maybe they will still play, who knows. 

QB: Cam Newton, Tyrod Taylor

RB: Le’Veon Bell, Adrian Peterson, Davonta Freeman, Melvin Gordon, LeGarrett Blount

WR: Julian Edelman, Jarvis Landry, Michael Crabtree, Willie Snead

TE: Travis Kelce

DEF: Kansas City

I’m my league, the second flex on the roster allows for a second QB if desired. I wanted two running quarterbacks in the starting lineup. Then I hit pay dirt with running backs. An excellent haul. WR, eh, the weakest link. Jarvis is a talented player, but he and a hobbled Edelman only have an outside chance at both being of PPR relevance. My defense was picked off the tailings. Still decent, but not great. 

In the end, this one doesn’t matter all that much. I’m the projected winner of the draft. Won it last year too, en route to a championship. I now believe there to have been some foul play last year, but in the end, he fucked himself out of a championship. All I had to do was sit back and watch karmic retribution take its course. 
Happy season. Here’s hoping I don’t totally suck. 

Fantasy Football 2016, 1st Draft

My first league, the one with money on it and has most of my cousins in it, drafted earlier. My lineup is a mixed bag of hopeful projections and calculated risks. 

QB: Cam Newton

RB: Le’Veon Bell, Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Melvin Gordon, Matt Jones

WR: Keenan Allen, Demaryus Thomas, Golden Tate, Michael Crabtree, Tavon Austin

TE: Gary Barnidge

K: Mason Crosby

DEF: St. Louis, Buffalo

I gambled on defense, but in this league, they’re not often relevant. Just as long as their not worth a negative number. But those two defenses might utterly flop. I like my multipurpose QB, and the potential of my running backs after Le’Veon’s suspension is over, after week 3. My team suddenly becomes relevant. Gary is also a risk, based on RGIII’s success. If he gets annihilated and rarely completed a pass, Gary will be useless. My wide receivers are, again, a risk. Keenan seems like a good get for 100 receptions or more depending on his health. Demaryus is a risk, because the rookie QB has a high probability to fail, and would then not complete many passes to him. But he fell so far, like the fourth round. I had to take him. He’s fucking elite. 

If things go my way, I would be totally shocked. I took SO MANY risks this time. If some of them pay out, I could be relevant, but it could all fall apart so easily. I have significantly less hope this year than I did last, and last year I had not very much to begin with. But I underestimated my team and myriad waiver moves. Playing the waivers pushed my mediocre team over the top. I even lost my number one draft pick, Jaamal Charles, mid season. Still won the championship on waiver claims Doug Martin,  Lamar Miller, Tre Mason, and… believe it or not, Cameron Artis-Payne (Johnathan Stewart’s backup in Carolina). As a side note, I picked up Cameron and Tre the week before off waivers, both worth double digit fantasy points in the championship (and each had a touchdown, the margin that clinched my victory). 

So having good pieces to start with is important, and this year I will likely have very few. But we shall see. The probability of winning back to back championships is impossibly unlikely. Possible, but marginally so. 
I’m a few minutes away from my second draft in the league where I am commissioner. I’ll have another post sometime thereafter. I’m far less concerned with that league, in fact, it would be better for my work environment if I did poorly. Winning that one this year might be the last year anybody plays in it.